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(My exploration / Autism) - UC Essays Review


saurabh93 11 / 94  
Jan 23, 2012   #1
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

"Mr. and Mrs. Shah, we need to talk about your son," the Stanford psychologist explained as my parents began to look anxious. "After 15 hours of thorough examination, we have concluded that Saurabh is diagnosed with high-functional autism."

On that hot summer morning in 1999, I initially did not know how to respond to that grim sounding claim. I was only a naïve 5 year old, occupied with a toy train set. On the other hand, my parents were dismayed with the result, and felt that I would remain academically and socially incapable for the remainder of my life. But they had no idea about the dramatic change they would witness in me for the next decade. I transformed noticeably in academics and social thinking, while reaping valuable life lessons during my journey.

But the answer did not strike me quickly. As an elementary school student, I excelled in academics, yet I met social challenges. I behaved noticeably different, and was constantly reprimanded by my teachers. My peers isolated me more frequently than other peers. I even had to transfer to a special education program. I constantly wondered what it meant to be autistic, and what accounted for the negative attention I received and the lack of change.

Only in middle school did I realize that there is a possibility for change, but it can only come through personal efforts. I had to look around me for opportunities, and inside me for strengths. Exploration was the key to my exposure to the world and ultimately my development as an individual. One such opportunity arose when I participated in a sixth grade Greek melodrama production. I was only given a few lines, but I was able to perform in front of an entire audience. Moreover, I made eye contact and appeared confident, and displayed no signs of awkward activity. I also participated in a competition where I recited Sanskrit shlokas, or verses, from Hindu religious text. Sanskrit is a language filled with difficult pronunciations, yet I memorized them and won first place. From these two events, I learned that I have the ability to showcase my talents and let the world know that I am a different individual beneath the façade of autism. I came to the realization that I can control my behavior and participate in new experiences at the same time. This led me to strive for more opportunities where I can discover who I truly am and what I have the potential to be.

In high school, my progress has led me to become the campaign manager for a mock election of a school wide project hosted by my AP Government class. I have also been volunteering at the El Camino Hospital every week, further fashioning my interaction skills with visitors, the sick, and the elderly.

My exploration not only made me more sophisticated but also altered how I view autism. I have heard stories of famous autistic people such as Temple Grandin who have climbed up the societal ladder by simply finding where their true passions lie and acting upon them. Struggles serve as groundbreakers for bringing about momentous change, even if one only seeks to know why they have them in the first place. I initially wanted to be viewed as an equal with my peers, yet I confronted barriers because of my limited social awareness. My individual progress began when I found occasions where I can discover who I truly am [awkward tense]. Continuing with this principle, I hope to find a career where I have the room to improve and excel. Over the last few years, I have begun to look at autism as more of a boon than a burden.

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are? I swam in only a few competitions in my entire life, yet I consider swimming to be a major building block of my individuality. I am an atypical swimmer because my principal aim was not to outwit others but to outwit myself. In other words, I chose to swim to clear an obstacle in my personal life.

As an autistic individual, I often struggled to meet etiquette standards both at home and at school. I needed to find an avenue where I could work on polishing my conduct and motivation, and not rely on the frequent prompts from my parents and staff. I chose swimming because I also wanted to work on controlling my habitual body fidgeting that was annoyeding me and my parents.

With autism, body coordination development is a slow and painstaking process. While it remains stagnant, focus does not. Over the six years that I have practiced swimming, my strokes have improved and became stronger, because I put my mind to the strokes. To propel myself, I had to coordinate my arms and legs in harmony. The keys to coordinating the arms and legs are focus and the motivation to persevere.

The improvement was evident in the constant trimming of the lap timings and my coaches' compliments. Although my progress is not remarkable relative to those of others, it has embedded inside me an urge to focus and possess intrinsic motivation. I learned that no matter what obstacle lies in front of me, there is a way to conquer it, and that is being in the right mindset by focusing on what matters. If I wanted to improve my body coordination, I had to commit vigorously to swimming, and persevere despite having dissatisfying results. Swimming is not only a means of competition, but also a means of self-development.

After the short-term satisfaction of beating the clock had winnowed down, I carried with me the long-term satisfaction that I could refrain from fidgeting, and pay more attention to my schoolwork. These results did not in anyway reflect the occasional repetition of levels and the letdowns I had from being last place. They are attributed solely to the level of dedication I placed in swimming. Because of swimming, I have grown as a more independent and motivated individual.

The UC Deadline was a long time ago, but I am still nervous about its quality to this day, and so I would like honest feedback!!
Athena - / 83 3  
Jan 24, 2012   #2
Hi

Great Essay!!!

I just corrected a few of errors I found:

I came to the realization that I had the ability tocan control my behavior and participate in new experiences at the same time.

This led me to strive for more greater opportunities where I can could discover who I truly am was and ...

My exploration not only made me more sophisticated but also altered how I view autismmy view towards autism.

I have heard stories of famous autistic people such as Temple Grandin who have climbed up the societal ladder by simply finding where their true passions liediscovering their true passions and acting upon them.

My individual progress began when I found occasions where I can discover who I truly amthat enabled me to discover who I really was and what I aspired to be .

All the best with ur application :)


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