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"my family's enterprise" - influenced by family history, culture, or environment.


answers: 1
May 26, 2008, 01:26pm   #
How have you been influenced by your family history or culture, or the family environment you grew up in? You might consider "who you are" as an individual, what values you hold, and what goals you plan to pursue. Word Limit is 250.

I have been nurtured within a family enterprise established a few decades ago. The group deals with the production and marketing of recycled based products to companies. By being able to work experience as a summer trainee in my mother's company has further strengthened my desire to learn more about the environment so that I can bring a comprehensive set of skills to traditional systems. This is the long-term, the future.

To achieve this, I need to rely on relevant experiences that foray into a combination of experience, hard-work and initiative. Through the long hours spent in meetings and the research facilities, not only did I gain a significant exposure about the environment, I also learnt a lot about hard-work and dedication. I learnt about initiative and resourcefulness from my parents, who are my biggest motivation. Whether in school or at work, whenever I made a wrong choice or waited for someone else to make things happen, they always inspired me to take the initiative to get things done.

Being a part of my family's enterprise has fuelled my interest in the effect of the world on the environment. In the future, I hope to see myself doing research in this field for the better development of recycled products. UT has an incredible environmental science program that can aid in the pursuit of my dreams. I would like nothing better than to seize the opportunity to contribute positively towards campus life in ways that I am capable of, and take advantage of the wealth that an UT education has to offer.


I would really appreciate your view on this essay. Thanks!

Good evening!

You have a good rough draft here. These are my suggestions:

"I have been nurtured within a family enterprise established a few decades ago. The group deals with the production and marketing of recycled material-based products to companies. By being able to (Change to "having real") work experience as a summer trainee in my mother's company has further strengthened my desire to learn more about the environment so that I can bring a comprehensive set of skills to traditional systems What kind of traditional systems? Finish your thought here. This is the long-term, the future. What is? Please clarify.

To achieve this, I need to rely on relevant experiences that foray into a combination of experience, hard-work, and initiative. Through the long hours spent in meetings and at the research facilities, not only did I gain a significant exposure (How about changing this to something like "amount of knowledge" about the environment, I also learnt (Change to "learned") a lot about hard work and dedication. I learnt (Change to "learned") about initiative and resourcefulness from my parents, who are my biggest motivation. Whether in school or at work, whenever I made a wrong choice or waited for someone else to make things happen, they always inspired me to take the initiative to get things done.

Being a part of my family's enterprise has fuelled (Spelling: "fueled") my interest in the effect of the modern world on the environment (Like what?) . In the future, I see myself doing research in this field (What field?) for the better development of recycled products. UT has an incredible environmental science program that can aid in the pursuit of my dreams. I would like nothing better than to seize the opportunity to contribute positively towards campus life and take advantage of the wealth that an UT education has to offer."

Nice work!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com



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