REVISED..once again lol.
Dream a Little Dream
My first kiss was terrible. It was so bad that afterwards I stuffed my face with chocolate and wallowed in self pity. However, looking back, I realize that maybe it was not the kiss that was so bad, but the fact that it was so utterly and overwhelmingly not what I had hoped it to be. I waited seventeen years for the perfect moment, with the perfect person, to have my perfect first kiss. What I got was a few bumps on the head, followed by an extremely awkward exchange of saliva.
I had to admit that it was somewhat my fault. By romanticizing the event so much, I set myself up for disappointment. I realized this had happened before. I am a dreamer, which unfortunately is a dangerous occupation. Like my first kiss, many instances in my life involve me setting up incredible notions about what I want to happen, only to be a little less than crushed when things do not work out. This was the case my junior year of high school.
That year, I qualified for the National Forensics League Tournament in Birmingham, Alabama. I immediately began to daydream about my future success as the national champion in dramatic interpretation. I read that Oprah Winfrey came in second in the nation in dramatic interpretation when she was in high school. Naturally, I imagined I would become national champion, or at least place in the top six, email Oprah my story, and then she would invite me on her show. During my guest appearance I would perform my piece and that performance would possibly launch a short acting career. So potent was my dream, that whenever my eight hour daily practice sessions became laborious, I simply imagined myself walking across that center stage to the Oprah theme song, smiled, and then continued working a new with fervor. I walked into that tournament inundated with hopes; thus, when I didn't make it past the first cut of the preliminary round, my disappointment was insurmountable.
It was at this moment that I began to question why I dream so big, why I set these outlandish goals only to be thwarted when reality does not quite meet my expectations. I thought maybe I could have braced myself, deciding to be satisfied if I just cleared once out the sixteen cuts. For that matter, in regards to my first kiss, I could have decided to be happy if any guy would simply bestow his favor upon me. Yet, my goals incited so much emotional investment in me that it seemed, at that point, impossible to recover. I considered the idea that maybe pessimism was a necessary evil.
However, that thought did not bring me any sort of comfort. The idea of setting my sights low so that I never missed mark was so utterly and absolutely not me. I love to daydream. It is what drives me and challenges me to do my best. I had to come to terms with the fact that even though I did not succeed in the manner in which I originally set out to, that did not erase all of the hard work I put into my performance. It truly could not erase all the things that I achieved because I saw myself doing them. That year I did not become national champion in dramatic interpretation, but my performance inspired various organizations to sponsor me to study molecular medicine and drama at the Cambridge Tradition. My 'outlandish' goals pushed me take first place in the district tournament and become the state champion in dramatic interpretation. Although I briefly considered that the bigger my dream, the harder I will fall, I now realize that the bigger my dream, the farther I will reach.
In a dream I can see potential, beyond what I am to what I know I can be. I guess that is why I love to dream. I may never win the Nobel Prize for the discovery of a cure for lupus (although I plan to), or star in an award winning film (although I hope to). I am aware that life will not always work out the way I plan, but I will still dream big, work relentlessly to fulfill my dreams, and appreciate the ones that do come true.