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"Computer: want to be a computer engineer" admissions essay


sploofy 1 / -  
Nov 4, 2010   #1
So I have to write an essay on why I want to be a computer engineer. Tell me what you think. :)
THANK YOU and here goes:

At an early age I was introduced to computers. My father taught me to play educational computer games, and my uncle instructed me with the basics of programming, I have gradually obtained a moderate understanding of computers. Unlike most, a moderate understanding is not enough for me.

My father introduced me to computers when we were young. First he introduced me educational games such as Smartworks, and The Cartoon Guide to Physics. That evolved to him showing us the simple dos and don'ts of properly using a computer. On the other hand, my uncle who is a systems engineer taught me not just basics but also about the hardware of computers. Whenever he was taking apart or looking inside the casing of a computer he would call me and show me. I learned how to recognize the motherboard, hard drive, and video card. All of these things led to me realizing one thing, computers fascinate me.

In fact, I would be surprised if the same were not true for everyone who has used a computer. After all, we are in the midst of a computer age. The billions of things that can be accomplished with computers are quite astounding. In today's age computers can process information faster than ever. Massive amounts of data are available to regular citizens through the World Wide Web. Many learning institutions use computers to show representations of real world scenarios to help children understand material. With the use of webcams people are able to complete assignments at home, or telecommute. Making presentations to their fellow collegues without going into a office. A majority of humans in the world have a device that can be used to communicate with anyone in the world. Computers also allow for complex mathematical equations that no human could solve in a lifetime. The power of computers today allows them to be used for any task that can be done over and over.

Even still, with all of these advancements, everyday someone finds a new use for computers in terms of helping society. New technological advancements are being made by the minute. At this point, anything is possible with the way technology is progressing. In a couple of years we could see things every "tech geek" dreams of. We might see "flying" cars being produced or completely interactive games where you will be able to completely control your character. And even more probable is the idea that we might eventually be able to visit other planets in our solar system. The sky is the limit as pertaining to technology and the direction it might take.

Currently I am unsure of what specialization of computer engineering that I would like to contribute to. However, I know that whatever I do, I want to contribute to society in a positive way.
ershad193 14 / 333 5  
Nov 4, 2010   #2
Your first paragraph is a very common and overused way of starting an admissions essay. Try to change it.
I'm not saying that you cannot say all those things about your childhood. However, you should include them in a way that is different from others. Read some other essays and you'll understand what I mean.

You can start with a short description of an experience from present and then connect it to one from your past. This is just an example.

Unlike most, a moderate understanding is not enough for me.

I don't like this sentence. It makes you seem a bit...bloated...you know what I mean??

The third paragraph is not good. Here you've put things which everyone knows. Are they really the reasons you want to pursue comp sc.? Do some research into the new and upcoming fields of computer science. You'll see that you will have more than enough material to talk about.
serendipity11 2 / 6  
Nov 5, 2010   #3
'Currently I am unsure of what specialization of computer engineering that I would like to contribute to. However, I know that whatever I do, I want to contribute to society in a positive way.'

I mena in this part you looks ambivalent.
'unsure' sounds you are not passionate about something.
I mean this part can be improved by saying that you are interested in so many part so you don't know what you'll specialize.
iishine 4 / 6  
Nov 5, 2010   #4
You use too many sentences to presentate the advancements of the computer, it is a well-known reality. Maybe you could introduce to us your interesting experiences of using the computer, as you have wrote a delicate shell to deal with someone's boring financial data , and so on.


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