I am a person who welcomes any challenge and the exhilarating sensation of overcoming these challenges is the very fuel that drives my dedication.
This sentence is nicely written, but it sort of repeats what you have already shown with the examples you gave, so ... I think you should replace this with a sentence that boldly states your intentions for the next few years. What contemporary topic interests you most in the field? State your intention, your unique approach to the field.
It is my dream to work amidst the reigning geniuses that evolve the world into what it is today.--- you can't evolve something else. You can only evolve,like, through the process of natural selection or something. So, maybe change this to the word "develop."
As one of the few women interested in computer science--- I don't think it is good to make this generalization. It is okay, though, to mention that women are underrepresented in the field. If you do that, cite your source of info.
Good luck!!!