If anybody could please help edit my personal statements, that would be much appreciated. Be honest. Thank you for your time. I am an economics major and I plan on transferring this year to a University of California.
MOD comment:One topic at one time please
What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement.
Personal Statement 1
Economics is the key principle that drives human beings today, and I intend to study this subject for the entirety of my life. This principle is defined as the study of choices in the face of limited resources, and although money isn't the only factor, it is the major one. I intend to study the trends and theories behind money and how people around the world are driven by currency.
I can trace my interest in economics back to my dad and his hard work. He would pull into the garage every day around 2:30, home from his first job. He'd then proceed to his second job here at home, darting back and forth from room to room, and I could hear the shipping tape from my room, knowing the contents of the packages he shipped: Batteries. I first looked into business as a definite interest, but as I took my AP Macroeconomics class during my senior year of high school, my interest shifted. I learned of models, theories, trends, graphs, equations, and the like. Not only was I intrigued, I actually understood what was being taught to me. Everything made sense to me. I had a newfound direction in life.
The significance of money in my life increased drastically, so I decided to try and find experience in the field. I earned my first job during the summer after I graduated as a cashier at a hot dog stand at the OC Fair. I was glad to earn a paycheck, glad to see my hard work being quantified, turning into cash (although money is not my only motivation to work hard ). For one month, I worked this fast-paced occupation (sometimes even working food in the kitchen as well) and I yearned to work more after the month was over. I decided to focus more on my dad's home business, and everything that goes with it: shipping, inventory, sales, and paperwork. Still drawn to the economic aspect, I pay attention to the cost of the batteries, what price to sell them at to make a profit but to please the customer at the same time, the batteries people buy the most, and the profits we make compared to previous weeks, months, and years. Our accountant even works with me in the Peachtree Accounting program, showing me what to pay attention to, and what to keep track of. I've put much time into this business, but my primary concern is to continue my education in the field of economics. I'd love to even apply everything I learn to this very business one day.
Hard work, determination, risk-taking, optimism, and initiative are all aspects I've come to bring up inside of me as a result of my experiences, and they will resume existence as I continue living and working. I have been provided with a foundation for economics, and although obstacles are sure to come face to face with me, I will make sure not to back down in my struggles and battles. I aim to contribute largely to the subject of economics in my future, and I know to achieve that comes great challenge, but upon achievement comes worthy success.
I think you have answered all the aspects of the primary question. You have included what was asked for in neat order, which makes it very easy to read and understand, I also think you have thoroughly discussed how your interest in economics and how it has grown and what has caused that, and your future motive goals. I very much as well like the fact that your work is very clear, you have not embellished it with complex words. I also like your attitude going about being successful and overcoming your obstacles. Overall I think you did a neat job. Although I would have liked to know more about your high school experience in developing your passion in learning about economics, besides the economic course you took maybe you could have included council or clubs in school that lead you to be even more integrated and intrigued in the field of economics.I don't know what to advice you properly about, as I'm still learning and developing my critic skills. I hope I have helped you some way and I apologize if I did not cover something you were looking for more comment on. I hope you get hold of one your fellow classmates or friend and personally ask them to read your Personal Statement. Good job!
