Growing up, I didn't always heed the good advice that was offered to me. I must have heard a hundred different clichés, all aimed at trying to help me avoid the pitfalls of my predecessors. "Never put off until tomorrow, what you can do today", "Hindsight is 20/20", "If you keep making that face, it will stay that way". I never really listened to most of them. If I had, perhaps I wouldn't have made some of the mistakes that I regret now.
I haven't always appreciated the value of a good education. I was young, reckless, carefree, and unable to see how my decisions would affect my future. Although I had the knowledge and ability to do well in high school, I lacked dedication and the maturity to understand just how important my education would be.
I may not have an outstanding high school transcript, and my ACT scores won't win any accolades, but thankfully, that was 15 years ago and a lot can happen in 15 years. I joined the Air Force and during my military career I developed a sense of integrity, self-motivation, and personal accountability. I graduated from technical training with awards of Distinguished Graduate in Electronics and Top Graduate in Avionics.
In my free time, I sought to further my education by attending a psychology class given by another University on base. I completed the course with a 4.0 and had the second highest grade in the class. Since then, I have deeply desired the opportunity to go back to school earn a degree in psychology.
Psychology, particularly abnormal psychology, fascinates me. I want to immerse myself in the world of abnormal psychology and pair that knowledge with a degree in criminal justice to become a criminologist; and I know that University of Wisconsin, with its outstanding psychology program, is exactly what I need to accomplish those goals. With a great school, the tools I developed in the military, and the maturity to understand their value, I am confident that I will be successful.
If hindsight really is 20/20, I know that 15 years from now I will be able to look back at all I have accomplished with my education and my life, and this time, there won't be any regrets.
This is a very rough draft. I would appreciate any input. Thanks!
I haven't always appreciated the value of a good education.
I could hardly find anything to fix in your essay, but you should say something about your academic goals, according to the prompt. What do you want to study? Did the psychology course make you want to become a therapist? What type of classes do you want to take? What is it that you want to accomplish that makes this school the perfect place for you?
Good luck in school and have fun!
:)
If I had, perhaps I wouldn't have made some of the mistakes that I regret now.
At the end of the first paragraph, I think it is important to try to leave the message that will stay in the reader's mind after she finishes skimming through the essay.
I think this sentence above is good because of its meaningfulness, but I think you should add another sentence after it before ending the first paragraph.
Well, I see at the end of the essay you talk about "no regrets" again, so it is a strong theme. The essay is impressive because of that. But can you add a dimension to the theme that shows that you know specifically where you are going and what you are doing? Show that you have a plan. You'll be most impressive if you mention a recent book or article you have been reading because of your interest... and your specific intention. You must have specific research interests and specific types of jobs as a psychologist in mind...
:-)
