Hello, I want to apply on HWS and the deadline is 01/february.however, i haven't finished my essay yet.can you help me by giving me some advice about how should i make my essay clear?
Here's what I have in mind
When I was in the 9th grade, i participated in a Mister contest, and i would like to write something about that day.about how it showed me how it is to be on stage and how wonderful a moment in the spotlight can be
after that moment, i took up theatre and during 3 years of work i got from a simple novice school actor to a fearless one that even played the lead character on a national stage
during high school i presented and organised that Mister contest 2 years in a row and i got experience on stage.Moreover I was invited to be te presenter of a State Mister contest, and to be the host for 2 debates (1 statal in the presence of the Major and 1 national in the presence of the minister of education).I also have a place in Student's Government (Statal)
What I actually want to emphasize is about how I hard I've been working to improve my acting and about how I've been trying to improve my ability to handle pressure.
can you tell me whether is a good essay idea and give me some ideas like some phrases to link these things and what i should emphasize?
P.s. Everything started from my first appearance on stage
03 November 2004.I can still feel my legs trembeling because of the emotions i used to have at the prom.I was to parade in front of the hundreds of people and show them that I deserved to become Mister Carabella 2004.After 30 seconds of boiled adrenaline, i started to adapt de situation.The blinding flashes did not seem to bother me anymore. When I entered the stage for the 2nd round, I realized how overwhelming was the feel of being in the spotlight.I suddenly realised that that was the life i wanted to follow.
Furthermore, in order to get on stage again, the year after I enrolled at the same Mister contest, but this time as one of the organizers. After that I was elected to be the presenter. When I was on stage again I had that feeling as if I was on the right way to the top. After I had shown great interest, passion and skill in what I did, I was invited to present it the year after too. There was nothing to stop me from ascension.
Moreover, in the 10th grade, I met Mr. David, a theatre director, who liked me from the first glimpse and asked me if I wanted to join his theatre team, a shot that I took advantage of. Then, was the moment when my heavy artillery started to develop. During the years, I developed my free speaking, the power to bear in my mind long monologues, the ability to order lines and actions logical ways, rhetoric, and the most important, I have learnt how to control my emotions, how to get rid of uncomfortable feelings while on stage, I have learnt how to psychologically overcome and solve problems simpler in the day to day life.
As a proof of my perseverance stand the numerous plays I have played in, plays in which my roles varied chronologically from episodic up to lead roles. However, my most important role was the lead role in "Wings of snow", the role of a man whose beloved dies, a play that was directed for charity and took place on the stage of the National Theatre Toni Bulandra in Targoviste.
However, my school life was not only about ascension, gathering skills, and achieving popularity among my peers with no obstacle. Good times never come alone; there is always burden around the corner to test your strength and faith. When I was in the 10th grade, my family was cursed...My father had a vascular accident which, soon after, developed into paralysis. Due to my brother not living at home and my mother having to work to support the family, I had to stay at home and focus my free time in helping my father's slow recovery, sometimes not being able to involve in other activities, and I was even forced to miss some classes periodically. After nearly one year, the time started to show us that he is the only one that can heal this type of wounds. From this, I learnt that life can be awful sometimes, and the only thing that we can do is to hold our head up and let the time take care of things.
After my father started to feel a bit better, my diligent work, my persistence and my assiduous pursuit of my goals paid back, and soon my academics repaid me again as in the 11th grade, I was one of the founder of the School's Magazine, in which I wrote some articles about "Alfa Males", an ironical comparison between men and women, article that raised my popularity among my colleagues.
Later, in the 12th grade, I was invited to be the presenter of the "Miss & Mister Dambovita" contest (a beauty contest at the county level) which I am to present this year in March.
Currently, I am the one from my school that is involved in every activity that includes speeches, from speeches on special occasions up to monologues in theather, or debates about violence in school (Department of the County's Students' Council that I am in charge with).
In the future, I hope and I will certainly do my best to become a public person, as I consider that this is the life that would fit me best and as my friends recommend me to start my career either in publicity and advertising or in Film/Theatre.
...and everything started on 03 November 2004
Can you give me some tips?Thank you!
Greetings!
I think you have the basis for a very good essay! You'll want to be sure to proofread it carefully and run it through a spell-checker before you submit it. Here are a few editing suggestions:
Furthermore, in order to get on stage again, I enrolled in the same Mister contest the following year. [delete "where unfortunatelly I have only placed third the year before,"; this is confusing. If you are talking about what happened in the first contest, put this information about the first contest above when you were discussing that] but this time as one of the organizers.
the ability to order lines and actions in logical ways,
I have learnt how to psychologicaly overcome and solve problems in day-to-day life.
Best of luck in your sturdies!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
