Well, no matter what type of essay you are writing you always need an introduction (or thesis statement), a body, and a conclusion, in that order. Let's see what you've got here:
"My family environment influenced my personality and nature by providing me with the confidence to succeed in a challenging environment. This is a good introduction because it is a complete sentence that answers the prompt. The reader has a good idea of what you are going to tell them with a lead-in such as this one.
In addition, I have two younger sisters that helped me mature quicker and understand that my attitude and actions outside of school are as important as in school. As a result, I have learned to look at myself through other people's perspective and change my behavior to avoid any misunderstandings and to demonstrate a responsible personality. The family environment molded me into a more understanding person and helped me to perform to the best of my abilities. My family gives me full support during swimming competitions and school activities and has put my success at the top of their priorities. However, more specifically, my mom was the biggest factor in creating the person I am to this day. Good wrap-up and lead in to the next paragraph. Good oraganization.
My mom's nonstop support and guidance kept me on the straight and narrow throughout my school career and motivated me to place my full effort into my work. Whether I was swimming competitively or preparing for a test, she convinced me to focus on the most efficient ways to review materials before a test and taught me to over-prepare
. Instead of cramming before
the date of the test, she taught me to study an hour each night in order to keep focused on the material and efficiently retain the information. I was motivated by the high expectations she placed on me to improve my grades in school and take more challenging course work. During my junior year, I felt intimidation at the beginning of a difficult course and wanted to switch courses but my mother said "no" and refused to let me. I took the course anyway
and rebounded from the slow start to improve my grade after allotting more study time to demanding courses. I learned that by putting more effort and pride into my work I can succeed no matter how difficult a course may seem. I felt full of pride after performing well in the course and owed much of my success to my mother's prodding. I arrived early each and every swim practice,
rain or shine,
in order to prepare for swim meets. However, my success in swimming was owed to a large part to my mom's consistency in driving me to swim practice and helped instill a hard work ethic. This is a good conclusion for this, but there is no lead-in to your next paragraph to let your reader know you are changing topics. A smooth transition between the two is best.
I study for small and large tests the same and view them as equal in importance. I complete homework at all times and understand that preparation is the most important part of preparing for tests. Again, watch using "prepare" too many times too close together; it becomes redundant.
After understanding how much I took attending a private school for granted, I changed my attitude and wanted to succeed in each respective year. Now, I am using this top notch education to my advantage and strive to perform well in all my classes no matter the difficulty. The overall relief and joy that I
experience when I
get an "
on a test cannot be matched. Taking pride in my work has been my biggest step in embracing my work and allotting different tasks for each period of time during the day in order to make sure I will be able to complete work to the best of my ability. Being raised under strict standards, I understand the importance of setting goals to provide guidance and confidence when shooting for a goal that is far off."
Again, watch your use of the pronoun "you." Instead, use "I" or "one." Your ending is also a bit abrupt; think of a way to soften it up a bit. Possibly making "Taking pride in my work..." a new paragraph could ease this.