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"n experience that will alter my life and future" HOW PURDUE HELP YOU ACHIEVE GOALS?


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hi! guys.... please leave your comments for this essay how much you like the content. thanks....
HOW WILL PURDUE HELP YOU ACHIEVE YOUR PROFESSIONAL AND PERSONAL GOALS ?

Since the time I sat down to write my essay, it's been a nightmare. I've heard that the weather is the most common topic of discussion. Unfortunately, it hasn't been my experience. It seems the only thing people in my life—parents, visitors, teachers, neighbors, and even my kid brother—want to talk about are my plans for the future.

SEE BELOW

Pretty good essay. You personalized it which is key, but using slang words such as "haters" may make this essay sound unproffesional. I noticed grammatical errors & pointed some of them out below to help you perfect it. Also, make sure when writing a sentence to finish the thought. Best of Luck!

"This I am certain this would certainly push the best in me out"....didn't make sense.
"...which aims to teach practical education with traditional teaching makes it very different from other Universities." ... "Universities" shouldn't be capitalized.
"forgotten!!" One exclamation point gets the point across.
"Stepping out into the "wild" was the key to get the best out of me." .. You've used "the best out of me" twice. Try switching your wording, so it doesn't sound like you're repeating yourself.
"Purdue has an diverse and inclusive student community.." "a" instead of "an"
"All in all college will also be a exciting challenge for me for which I am ready." Comma after "All in all"
Sep 8, 2010, 09:54am   #
Hey really good essay!
Yes ktsmith discussed pretty much everything I had to say. I did notice a few mistakes like
"Office Of Professional Practise" Practise should be Practice.
Also I do like the personality in this sentence:
"I like the idea of passing the torch of nerdiness to the next generation." But might I suggest changing around the phrasing a bit? Perhaps you could change "I like the idea" to something more like: "I admire the notion" or, "I enjoy the thought."
That's really all I had to say, but nice writing!
And even if I had thought about it, Chemistry would have been as far from my mind as Inner Mongolia is to everyone who's not from Inner Mongolia. ---- this is a great sentence. Even though I think this sentence is very clever, I wish you did not have to use the word recently. I wish this intro could refer to the way your attitude was 2 years ago. That way you do not have to emphasize the idea that you had no plans until recently. It really is better to focus on what driving force has been influencing you for a long time.

Looks like you accidentally made ever since one word: eversince.

Hey, I see that you hated chem prior to grade 7, so that means you can make the adjustment I was thinking of. Don't say recently. Make it so that you have been a chem enthusiast for a few years if possible.

:-) your writing style is great!
I thought the content was great! I liked how you talked about your involvement in academic research and interests in the Purdue's research.

Heres a few more things on top of what others have posted:

I was fortunate to get in touch

research on a process to store

In the conclusion the first sentences start with I've, I've, I've, I, I... It's somewhat repetitive and so maybe think of some ways you can make it more varying.

Also try to avoid using words like "don't" or "hasn't". In academic writing it is "do not" or "has not".
This is the correction work. Will be sending it on this 26th, so if any more changes please let me know. Thanks

I've heard that the weather is the most common topic of discussion. Unfortunately, it hasn't been my experience. It seems the only thing people in my life—parents, visitors, teachers, neighbours, and even my kid brother—want to talk about are my plans for the future.
Until recently, I didn't have a clue. And even if I had thought about it, Chemistry would have been as far from my mind as Inner Mongolia is to everyone who's not from Inner Mongolia.
Up until 7th grade, I hated Chemistry and my terrible grades were proof of the depth of my feelings. A friend had a cheesy suggestion—why didn't I pretend I was a professor of Chemistry and teach it to myself? I tried it and I must say I enjoyed the power of being a pretend professor. My mirror thought I was a chemistry professor, and slowly, so did my report card. Isomerism and bonding started to sound less alien. One day I realized I was voluntarily reading books that were outside of my course curriculum.
The recent name change of University Administration to Office Of Professional Practice which aims to teach practical education with traditional teaching makes it very different from other universities. The Teacher Recruitment day is Purdue's greatest attraction for students like me who dream to teach in the future. I like the idea of passing the torch of nerdiness to the next generation. And hopefully, turning a few chemistry haters into chemistry majors.
Purdue has a diverse and inclusive student community where students of different nationalities interact with each other. I believe that everyone who is admitted has something to contribute to diversity. As for me, I like to think I am a geek with no disabilities on physical note and mentally I am quite sound apart from the tendency to be sarcastic. I just imagine myself, sitting here, enthusiastically being involved in the campus organisations and activities. Let's just say, I can't wait
I have encountered challenges before but, the only difference now will be that I will be far from the safety bubble of my home. This experience would certainly test my potential and character. I remember the time I went hesitatingly to a river rafting camp. I was poor in conventional sports and my "good" friends never let that be forgotten! But honestly, I surprised myself with my exploits at the camp. Stepping out into the "wild" was the key to get the best out of me... I not only continued with river rafting but also took to body surfing-my favourite. Adventure sports became a passion for me and very soon I did an outdoor survival camp, paragliding and Para-sailing.
Ever since I did river rafting, I wanted to go for kayaking. It is one of my personal goals that remain unfulfilled, apart from studying in a prestigious University like Purdue. If I get admission, then I will certainly join the Purdue Outdoor club and participate in kayaking activity.
After graduation, I took a year off to do different things before going to college. I was fortunate to get in touch with Dr. Dhariwal, a professor in the civil engineering department of Jai Narayan University. I was even more fortunate to be allowed to assist him in his research projects. The topics I worked with him on were Building Material and their Pollution and Incorporation of Waste Matrixes into Building Materials in the Context of Regulatory Framework. These were printed in the Asian Journal of Chemical and Environmental Research. Not only did I learn what went into writing a journal, I gained insight into Chemistry and its interaction with the environment.
Writing Journals and preparing them has made me passionate about researching in chemistry and environment. The recent Purdue chemical engineering department research on process to store and generate hydrogen to run car's cell is fascinating. I am very keen on being a part of such research projects in the future. Purdue provides the base for research by providing great intern facilities also.
Along with my research, I started working in Ajit textiles, Jodhpur which is a textile printing unit. I work as an intern under textile designers and have learnt that fashion is more than slashing my jeans! All in all, college will also be another exciting challenge for me for which I am ready.
I've never been to America, much less Indiana. I've never been to college. I've never actually had friends from different nationalities. I have no idea what will result of mixing all these factors, but I'm excited to find out. I know it will be an experience that will alter my life and future in ways I can't yet comprehend. Uncertainty leaves room for growth, change, and learning. That's scary, and yet, I can't wait to get moving.



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