Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
The grand canyon wasn't carved over night, the river constantly ran through and created a work of art. The situation I was in was like this. There were constant battles between my parents. Words were used along with fists. Violence was often in the environment I was raised in. Both my parents have been in trouble with the law. I was often told that statics say I was more likely to drop out than a person with both parents and a stable home. my father is less wise and more aggressive but I didn't let that get in my way, my mother is a great person who tried her best.
My father is an abusive drug, and alcohol addict. He was in and out of jail for domestic violence. When I was living with him he often told me I was nothing without him, that I was going to grow up to be a prostitute and nothing else. He would often threaten to beat me, to prove he would hurt me if I had not done what he said he threw me outside during the winter in pajama pants with a tank top at 20 degrees Fahrenheit for two hours, there are many other incidences like this. While my father tried to hinder me my mother encouraged me to move forward.
My mother has done the best she can. She got us away from my abusive father but as a result we were plunged into complete poverty. We could barely afford to eat and we usually ate every 2- 4 days. For 4 years we lived from hotel room to hotel room, during which I was not in school. If she were to enroll us in school my father would have found out where we lived and took us away. My mother turned to drugs to help her financially and emotionally.
I missed many opportunities during that time, I was behind my peers when I entered high school. I went from 6th grade to 9th, sure I started out late but I didn't let that get to me. I studied, worked hard, came out with a GPA over 3.0, am taking college courses while in high school and earned the respect of my teachers as well as my peers. I beat the statics, I'm currently in the process of carving my grand canyon and it will come out beautifully.
In the beginning, I think you should start with " There were constant battles.." and end that paragraph with your first two sentences. Just a suggestion. Also I think you should talk more about yourself rather than your mom and you father. I understand that they had a big impact on you, but the common app is about YOU and im not getting enough of YOU in this essay. How did the situation you lived in make you feel? How did you stand up to it/ face it? Other than that it is a very powerful topic and with a little work it will be great!
This is really good. I especially liked the way you linked your hook with your concluding sentence. However i think you should further elaborated on your father's effect on you. You can just briefly mention how you felt about a certain situation or talk about how you stood or didnt stand up to your father before and why. But other than that, i think I think you tackled the main point of this essay really well.
