I would appreciate it if somebody could go over my essay and tell me if it answers the question correctly or if there are any mistakes. This essay is for the second writing prompt:
Tell us about your academic goals, circumstances that may have had an impact on your academic performance, and, in general, anything else that you would like us to know about making an admission decision.
When I was around 14 years old, my dad asked me to come out into the garage. He told me that he wanted to replace the engine belt on my mother's car, and that he also wanted me to watch. From the moment that I first laid eyes on that car's engine, I was in awe. I quietly watched in wonder and amazement as he showed me all the parts, how they interacted with each other, and which part did what. As I learned about the parts, I become extremely curious and fascinated with how all the parts created one big machine. Through my dad teaching me about the car and how it worked, I gained a new interest and goal in life: engineering. Even though I knew that it would take a lot of work to change my curiosity into a career, I knew that if I succeeded, I could create the very things that I was now passionate about.
Ever since that warm summer night in the garage, I became extremely curious about how machines work. Shortly after watching my dad replace the engine belt, I had begun to take apart and tinker with things, such as an old rotary tool and a vacuum cleaner. While tinkering, I not only learned about how the machines worked, but I also learned basic things about physics, how to use tools, and a lot of other valuable knowledge that will help me later on in life. Tinkering taught me my most basic knowledge of machines.
Heavily influenced by new passion and my dad, I realized that I needed to work hard to achieve my goal. I decided to enroll myself in several Project Lead the Way high school engineering courses. During the first class, I learned how to design products on a CAD program, draw free hand, and how to decipher engineering plans and drawings. I then took my next course: Principles of Engineering. During this class, instead of just designing a device or a product, we actually built it as well. Now, present day, I decided to enroll my self in Engineering Design and Development. During this class, I am actually assuming the roll of what a real engineer does: research, develop, design, and build an invention or a modification of an existing product. Then, we are to present it to real engineers. If I never took these classes, I would have been completely unprepared for college level engineering.
While the path that I chose for myself was hard, I just knew deep down that I needed to become an engineer and to keep pursuing what I loved so much. To me, there is just nothing more satisfying than creating your own invention. My interest in engineering has led me from a curiosity to finding my true passion, and it is a passion that I will embrace for the rest of my life.
Thanks for your help, I really appreciate it!
Hi Zeith!
I tried to find a reason why I didn't like....well, can't say I didn't like it but somewhere it did not appeal.
I guess, it is because you did not choose to write the next part of question that is what would you like to say to the admission committee.
Try to come across as witty and hardworking. I love this engineering part not because there some great things done by you but its sounds very honest and earnest. Great writing style.... clean and simple.
Squeeze this that is all that you have written in about two paras maximum and add something more about you. But if you have done so in your first prompt.... then talk more about your
I learned how to design products on a CAD program, draw free hand, and how to decipher engineering plans and drawings. I then took my next course: Principles of Engineering.
This is a very important and strong aspect. Would suggest you to break it new para as it should be highlighted and not blurred in between few lines. THIS IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT.
Try to be more than an engineer... Hope this helps... :)
