Hi, this is my personal statement. My earliest deadline is Jan 1 and I really need some helps. I know my word choices may not be appropriate, so please help.Thank you in advance :)
Our family has nine houses. Maybe it's an eleventh floor apartment, very cool with the Red River's wind. Maybe it's a little metal roofing house, scorching with the sunlight radiating right to the house, or wet with drizzling rain falling to the roof, rumbling like the storm. When I was a little, my parents, my brother and I lived with my grandparents. When we grew up, when the fifty square metre house of my grandparents became cramped for three generations, my parents and we moved to another place. I once liked new houses, enjoyed this kind of moving because we would have new places, new neighbours. Children are always eager to discover new things.
As I grew bigger, however, I had some ineffable feeling when I had to move out, to leave the friends to whom I'd just felt close, to leave the custard-apple that I and my brother had sowed the seed and cultivated for a whole year on the little soil of the house. Another packing, another moving. Everytime like that, my parents discarded some old stuffs, some toys and bought some appropriate furnitures, some other toys we when we went to the new place. I loved playing new toys, but I didn't feel excited to move in anymore.
When I was thirteen, once on the way of going to my classmate's house to borrow a book, I felt suddenly dumbfounded when I passed a house. The plant in the yard is the custard-apple we had cultivated a couple of years ago. This is the house we had once lived. Plant was now higher. In the light breeze, some leaves were quivering. The memories flowed back... Every afternoon after returning home from school, I and my little brother Minh tried to outdo each other to water Plant, and observed some young and tender leaves that had just been sprouted. Once in a fight, we shoved each other and I fell to the Plant. Minh bursted out crying, not because of wanting to share his sister's pain, but because of thinking that I had crushed Plant. Thankfully I'd just fallen down beside it. We became more harmonious since then, which really surprised our mom. It was the secret only we and the Plant knows. Part of our childhoods was here.
My grandfather passed away, we lived with my grandmother again instead of continuing to rent house. With the little amount of my parents' saving and the money of selling my grandparents' house, we now have a seventy square metre appartment for five people to live. Mom still works. Dad is still proud of once being an excellent student, with the university degree. The perception under the subsidy economy stay deep in their minds, unchangeably.
But I know I long to change. I desire to get rich. For myself and for the ones I love.
Hadi,
Thank you so much. What I mean by "change" in my essay is the change from my childish perception (love moving out) to my grown-up one (be aware of the importance of having a permanent house), and the change of perception from my parents' generation (don't dream high, don't value money hoarding, just be happy to earn enough money to take each day as it comes) to my generation - me (dream high for me and for my loved ones to be happy). So my essay isn't clear enough?
But again, thank you so much!!
JACK POT! theres what you learned...make it clear...HOW you changed eg by saying unlike before, now i am this this this...because my guess is the admissions officer reads about a thousand essays a day and by the time they get to you, they are tired...so don't let them assume anything...don't give them a chance to re-read....make it clear enough that on they understand on their first read!
