The Courageous Keys - Princeton Supplement

"Courage is the first of all human qualities because it is the quality which guarantees all others." - Winston Churchill.
(The previous day) "Yes, John, there is a concert at TAC college tomorrow. Would you like to come?" Now in the bus, moving along the bumpy road, there I was, after being informed that I'll be more than a spectator at the event. I was ambivalent - excited about performing in front of a large audience, yet drowned in a more apparent feeling of an impending fiasco. I have done impromptu speeches, but not unrehearsed performances! The music teacher said he got the invitation late also. He must have felt accomplished, having lured me into playing at the concert. Finally, we completed the first part of our journey a little behind schedule. Our school had developed this image of "being late" as we were dilatory the last time we had a function at TAC college. As we quietly walked to our reserved seats, trying hard not to attract any attention, we had the other participating schools staring at us with such negative energy. The first part of the concert - the one for the beginners soon ended. Next, the intermediate pianists from the different schools were called out. I didn't raise a foot, as I was already intimidated by the expertise displayed by the last 'beginner' pianist; and he played my intended piece, "Rondo alla turca," by Mozart. But, to my surprise, the pianist who classified themselves into the intermediate weren't as spectacular as the beginner. Now, the last remained ant this was for the veterans. The British coordinator called out for any experts. A long cold silence followed, and then he called out again. I knew I had to represent my school, though I wasn't obliged to and after a self-debate, I stood up. A few more performers joined me. After about two of them played, I sat at the piano, still trying to dig out a piece from my memory. I began playing the popular Beethoven classic, "Fur Elise." Apart from my playing, I could also hear the hall silent in astonishment. Hitting the last four keys of the piece, the crowd began to stand and applaud. I'd never gotten such a loud echoing applaud from the performer's angle - this was a simple piece I play almost every day at home. I was the expert of the evening. Certainly, I was glad I took the first step of courage and with an enthusiastic handshake from the coordinator, I took a bow.

Nice... but still needs to go a long way. Somewhere, its courage that is missing from your essay. You are not telling the complete story of that day.

1)The experience is unexplained. Please tell us, whether you had butterflies in your tummy or something? Was there some thought or memory that you need to share.


I think this part is quite irrelevant. I want to know about you.... more of you and your character. It needs to be done without boasting. Also, you are applying to Princeton that takes exactly 8% of students who apply. Somewhere, this essay is very common. I mean, I can put my name and this essay would remain the same. What would set it apart from others is.... you, your feelings and your courage that made impossible possible.

Post up the second draft with those corrections. OK. Then, we can work on the grammar and all that stuff. Cheers and hope this helps.... :)

PS: If, there is word constrain then, forget it! First put whatever you want to in this essay because that would give it a flow. A nice smooth story flow! Editing is very easy, so just let go of all inhibitions and type the story. ;)

This is probably not the best way to show the time passing.
Just omit that parenthetical note, and start with that invitation:
"Yes, John, there is a concert at TAC college tomorrow. Would you like to come?" Now in the...--- That is very good on its own.

End that first paragraph sometime and make it into 2 paragraphs! That is important, because you have a lot of ideas packed into a single paragraph here!

I think you need to add s to pluralize these nouns:
But, to my surprise, the pianists who classified themselves into the intermediate category weren't as spectacular as the beginners.

:-)