i'm not sure my essay really reveals who I am. Also, is the tone too serious? It also sounds a bit rambling, but maybe that's just me.
Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate-and us-know you better.
Hello there Roomate,
My cousin came over last week and was blasting her iTunes on her laptop while I read a cheesy vampire novel from the library (where half of the teen books seem to consist of vampires and/or girls with vapid love problems). All of a sudden, a song came up that went: "What if we get drunk? What if we smoke weed? We're just having fun..." I was shocked; what if kids hear this song and decide it's okay to get high on drugs? Go on, call me straitlaced, but I don't understand why modern American music focuses on alcohol and clubs. If forced to listen to American music, I'd prefer the classics, such as Papa by Paul Anka or Yesterday Once More by the Carpenters. Give me a choice of any genre in the world, and I'd go straight to K-Pop. Why K-Pop? At first, even I avoided it after seeing how my older cousin fangirled over the (supposedly) hot guys. However, I've now been an avid K-Pop fan for almost four years, not for the singers' looks, but for their talent and music. I can't understand a single word but I'm still drawn to the songs-I guess this is what it means when people say music is universal. I can also listen to K-Pop in front of my mom, who even considers "stupid" as a curse word. Besides singing on music videos, Korean singers also sing live and dance at the same time, which takes a lot of stamina, and come onto variety shows which reveal their human side; some have even entered the movie industry! The creative choreography of many K-Pop songs rampage the Internet, and while they're not easy to imitate, the choreography is fun and appropriate, unlike American club music. Real talent, real people, great music, and no need to worry about inappropriate lyrics-there's no incentive for me to return to American music. Call me a fob if you want, but as for me, I'm glad to have found music that pulls me in so deeply that I'm left yearning to listen to it again and again. Prepare for your ears to be bombarded by Korean music.
Your Roomate,
Anh Nguyen
It is good, but I think that it is more as if you are telling a story instead of telling someone about you. Think about it this way, if you were talking with someone face to face and they asked you to tell them something about you, is this what you would tell them? Also, avoid slang like "fangirled" because it can be unprofessional and the admissions people might not understand what it means. But I really like the point you make about music being universal. Again, avoid "fob" because they might not understand. Think about what you want to tell your roommate. Is the only thing you want to tell them that you have a disdain for American music and only listen to Kpop?
its because of the "something" in the prompt. it sounds like its referrign to one thing only, thats why i stuck with kpop only. also, i did another roomate essay exhibiting my multiple interests, but it sounded like i was rambling, so i chose this essay instead. thanks for your tips, though, they really helped with the flow of the essay
