I express myself through my cakes; When Curiosity Led to Baking

Hello! This is my UNC writing supplement, which I'm planning on submitted for EA this Sunday. Let me know of any grammar issues, poor sentence structures, etc. Thank you!

After hours of baking, I come to such a critical moment, and suddenly I'm struck with a vision of a beautiful lace design; the finely woven strings of black royal icing on top of a smooth white fondant will give the cake a very simple, yet elegant appearance. I make a batch of icing, steady my hand, then get to work on the intricate design that I'm envisioning. Finally after over an hour of detailed piping, I look at my completed cake and am overjoyed by how well it turned out.

Although it now seems so natural to be baking and decorating cakes, I remember when the idea was quite foreign to me. Growing up in a family that abides by rather stringent gender roles, I hesitated to explore my curiosity for baking. However, driven by an insatiable desire to bake, I stepped out of this gender structure and discovered an incredible talent and passion of mine.

From the moment I completed my first cake, I knew that I was in love with baking. Albeit, the cake itself had a grainy texture and a certain unappetizing taste, and the decoration of the cake looked like the masterpiece of an inartistic two year old; however, these factors were irrelevant because all that mattered was the joy I experienced while creating the cake. After coming to the stark realization that my cake was terrible, my spare time became engulfed by learning new recipes, reading cake magazine, watching cake decorating videos on YouTube, and even enjoying a bit of Cake Boss.

After many a bad tasting cake, I began to perfect my cake recipes; I figured out the correct ratios of ingredients, then searched high and low for the perfect brands of flour, sugar, eggs, and flavoring, that give my cakes a wonderful and unique taste. Next I began to refine my decorating skills; I spent hours on end learning new techniques, researching creative ideas, and practicing designs whenever I could. Finally after months of baking, my cakes acquired such a heavenly taste and alluring appearance that an influx of people began to request my cakes; and thus began my cake business.

The money that comes along with my business merely helps me buy ingredients and invest in new equipment, but the real reason I bake is to express myself and display who I am through my cakes. The cake I've just finished reflects the intricacy and complexity of my personality, while other cakes I've done, such as a bunny shaped cake, reflect the more fun and creative parts of me. All of my cakes are me; they reflect my passions, dreams, desires, and cares; my cakes are an outward reflection of who I am and who I aspire to be. It's crazy to think that a love for desserts led to such an intense passion and a wonderful opportunity to express myself.

hey... you make me so tempted ... lol :D ...Anyway, it well presents your passion for cake making :)


I stepped out this gender limitations and discovered an incredible talent and passion of mine.
Is this your SOP? For what purpose you are writing this? It's good if we had a chance to look at the prompt... You've showed your creative talents through your writing too. However, without knowing what it aims, I cannot be of any help I guess :(

Thank you, Pahan!

This essay is my writing supplement for UNC Chapel Hill, and the prompt is: Tell us about a time when your curiosity led you someplace you weren't expecting to go.

If you don't think it fits this prompt, I could possibly use the prompt: Why do you do what you do?

First off why do you need to submit your UNC application in two hours? Is that a deadline you created for yourself? As far as your essay goes you show very good control of the english language. the only criticism that I have for you is your first paragraph. As a random person reading this for the first time the internal dialogue that you have in the first section gets a bit confusing. You skip around a little bit and the first couple sentences of your essay are your weakest. I know that many times when you read and re-read your essay hundreds of times things start to seem more fluent in your mind than they really are. Its not bad at all, but if I were you I would just try and make that area easier to read. If you want to post the edit for the essay I can read it tonight, I have plenty of college essays to write myself (and if you have time please read my short answer duke essay!).

I too agree with Pahan. This is quite interesting writing and I too like your unique style.


Well... I am clear whether this means a physical place or your life journey. I vote for the second prompt "Why do you do what you do?" I feel that is fitting with this response better.

You have a good start so far, but there are some things you can work on. For example, "Albeit, the cake had a grainy texture and an unpleasant taste, along with the decorative appeal of an inartistic two-year old's first painting; however, these factors were irrelevant, and all that mattered was the joy I experienced while creating my pathetic masterpiece." I feel as if this sentence lacks flow and is too choppy. Try to make this flow more naturally. You provide great detail in these sentences, but really try to make the words flow as smooth as possible. Your last sentence "Overall, my cakes reveal my passions, dreams, desires, and cares; they are an outward reflection of who I am and who I aspire to be.", ends with a vague ending. Try to make it more clear about your aspirations, dreams, etc. Other than that, you have a great start!

Thank you for your help! Do you think it fits well with the prompt? It asked me to write about an extracurricular activity or work experience. Do you think what I wrote about would fit this category?

I really like your topic. It's unique and very personal to you.

In the first sentence, you should either explain what your critical moment is or delete that phrase altogether. I don't think it's necessary and it flows better without it. For example, "After hours of baking, I am suddenly struck with a vision of a beautiful lace design..."

You can also shorten the phrase "the main reason I bake is to express myself and display who I am through my cakes," into "the main reason I bake is to display who I am through my cakes," or "the main reason I bake is to express myself through my cakes." If you include both "display who I am" and "express myself" it gets a bit redundant.

Other than that and a few other minor mistakes, I think you have a great essay that really gets through to the reader!

Thank you for your help! I appreciate it :)

I really like how you wrote about something that not a lot of people would think of since wen people hear extracurricular they think volunteer. It is very well written and I only had a few suggestions for you:

-par 1, sent 2: when you say that I'm envisioning, it doesn't flow to well, maybe try rewording it?
--par 2, sent 2: maybe change "one of the worst cakes ever baked" to "one of the worst cakes in existence"
-par 2, sent 3: take the "it" out at the end of the sentence, it's unnecessary
-par 2, last sent: it comes off a little too cocky, you lose the humble attitude that you previously conveyed, maybe try re-wording it
Really good job!!!! good luck! if you could comment on my essays that would be amazing!