I am applying to the architecture school at UT Austin. The following is the prompt and essay.
How is the organisation? Is it coherent?
I had to do some research on sentence variety. I read about transition, subordinate and coordinating conjunctions. They made a huge difference to the logical organisation.
Thanks for help:)
Prompt:Personal interaction with objects, images and spaces can be so powerful as to change the way one thinks about particular issues or topics. For your intended area of study (architecture), describe an experience where instruction in that area or your personal interaction with an object, image or space effected this type of change in your thinking. What did you do to act upon your new thinking and what have you done to prepare yourself for further study in this area?
DRAFT
Whenever I have the opportunity to draw, paint, or be creative; I always take initiative and like to oversight the project. Seeing my works in display or being admired partly give me a feeling of success. Architecture demands creativity and technicality. Furthermore architecture synthesized various studies, including art and science.
Whenever I have the opportunity to draw, paint, or be creative, I always take initiative and have oversight such project. Seeing my works in display or being admired give me a feeling of success. When I investigated possible career option I was searching for a career that had the creative aspect yet still had a hard technical side to it. Architecture demands creativity and technicality. Furthermore architecture synthesized various studies, including art and science. Architecture is the career I am going to pursue.
The art courses I have taken have convinced me that I will pursue a career in architecture.
I took my first art class in seventh grade. I learned about basic terminology, elements, and principles. The class was my favorite because there weren't any rules or theories; art was very personal. The creative side of me was sparked that year and it continues to burn bright today.
In my sophomore year I investigated career opportunities. My intellectual interest is wide and varied, from astronomy to biology and almost everything in between, consequentially deciding on a career to pursue was difficult. After doing some research about the major and its characteristics I discovered architecture was the choice for me. It was very dynamic and incorporated may personal interests. For instance the architect interacts and communicates with other people particularly contractors, real estate agents and lawyers. In addition, designing the building demands application of art's elements and principles. The job is very project oriented, which I like. Architecture also requires the study of different topics like the chemical composition of materials and physical properties of water runoff, to mentions a few, encompassing many areas of study.
Because I knew I wanted to study architecture, I knew I was on the right track, and I continued to take art, math, and physics courses.
During my art course, sophomore year, I developed my artistic skills even more and learned to see the world more in detail. One of my favorite parts about art class was learning about art periods. I personally liked the cubism, abstract and pop art periods. I liked the idea of experimentation that these periods characterized. My favorite work was by Salvador Dali, The Persistence of Memory, seeing the clocks melted was very unusual and radical. This period and it signature works have provided a inspiration for the work I want to create.
Art 2 AP was a whole new game; the quality of the works that needed to be produced was excellent. It definitely required a lot more work. It was a year of experimentation. I gained more confidence in my works and my skills as I developed my own art pieces.
Because I knew I wanted to pursue a career in architecture. I took the architecture course offered as part of the science-engineering program offered at my school. The most realistic hands on experience were the design challenges we had each quarter. The instructor set parameters and gave site characteristics; the students developed architectural solutions to the different situations. For part of the course we went over some important American architects like I.M. Pei, Frank Gehry, and Frank Lloyd Wright. Seeing their work marveled and inspired me. Having the opportunity to work in AutoCAD and Revit was enlightening made the experience even more realistic. I definitely had a good scope of what architecture was and I enjoyed it.
Since then I go online and access architecture websites, blogs, and news sites. The internet has provided a lot of stimulation and information. It also provides access to the architecture worlds so I can keep update on the latest new and trends.
*Currently Reading:
Analyzing Architecture- Simon Unwin
101 Things I learned in Architecture School-Mathew Frederick
"Whenever I have the opportunity to draw, paint, or be creative(;), I always take initiative and like to oversight the project."
"The art courses I have taken have convinced me that I canwill pursue a career in architecture" - this adds a bit more emphasis
I like how you mentioned specific works. The essay progresses well..
Goodluck!!
Whenever I have the opportunity to draw, paint, or be creative, I always take initiative and have oversight such project. Seeing my works in display or being admired give me a feeling of success.
These first two sentences are sort of uninteresting. They are bland, I guess.
This is bland, too: from astronomy to biology and almost everything in between...when you say something so broad, it becomes something anyone could say. Anyone could say that, and it would be generally true.
typo: incorporated may personal interests.
The rest of the essay is very impressive and full of good examples... I just think you should revise the intro. You might want to ask yourself, "What is the message I want the reader to remember after finishing the essay?" Give that message succinctly at the beginning and also at the end of the essay.
:-)
