I've written my essay about a significant achievement, experience or risk, and how it affected me and I was wondering if I could get some feedback on it. I'm definitely open to all criticism and I've also given this to teachers at school to evaluate as well. Thanks a lot in advance.
An elite group of students are accepted into a specific program in order to expand their range of knowledge. The moment when you're initially applying to gain acceptance, you're unsure of whether or not you'll get in, but you take that step of faith regardless. As the penultimate moment when you receive the acceptance or denial letter approach, fear starts to build up and your initial confidence level drops. When you finally receive the letter declaring your acceptance or rejection, you don't really know how to feel. All of the emotions and hard work you put into trying to get accepted is building up to this moment. In my life, applying for the Science and Technology Program at the high school I attend was the moment in my life where I felt all of these feelings surging at once.
It was winter 2007 and I had pretty much reached the halfway point of my eighth grade year. All of my classmates were anticipating our commencement from middle school and a hot discussion topic was where we'd attend high school. Honestly, there weren't that many options compared to options for colleges, but we still spoke about it frequently. During one of our many discussions about high school selection, someone brought up some information about a program for students who were interested in science and technology. I wasn't too sure about the program upon initial discovery, so I went home and looked it up. My research brought me this explanation of the program: "A highly challenging four year curriculum which provides college level academic experiences in science, math, and technology." My interest was piqued and I went on to search for more information about the program. When I was a child, I had several experiences with people in the medical field and these interactions created feelings of interest within me. This program was just the right option for me to begin embarking on that journey that I wanted to go on.
While searching for information on the program, I saw that there was an admission test being administered in order to select students who could be accepted into the program. Usually I would have just gone and taken the test without any real preparation, but in school the next week, several people in my class also said that they would try to get into the program as well. This brought me to the realization that I didn't need to be so complacent about the admission process, but I needed to get down and study for the test. Over the next few weeks, I studied rigorously in order to prepare for this test. Studying for this test also helped me out in the long run because I would use these same concepts later on down the road.
On test day, I was pretty confident and I sat through the test. I realized that I had seen a lot of this information during my studying sessions, so I went through the test briskly without worrying too much. As the time passed and the day for results confirmation neared, my confidence level started to drop. After speaking with a lot of my friends, they said that they weren't too sure how they did and in turn that also caused me to worry. A few weeks after the test, we received our results. I picked up the letter and I took that step of faith and opened it. It said I passed and I would be a member of the Science and Technology Program. This was the quintessential moment that defined a huge part of my life. In retrospect, I view the whole application process as a ground-breaking moment that shaped up a huge part of my life. It brought out feelings in me that helped me realize that I'm capable of accomplishing anything that I set my mind to.
Hi, I'm very sorry if my comments seem particularly offensive but:
While the writing is certainly competent, the topic seems a little...bland. I also go to a Science and Technology school, and frankly, if the most interesting thing in your life* is being in S/T, then you need to seriously re-evaluate your life goals.
At the very minimum, you should try to answer these questions:
1. why is Science and Tech so important to you? Are you a math geek? or a science geek? or somebody who didn't do that well in middle school so really wanted to self-improve?
2. "I'm capable of accomplishing anything that I set my mind to." What did you accompolish? Or if you're like me, and can't really answer that question with a straight face, more importantly, what will you accompolish?
3. I thought "The Elite Selection" was quasi-ironic, because I was almost certain that you were talking about college until I got to the end of the first paragraph. Maybe expand further on the humor?
4. A lot of this is about the test. It really doesn't tell us anything about you. I mean, it shows that you're determined, and smart, but frankly that's not very different from most people who want to go to college.
*which it definetely is not, I'm certain. Are you honestly telling me that you've never once had an obscure and minor but impactful experience in your life before?
