Extracurricular Acitvity Essay-York High School

Prompt: Discuss an extracurricular activity, explain why you initially chose to do it, and its impacts on you.

"This is York. Take advantage of every opportunity given to you here. Leave no room for regret at the end of your high school experience." Those were the first words I heard when I entered York High School.

I remember listening to the principal speak as I tried to focus on the four years ahead of me. I wondered what activities I would decide to get involved in and what would shape my high school experience. At the end of my freshman year, I found myself reflecting back on her words and feeling dissatisfied by my involvement in school. I wanted something more. I wanted to feel like my presence at York would make a difference. This drive is what inspired me to apply to Student Council and become a representative for my class.

The changes that occurred after joining student council helped prove that I finally found my niche. Initially, I did not know anybody in StuCo and consequently I was presented with the challenge of approaching absolute strangers, initiating conversations with them, and eventually becoming their friend. This was something I definitely would not have done freshman year-it was too much out of my comfort zone. In fact, the restrictions I felt with my "comfort zone" disappeared. I became more outgoing and confident after joining council. The most important thing I learned was how to take initiative. I began to realize that with self-confidence and drive, my possibilities were endless and I began to truly discover what I could offer to others. Experience or not, I found myself volunteering for whatever opportunities StuCo presented to me. From committee chairs to the executive board, I tried different things that caught my interest and stuck with them. I discovered initiative is all you need to make a difference.

Your essay is pretty good, but there's some things you might want to fix:


This sentence sounds kind of awkward, especially with consequently following and. Also, I think that in some sentences towards the end you can omit the word 'StuCo' or 'council' because it's unnecessary, since you already stated in the beginning that it's what you're going to be talking about.

thank you for your help! i changed the sentence to read: Initially, I did not know anybody and I was presented with the challenge of approaching absolute strangers, initiating conversation with them, and eventually becoming their friend.

do you think my response satisfied the prompt or was my response too vague?

Your welcome!

In response your question, I think your response definitely meets the prompt requirements. After all, you gave specific examples on how it impacted you (increased your self confidence, made you take more initiative, etc.), as well as your involvement in the club.

Hm, does anybody else have any other helpful criticism about this essay?!