Hi, I am applying to UW Madison, and had to write two essays. This is the first of the two. Any feedback and/or suggestions would be amazing. Thank you!
Consider something in your life you think goes unnoticed and write about why it's important to you.
300-500 words
As a highschooler, getting your opinion across to your peers and the community can be challenging. Many great innovations, and ideas are often looked past simply because of a persons age. On the other side of the spectrum, you may have all of the support in the world, but no strength, or means of getting your ideas out, or across to other people. I find myself somewhere in the middle of this area. I have plenty of support within my school and community, however, I am not a "hammer" type of person, and will not push my point across to other people.
I consider myself an advocate for many things, but when people think of me, and what I stand for my strong beliefs may not come to mind. Take nuclear power for example. I am a strong proponent for nuclear power, and I believe that it will, and should, take over as the main source of power for the world. It is part of my goal to be a part of this change, and work towards improving our planet.
For me, the best way of getting my voice out is not by pushing ideas into people. I feel the best ways is to let my accomplishments speak for themselves.Words don't mean anything to people, but when you accomplish what you said you would, people start to listen, and when people listen and see that these things are possible, they start to shift their own opinions. Through UW Madison, I can get the foundation to accomplish these things, and change the perspective of many people, through my own actions.
I keep my clear goals of graduating from Madison, becoming a successful chemical or nuclear engineer, and having a loving family posted above my bed so they are the first thing that I see every day. These goals and plans keep me motivated, keep me passionate about accomplishing great things in my future. I will make a positive difference in my community, my country, and this earth, and I will follow my dreams. It all starts with an education from the best college. UW Madison. On, Wisconsin.
At first glance, this paper seems solid and well thought out. But there are still a few errors to be corrected and ideas that need to be developed. I will add further notes at the end :-)
often looked pas t
-
The proper term is overlooked.On the other side of the spectrum,youYou may have all of the support in the world, but no strength, or means of getting your ideas out, or across to other people
I am not a "hammer" type of person, and will not push my point across to other people.
-
Develop this idea. You need to present the reasons as to why you are not a hammer type of person. Also, for those who are not familiar with the term, you need to define this kind of personality as a fyi.I consider myself an advocate for many things, but when people think of me, and what I stand for , my strong beliefs may not come to mind.
the best way of getting my voice out is not by pushing ideas into people
-
Instead of pushing ideas into people, say forcing people to believe in my beliefs.the best ways
having a loving family posted above my bed
-
You cannot post your family above your bed. But you can post a family picture on the wall above your bed. So the correct way to say this is :" I will have a loving family picture posted on the wall above my bed..".the firstthing that I see every day.
- the first
people ...
You have presented a very good first draft for this statement. I advise you to continue further developing your statement in order to provide more information or insight into who you are as a person and why you feel nuclear energy is important to you as a topic.
