I'd really appreciate feedback on content, grammar, etc. I'm particularly concerned if the 3rd paragraph is too silly and unprofessional...
With my passion, humor and dedication, I can contribute to a positive, progressive attitude to the BU community.
My passion for life is a defining characteristic of my nature. I feel an intense draw towards adventure, risk and excitement. I choose to explore the overgrown trail while hiking, or to drive a couple of miles further into a different part of town just for the sake of seeing it. To me, enthusiasm for life doesn't mean sporting a perpetual grin or an unwavering positive attitude; rather, it is displayed in one's ability to enjoy and to engage, no matter the situation or environment. My passion for life will impact the Boston University community on a personal level, by inspiring the friends and peers that I share my eagerness with. On a larger scale, my passion will lead me to participate in a variety of activities, such as studying abroad or joining intramural sports teams, for the sake of trying something new.
Another quality that identifies me is my sense of humor. I naturally see the humor in situations where others might be overwhelmed with awkwardness. When my friend and I accidentally attended a burlesque show in India because we were under the impression that it was a cultural dance performance, I broke into hysterics. Instead of squirm at the strange display, we simply left and reminisced on the humor of the mistake for the remainder of our trip. Though I am guilty of laughing at some inappropriate moments, I feel that my ability to see the comedic quality of life is a blessing rather than a curse. One of my favorite feelings is the euphoria of genuine laughter, and I seek to spread it the best I can. My sense of humor would contribute to the BU community by spreading a positive attitude. Though academic dedication and hard work are important, laughter and enjoyment are equally significant and contributive to success.
I am also characterized by my dedication to pursue my ideas and bring them to fruition. When a particularly interesting idea strikes me, I prefer to follow it instead of letting it float away. My junior year, I comically discussed with my friends the Lumberjack Club that Louis Stevens starts on one episode of the silly Disney show, Even Stevens. While my friends dismissed the idea as ridiculous, I continued to think about the appeal of a school club that would meet only to eat pancakes and discuss lumberjack culture. While this foundational idea was far-fetched, I eventually polished it into a potential club where students would participate in outdoor activities like hiking and fishing (and possibly enjoying some pancakes, too). In my senior year, I finally brought this idea into being through the creation of Wilderness Club. Though it stemmed from a fanciful discussion, Wilderness Club is now a legitimate organization that serves to unite students and build an appreciation for nature on campus. At BU, I could use this same dedication and innovation to build new organizations and bring unusual ideas to life.
My passion for life is a defining characteristic of my nature. (I cross out tis first sentence because it is so ambiguous and confusing.) For good or ill, I a feel intensely drawn toward adventure, r isk and excitement. I choose to explore the overgrown trail while hiking, and I drive a couple of miles further into...
I think the theme would be more powerful if you write "Humor and Dedication" instead of "Sense of Humor and Dedication"
I like the general idea a lot, but it seems like too much me me me talk. It is hard to avoid saying I think this and I do that, because the essay is about you, but I think as you revise you might want to (pontificate?) a little more, expressing ideas objectively instead of saying "I" this and "me" that.
:-)
