THIS IS FOR THE MAIN COMMON APP ESSAY OF WHERE YOU FEEL MOST COMFORTABLE AND CONTENT. ANY AND ALL SUGGESTIONS ARE WELCOME. THANK YOU!!!!!
As the loud "adhan" or prayer call from the Muslim mosque mixes with the rush hour of Hindu temple goers walking opposite me, it becomes difficult to keep up with my parents. I struggle to hear my mother's crude Telugu telling me to hurry up. With gigantic lorries honking endlessly, ungoverned traffic, and ninety degree plus temperatures, it is hard to see why anyone would want to come to India other than to visit family, as I am.
Everyone is in his or her own "little world." A roadside coconut seller is listening intensely to a cricket game in which India is down 4 runs. There are stragglers chasing an already crowded bus while a motorist swerves to avoid hitting the slowing bus.
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I have a sense of attachment to India---not with its tangible properties, but its tradition of tolerance.
- This does not answer the essay prompt at all. You are supposed to mention a place where you feel comfortable and content. It is not about a sense of attachment to a tradition and culture. Right now, your paper sounds more defensive of India rather than being a place where you feel comfortable and content. I can understand your saying that you are attached to its tradition of tolerance. However, there is nothing about tolerance that should make you comfortable and content in a place. If it does, then you should develop that sentiment better in order to explain the contentment and comfort that you feel in that place. You don't need to use such a long introduction. Go direct to the point and explain your reasons. A wordy essay does not equate to an informative essay. Just answer the prompt directly. If your comfortable place is the country, then explain why, making reference to tolerance whenever applicable within your paper. Right now, your essay does not align with the prompt.
India is where i feel most content. Its tolerance makes me feel this way through all the things i described. this is what i experience there and why it is meaningful to me. I actually do not know what specific parts to change, so if you could address the specific ares, that would be great. Thanks for the feedback!
the full prompt is btw: Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to you?
In middle school, hormones are rampant in the hallways and excessive fumes of body spray in the locker rooms can choke a man to death. A middle school student experiences many unique changes, but what I experienced all those years ago still haunts me today. On the bus one day, a fellow student was denied a seat by another student due to his skin color. As he scrambled to find a vacant seat, I felt a rush of disgust flooding over me. How could one do that to another? As the years went on, I came to find that not all places on Earth are like that middle school bus ride.
As the loud "adhan" or prayer call from the Muslim mosque mixes with the rush hour of Hindu temple goers walking opposite me, it becomes difficult to keep up with my parents. I struggle to hear my mother's crude Telugu telling me to hurry up. With gigantic lorries honking endlessly, ungoverned traffic, and ninety degree plus temperatures, it is hard to see why anyone would want to come to India other than to visit family, as I am. In the midst of all the honking and heat, what am I doing? I am smiling because I feel perfectly content in this place of flurry and flutter.
Over the numerous summers and school breaks, my eyes opened to the assimilated classical, Greek, and gothic architecture in Mumbai that was left by the British. When visiting the parliament building in New Delhi expecting to see nothing from Britain's colonization, I see paintings depicting British rule in India, hung proudly in the grand hallways. I have listened to English words such as "rubber," "auto," and "lorry" being used everyday, referring to erasers three-wheeled taxis, and transport trucks, respectively incorporated from the British language. In Kolkata, people can be seen enjoying the numerous churches and mansions left by the Britons. The British colonization was a troubling time in India's history, but now, India is a major cultural center for British and Indians alike. The tolerance and absorbance of different elements from history, such as the languages and architecture from British colonization, amazes me.
Even on a smaller scale, each province respects the laws of the others. Each religion respects each other's rights to display and practice publicly and freely. Muslims parade the streets with music and dancing on Eid-ul-Fitar while Hindus celebrate Diwali with sparklers and sweets.
Walking the dusty roads, a local shopkeeper invites me to the watch the day's cricket game in which India is down 5 runs. After walking down the road and buying a samosa from a local vender, my appetite for delicious cuisine and a friendly conversation is satiated. I have a sense of attachment to India---not with its tangible properties, but its tradition of tolerance and acceptance.
Looking back on that experience in middle school, I realize now not all places can show me the acceptance I have felt in India. India absorbs different cultures and ideas, inviting individuals to be a part of its diversity. I felt as if I was welcome, not just as a tourist, but as family.
This is why I feel perfectly content in India. With its blend of different cultures and ethnicities living harmoniously side-by-side, with its tolerance and acceptance of individuals into its diversity, India offers me an outlet for when I need a break from all the violence and hatred in the world. I can hardly wait for my next trip to India.
Hopefully this is a bit better
