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dreadful diagnosis - James Madison Admissions Essay


answers: 1
Dec 30, 2013, 02:51pm   #
I have written my essay and the prompt was basically write whatever you pleased. So I was hoping for feedback and any changes I need to make. Thank you! Max 500 words

I thought it could never happen to me. I thought I was invincible. I thought I lived in a fantasy. I believed that everything bad in the world was just a picture on a TV screen. I became accustom to hearing such awful news, figuring it wouldn't happen to me. But, right as I thought that, reality slapped me right across the face.On October 4, 2013 my mother was diagnosed with cancer

The days immediately following the diagnosis were surreal. it's as if a doctor had come up to you and sent an electric shock through your body that sent blood coursing through your veins and left you with your stomach turned inside out.

As my mom began the chemotherapy, it was difficult to watch the changes that occurred. She had to take a multitude of pills, each which seemed to have their own side effect, whether it made it harder to swallow food or caused fatigue. Not to mention the inevitable loss of hair. Then every time she began to feel better, it was another session of chemo. It seemed like a never ending cycle.

Throughout this time I would wonder to myself "Why my mom?", "Why now?", but I knew there was no use in that. I desperately wanted to help out my mom in any way, but what could I do? I wasn't a doctor. Up to that point, my mom was such a vital part of the household, it seemed she did every minute thing that needed to be done. I realized I needed to help my mom out around the household. Though my mom could still do daily chores around the house, you could tell she had gotten weaker, especially after chemotherapy sessions. Anytime she mustered the strength to do work around the house, she would quickly become fatigued. It was only appropriate that I made contributions around the household.

As time progressed, I felt less reliant on my parents and more dependent on myself. I was the one who drove and picked my brother from Boy Scouts, and sporting events. Anything I could do to lessen the burden off my parents shoulders was imperative to me. Anytime my mom needed something done, I felt it was my obligation to drop whatever I was doing and assist in anyway I was needed. All of the sudden, I was a major contributor in the household. It was a tremendous sense of self-worth and pride.

It has now been around 3 months since the dreadful diagnosis, and my mother continues to fight and gain strength. Although I don't know what the future will hold, I do know that each day is unique and that I can only focus on the present while learning from the past. I now believe that everything happens for reason and my moms situation has taught me how to adapt to new situations along with teaching me to deal with adversity and to take nothing for granted.
Dec 30, 2013, 06:21pm   #
I really the voice of your essay, it shows who you are and what you think. A lot of these corrections here are mainly my opinion on how it would sound better, so don't feel the need to listen to me.
Roxfan19:
I thought I lived in a fantasy.
This sounds like you actually thought you were leaving in a fantasy, so I think it would sound better if you change it.
Roxfan19:
I used to believed that everything bad in the world was just a picture on a TV screen, and . I became accustom to hearing such awful news, figuring it wouldn't happen to me. But, right as I thought that then, reality slapped me right across the face. On October 4, 2013,

Roxfan19:
The days immediately following that followed the diagnosis were surreal. it's It was as if a doctor had come up to you and sent an electric shock through your body that sent blood coursing through your veins and left you with your stomach turned inside out.
In this last sentence, I recommend that you write this in first person, so we know what you felt.
Roxfan19:
whether it made it harder for her to swallow food or caused her fatigue

Roxfan19:
it seemed she did every minute thing that needed to be done
What are you trying to say here?
Roxfan19:
As time progressed, I felt became less reliant on my parents and more dependent on myself.

Roxfan19:
picked my brother from Boy Scouts, and sporting events

Roxfan19:
I was doing and assist in anyway I was neededcould.

Roxfan19:
All of the sudden, I was a major contributor in the household. It was and that gave me a tremendous sense of self-worth and pride.

Roxfan19:
situations along with teaching me how to deal with adversity and to take nothing for granted.

Good luck!
(Can you please help with my essays?)



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