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Describe the proposed field to study in Australia - Help me, revise it


answers: 1
Jul 24, 2008, 10:07pm   #
Describe the proposed field you wish to study in Australia and why you have selected this field. In your answer you should explain:

i. How your proposed study is related to your work experience; and
ii. What specific skills and knowledge you hope to gain from this study.


Help me revise and commend the ideas are not good, thank you very much indeed.
Population growth, rapid urbanization, and increasing water supply and sanitation provision will all generate increased problems from wastewater pollution and water scarcity. In order to overcome these challenges, it is essential for Vietnam providing suitable water and wastewater management plans and having well trained environmental engineers and managers. Therefore, I want to pursue the Master programme in Water and Wastewater Management to obtain both theoretical abilities and applicable skills on a higher level that I can broaden and deepen my knowledge. Working at the Department of Environment where we train students to be professional environmental managers and engineers. I always have to continuously improve myself by obtaining the knowledge and skills of modern environmental management systems to become an excellent teacher and an expert in this field. Participating in this course is the best chance for me to fulfill my goals. Moreover, I really want this program not only provides me with specialised training in sustainable water and wastewater management but also equips me with the required knowledge in the planning, design, implementation and management of projects in water and wastewater industries. Besides, I have gained many experiences through my involvement in researching on wastewater treatment and projects such as: Strengthen the capacity of Vietnamese communities to facilitate and promote community-based environmental management to protect Tan Hoa Lo Gom canal, Research on the applicability of Life Cycle Management in the shrimp processing enterprises in Ho Chi Minh City Vietnam, and researching on Applying biological technology combined with the up-flow sludge blanket filter (USBF) to treat municipal wastewater...etc. With skills and knowledge I had learned, I strongly believe that I can easily cope with the MSc programme in Water and Wastewater Management.

Good morning!

Here are my suggestions:

"Population growth, rapid urbanization, and increasing water supply and sanitation provisions will all generate increased (This is word for word from www.unesco.com; make sure you properly cite any work that is not originally yours; otherwise it is plagiarism. Either cite this passage or rewrite it in your own words.) problems from wastewater pollution and water scarcity. In order to overcome these challenges, it is essential for Vietnam to have suitable water and wastewater management plans and having well trained environmental engineers and managers. Therefore, I want to pursue the Master programme in Water and Wastewater Management to obtain both theoretical abilities and applicable skills on a higher level so that I can broaden and deepen my knowledge. I am already working at the Department of Environment where we train students to be professional environmental managers and engineers. I always have to continuously improve myself by obtaining the knowledge and skills of modern environmental management systems to become an excellent teacher and an expert in this field. Participating in this course is the best chance for me to fulfill my goals. Moreover, I really want into this program because it not only provides me with specialized training in sustainable water and wastewater management but also equips me with the required knowledge in the planning, design, implementation, and management of projects in water and wastewater industries. Besides, I have gained experience through my involvement in researching on wastewater treatment and projects such as strengthening the capacity of Vietnamese communities to facilitate and promote community-based environmental management to protect Tan Hoa Lo Gom canal, research on the applicability of life cycle management in the shrimp processing enterprises in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam, and researching on the application of biological technology combined with the up-flow sludge blanket filter (USBF) to treat municipal wastewater. With skills and knowledge I had learned, I strongly believe that I can easily cope with the MSc programme in Water and Wastewater Management."

You've got good content here. You tell why you want into the program and your previous experience in the field that qualifies you for entry. Watch the mechanics; you randomly capitalize letters throughout the essay, and had some punctuation errors. Also make sure you write in one tense throughout the text and that your words are complete. Keep up the good work.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com



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