Any thoughts? All constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated!
Prompt: Please tell us what you find most appealing about Columbia and why.
Growing up in a predominately Asian community, the mindset that I was raised with was "If it doesn't ensure a prosperous future, then it's a waste of time." For a while, I believed my parents' argument that the arts and humanities were good for hobbies, but nothing more. In high school, however, I found myself conflicted, because while I loved and excelled in the biological sciences, I found a passion for the humanities. It began in freshman year when I picked up my copy of The Odyssey. Entranced by the adventure as well as the history behind the epic, I reveled in the opportunity to share ideas with my peers about an ancient piece of literature. When I learned that upon admittance to Columbia, each student receives a copy of The Iliad whether they applied as a prospective literature major or biology major, I fell in love with the school.
The thing I find most appealing about Columbia is the Core Curriculum, because to me, it means that I can pursue my dream of becoming a doctor while immersing myself in the world arts, literature, and philosophy. Perhaps my favorite part of the Core is that it is not designed to teach students what to think, but how to think. An alumnus told me that the idea behind the Core is to enable Columbia students to have casual, intelligent discussions about anything from Plato to quantum physics. The thought of being able to talk about such a wide array of profound subjects sent a shiver down my spine. I knew that Columbia was right for me.
The thought of being able to talk about such a wide array of profound subjects sent a shiver down my spine.
How about "put me on the edge of my seat"?
Above all this is thought and well-developed.
I think the beginning is a bit much. Bringing up "Asian community," comes off as an unnecessary generalization.
Also, I don't think this piece shows why you're a true fit for Columbia. You mention Columbia's core curriculum, but in what way does is that curriculum truly different from any other colleges program? Don't liberal arts colleges do the same? Teach you an array of subjects to make you well-rounded? I think you can improve if you talk about something more distinctive about Columbia.
Sorry if this comes off as being harsh. Just my opinion.
Well, I'll tell you that this beats my supplement. All I talked about was how great Columbia was, but not so much why I deserved to go there. Guess that's why I didn't get in.
So this is pretty good; it's personal, but it also shows that you have knowledge of Columbia's curriculum. Perhaps you could scratch the Asian community part to avoid creating any unpleasant stereotypes and just talk about how that was just your family's attitude. If you're trying to sneak in your ethnic background into the essay, I don't think it matters too much since that's already in the CommonApp. But if your ethnicity means that much to you, perhaps you could include it in a way that doesn't create a stereotype. All in all though, I'll give it a 4/5.
You want to get straight to the point, and not start talking about Columbia during the last 1/3 part of your essay. You can begin the essay with "When I learned that upon admittance to Columbia, each student receives a copy of The Iliad..." and your essay would still be equally effective. But now, you can add a lot more things about Columbia itself and why it's attractive to you. Good luck.
is there a word limit? cause if there isn't, i'd definitely talk more about what you like about columbia cause right now, it's a little personal-heavy...anything else you like about the school itself would help bunches
...totally understand the asian philosophy though :P help me out and read mine?
