Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
My decision to become a pharmacist was no surprise to my relatives. Our family seemed to have a natural inclination towards the profession. My aunt and cousin are pharmacists in southern California and our family formerly owned a pharmacy store in the Philippines. Thus, my decision was not a departure from the normal (or aberrational?). However, this decision was influenced by many more factors, primarily by my family and my personal curiosities. Throughout my life, I have considered different possible careers based on my interest at that time. However, upon much reflection, I have come to realize that subtle indications of my passion for Chemistry have made me decide to take Pharmacy.
Ever since I was a child, I was often curious about the composition of certain products. I would read labels, mix products, crush leaves and do odd tasks in order to come up with the most appropriate product to solve a certain problem. This has been my stance towards Chemistry as a child, long before I knew the subject existed. Apart from this passion in Chemistry, I also have a desire to help other people. From the variety of volunteer jobs I have participated in, I have felt satisfaction in volunteering. From assiting patients at the local hospital, to volunteering in the school library, I have felt an immense desire to help others. Therefore, I would like to use my interest in Chemistry, as well as my passion for assisting others, to be a successful, practicing pharmacist who cares ardently for her patients.
In addition to my personal interest for Chemistry, my parents have made a significant influence in my decision to take Pharmacy. I would describe them as hardworking and caring individuals who strive to provide my brother and me with the best opportunity to get the most in-depth education possible. This is most evident when my family decided to move to Canada. When we came to Canada, we left all the security of our material possessions and our support groups behind for the uncertainty of the future. Being a participant in the moving process, I admire the effort they have gone through in order to provide us with the most stable environment to grow in. Though I know that I can never experience what they are going through unless I am thrust into the same situation, I highly commend their effort. Thus, I want to prove to my parents that their hard work will eventually pay off through my effort to become a pharmacist.
My relatives in California could be described as the fulfillment of the American Dream. Through unceasing hard work and perseverance, they have achieved a fairly affluent lifestyle in prosperous suburban areas in both Southern and Northern California. Through an incessant determination and endless effort, I hope to be able to achieve the same financial stability, not only for myself, but also for my family. I strive to pursue what I love doing and to give my parents reason for their efforts. Most of all, I aim to make a difference in someone's life. Whether it is through my efforts as a professional, or as a kind and open-minded individual, I hope to embody within them a sense of satisfaction for themselves.
(makes a total of 517 words)
I highly value the feedback you give :).
Its a very good essay but I think you should dwell on one world, your family or your love for chemistry.You started the essay with your family influence and the moved to love for chemistry and back to family influence.I think you should stick to one to have a stronger and more convincing essay.
Thus, my decision was not a departure from the normal (or aberrational?) This whole sentence is unnecessary. You already established this point.
Your last sentence of that first paragraph suggests that the main idea of the essay is about chemistry.. because you already said you were going to be a pharmacist. I think you should just redirect the focus of the essay by adding one more sentence to the end of that first paragraph -- a sentence that conveys your most important truth.
Similarly, your ast paragraph has to capture the central idea, so I don't know if it should start with a sentence about your relatives in California. Start your paragraphs with god topic sentences that catch the main idea of the paragraph.
