Fascinated by accredited computer science program / Nigeria - Syracuse University essays

1. Who or what influenced you to apply to Syracuse University?

Syracuse University's diverse community and its academic programs are what influenced me to apply to the university. During my search for a university in the beginning of year 12 (11th Grade), I came across Syracuse University and after I researched more on the school I was fascinated by their accredited computer science program and its flexibility.

I decided to go to the USA College day 2014 event which was held in Kensington town hall. At this event all my questions were answered by the very kind admissions counselor, She spoke about the Syracuse community with a passion that made me want to become a part of this community. I learnt so much more about the school from going to this event, I found Syracuse to be a school full of opportunities for international students such as myself with a diverse student body and a diverse amount of academic programs and student organizations making it an ideal place to study.

2. Who is the person you dream of becoming and how do you believe Syracuse University can help you achieve this?

I dream of becoming a person that will make a positive impact on the world, an open minded person able to learn from the views of other cultures, a person that will help Nigeria become a better country.

Growing up I never thought about the kind of person I wanted to become, I just wanted to be someone who enjoyed what they did for a living and was able to support their family. It was not until I moved back to Nigeria and saw the state of the country and how it has the potential to become a great nation that I change my goal in life to make the country a better place, this is why I want to study computer science at Syracuse's prestigious L.C. Smith College of Engineering and Computer Science to contribute to the technological advancements that will benefit the people of Nigeria and the country's economy.

I believe that going to Syracuse will help me become the person I want to be by providing me with a world class education and allowing me to learn from meeting different people from all over the world that go to Syracuse. I believe that these things along with the many opportunities at Syracuse will shape me into becoming the person that I want to be.

i consider you have to dig deeper. In other words, attempt providing with more details about those computer science,its flexibility e.t.c.

I made some revisions to the first essay:

1. Who or what influenced you to apply to Syracuse University?

In a world where technology is rapidly changing, Syracuse University offers a computer science program that is flexible and allows students to explore the applications of computer science in different fields. Syracuse's diverse community and its computer science program are what influenced me to apply to the university, as Syracuse attracts students from all over the world. During my search for a university in the beginning of year 12 (11th Grade), I came across Syracuse University and after I researched more on the school I was fascinated by their accredited computer science program and its flexibility.

I decided to go to the USA College day 2014 event which was held in Kensington town hall. At this event all my questions were answered by the very kind admissions counselor, She spoke about the Syracuse community with a passion that made me want to become a part of this community. I learnt so much more about the school from going to this event, I found Syracuse to be a school full of opportunities for international students such as myself with a diverse student body and a diverse amount of academic programs and student organizations making it an ideal place to study.

Growing up, I never thought about the kind of person I wanted to become


You should divide this into several sentences, the sentence is too long and confusing to read. Maybe you can try this :
It was not until I moved back to Nigeria and saw the state of the country and how it has the potential to become a great nation that I change my goal in life to make the country a better place (you have stated your goal before, so you can skip this.

I want to study computer science at Syracuse's prestigious L.C. Smith College of Engineering and Computer Science to contribute to the technological advancements that will benefit the people of Nigeria and the country's economy.