Please let me know your thoughts!!!
For seventeen years, I have grown up in a community where you walk down the streets and everyone knows your name. Through the lens of my life, it seems like the perfect place for anyone. But I'm ready for the next stage. That's why I want to go to a place where the family-like feel and abundance of opportunities mirrors that of my hometown.
Through the years, Judaism has become an integral part of who I am. I attend synagogue and read Torah regularly, as well as lead services for the younger children. Although I feel comfortable where I am, I grew up questioning everything, and Judaism is no exception. I feel that The Ohio State University can provide me with that next step, providing me with Jewish history classes, captivating speakers, and an active Hillel and Chabad, which I visited whenever I stayed with my brother when he attended Ohio State.
Growing up, I had plentiful opportunities to be a leader in my community. I was elected as the Regional President of my Youth Group, where I help to provide a voice representing conservative Jewish teenagers. I have been an active leader in Friendship circle, a program where I work with children who are autistic. I believe that The Ohio State University can provide me with new places to speak out such as the Undergraduate Student Government. Although I've never participated in student government before, I find it interesting and an opportunity for me to exit my comfort zone.
The Ohio State University is the place for me to enter the new stage of my life; full of new experiences and opportunities. For me, The Ohio State University represents expansion: a place where I can fully develop.
That's why I want to go to a place where the family-like feel and abundance of opportunities mirrors that of my hometown.----hmmm... I'm not sure what you mean. You are ready for the next stage, and I think that means you want to enter into a new environment with more diversity, but you want to go to this school that has a certain quality that reminds you of your home town? Is that what you mean? Give another sentence in the first paragraph to explain this idea...
Through the years, Judaism has become an integral part of who I am. --- what has this got to do with the town? Give a thesis sentence at the end of that first paragraph, and make it a sentence that mentions Judaism and any other topics covered in the essay... or make it a sentence that expresses an idea that is related to both the town and Judaism.
:-)
