I really the voice of your essay, it shows who you are and what you think. A lot of these corrections here are mainly my opinion on how it would sound better, so don't feel the need to listen to me.
I thought I lived in a fantasy.
This sounds like you actually thought you were leaving in a fantasy, so I think it would sound better if you change it.
I used to believe
d that everything bad in the world was just a picture on a TV screen, and . I became accustom to hearing such awful news, figuring it wouldn't happen to me. But , right as I thought that then, reality slapped me right across the face. On October 4, 2013,
immediately following that followed the diagnosis were surreal. it's It was as if a doctor had come up to you and sent an electric shock through your body that sent blood coursing through your veins and left you with your stomach turned inside out.
In this last sentence, I recommend that you write this in first person, so we know what you
whether it made it harder for her to swallow food or caused her fatigue
it seemed she did every minute thing that needed to be done
What are you trying to say here?
As time progressed, I
felt became less reliant on my parents and more dependent on myself.
picked my brother from Boy Scouts
, and sporting events
I was doing and assist in anyway I
All of the sudden, I was a major contributor in the household
. It was and that gave me a tremendous sense of self-worth and pride.
situations along with teaching me how to deal with adversity and to take nothing for granted.
(Can you please help with my essays?)