Considering your lifetime goals, discuss how your current and future academic and extra-curricular activities might help you achieve your goals.
For a long time, I thought that knowing exactly what you wanted to do in life
was a talent given to everyone but me, that I was the only one not a part of
this big, clandestine club. Kind of like the Illuminati, but friendlier. And
then it hit me, like some Old Testament beam of light: just do what you love;
do what makes you happy, whatever continuously transforms you into a better
person. And so I did just that. I began throwing myself into academic decathlon
and quiz bowl because I craved to know more about everything, I sought more
intentional interactions in my relationships so I joined organizations like I
Am That Girl, I began realizing that acquainting myself "with the glaciers
and wild gardens brought me near the heart of the world" and escaped into
nature, and piece by piece my passions began falling into place. Now here I
stand (metaphorically), just shy of 18 years old, with an actual idea of what I
want to do in life; I want to go into environmental public policy, be a
lifelong scholar, and most importantly, I want to do good.
Abigail Adams said that "Learning is not attained by chance, it must be sought
for with ardor and attended to with diligence", and my aim is to continue to
seek learning for the rest of my days, regardless of whether or not I am in the
classroom. Academic decathlon and quiz bowl encourage me to acquire vast tracts
of knowledge on my own outside of class, and UIL current events and social
studies do the same on a more specific level. These activities are all founded
on the basis of studying and keeping up with the world both past and present, a
pastime which I have discovered has made me a more driven and invested citizen.
This passion for learning has also translated into the classroom, and I find
myself interested more in understanding why things work than in the grade
given. In fact, when your goal is to learn everything about the subject so you
can be satisfied that you know more about it than yesterday, typically your
grade is not harmed but even boosted because of it. As I go forth into college
and life after that, I know that my devotion to discovery will encourage me to
succeed and flourish.
In addition to my quest for enlightenment through sciences and the arts, I also
find myself through nature. I know it's hard to say that without bordering on
sounding like a hippie, but I really do mean it. After I took environmental
science sophomore year, I finally could understand and see the underlying
cycles that had always been a part of my surrounding environment; I just
couldn't recognize them before. Now that I feel at home in nature and stirred
by its beauty, I've sought out membership in my local Sierra Club, find
inspiration in the writings and works of such naturalists as John Muir and
Ansel Adams, and spend my spare time hiking the Texas Hill Country. My past and
current foundations in science have allowed me to pursue more expertise in the
how's and why's of the world, and I'm excited by the prospect of promoting
conservation and sustainability in order to protect and preserve this natural
world. In fact, while many seniors have dreams of going to Paris or New York
(not to say that I don't also have aspirations to travel to world centers of
culture and history), my own dream is to go camping in Yosemite National Park.
We're given this amazing world to explore and respect, and I see no goal more
admirable than to give back in my own way by saving these natural places and
not leaving them worse off for those to come.
Most importantly, however, I want to do good; this desire to live a life of
kindness, caring, and standing up for myself and others is the underlying
motivation for all I do. I believe that learning more about the world around me
and conserving it has bettered me as a person and made me more able to
contribute to our society. And yet, I want to do good in my personal life as
well as my professional one, so I joined I Am That Girl, an organization that
promotes intentionality and genuine conversation with others. It has taught me
to see the worth in myself and celebrate the talents of others, and I find the
possibilities of the future endless, a fact that excites and exhilarates me.
Malala Yousafzai has said that we should "make our future now, and make our
dreams tomorrow's reality", and I live my life by that. My future is based off
what I do now, so I live in such a way that my activities and attitude might
reflect what I want for the future.
Samantha, the first thing that I noticed about your essay is that your sentences are too long. You can't keep using commas to separate your sentences. You need to learn to use periods in order to separate your sentences. This will allow the admissions officer to absorb the information you are providing individually. Right now, it is quite difficult to read the essay because you only have pauses instead of endings for your sentences. You should also remember that grammar rules dictate that you cannot start sentences with "And" or "Because", this is one of the early errors of your paper that I will be pointing out below.
And so I did just that.
-
So I did...
I began throwing myself into academic decathlon
and quiz bowl because I craved to know more about everything, I sought more
intentional interactions in my relationships so I joined organizations like I
Am That Girl, I began realizing that acquainting myself "with the glaciers
and wild gardens brought me near the heart of the world" and escaped into
nature, and piece by piece my passions began falling into place. Now here I
stand (metaphorically), just shy of 18 years old, with an actual idea of what I
want to do in life; I want to go into environmental public policy, be a
lifelong scholar, and most importantly, I want to do good.
- Before you introduce this paragraph, you need to use a transition sentence to help prepare the reader for the change. You need to present the development of your academic interests and show the development of your participation in decathlons. You can't just hit us with the information. You need to ease the reader into it.I know it's hard to say that without bordering on
sounding like a hippie,
- Rephrase this. You do not know the background of the person reading your paper, so make sure you do not accidentally offend your reader. Being politically correct in written form is of the utmost importance because you never know how your statement will be taken or understood by the reader.The essay is really informative and answers the prompt. The problem with it is that it provides too much information that needs to be processed by a very busy admissions officer. That is why I am suggesting that you only choose the most important extra curricular activities that you feel will create the best impression of you with the officer. This will make the essay more interesting to read and will provide the best information in the quickest possible way.
