The boy's name was Santiago...
On the top most shelf of my bookcase, just between J.D. Salinger's The Catcher in the Rye and Jane Austin's Pride and Prejudice, lays the tattered remains of my first novel. The pages have turned yellow with time, the cover has faded to muddled orange and black patches but the story is still etched in my mind. It took a 177 page novel and a Spanish shepherd to teach me how to dream.
The Alchemist's plot has a sinusoidal relation with me. There are instances when the story seems like a fairy tale and there are moments when I think Paulo Coelho was indirectly writing just for me.
The story is about Santiago, an Andalusian shepherd boy who has a recurrent dream of a treasure buried near the Pyramids... From his home in Spain he journeys to the markets of Tangiers and into the Egyptian desert... He faces many adversities. From thieves to thirst-inducing deserts to unpredictable tribal wars...but is eventually paid for his grit and ordeal with the treasure...
Every word of the previous paragraph is diametrically opposite to my life yet this magical fable is all about me. My dreams are enormous and almost on the verge of being utopian. I am a self-proclaimed dreamer. Daydreams are my only companion during the occasional soporific lecture. My dreams vary from petty things like 'a perfect dinner (?)' to something as crucial as 'a perfect future (?)'.
Dreams were a part of me much before I traveled with Santiago to the Pyramids and dreams are still the nuts and bolts of my identity. The only thing that Santiago has changed is my definition of 'dream'. For me, my dreams were just a portal to an alternate world where everything was as perfect as I wanted them to be. Dreams for me were just ...dreams...fantastical and surreal!!
Santiago taught me how to dream. Weaving a dream is just the beginning. A dream is only complete when you actualize it. Dreams are not those that you see while asleep, dreams are what keep you from sleeping.
I was 12 year old when I met Santiago and my biggest dream then was of performing drama (?). My first theatrical performance started with me forgetting my line and ended with me running down the stage two minutes later. It is needless to say that dramatics was not exactly my cup of tea. Yet whenever I passed through my school's dramatics club, I would invariable end up dreaming of giving such a performance that I end up with an Oscar! (In my defense I did warn that my dreams were utopian) Realistically, I had succumbed to my stage fright and had involuntarily decided to ignore my dream.
Then Santiago came into the picture and reading about the adversities that Santiago had to face and his undeterred grit to realize his dreams forced me to put everything in perspective and then the glossophobia seemed slightly trivial to overcome.
I did eventually perform but I did not win an Oscar. I even ended up being a member of the school's Dramatics Club for four years and also helped in directing a school production.
In retrospect, my getting over the glossophobia not only catalyzed my dramatics but also eventually helped in my debating.
If it was not for Santiago I would never have gotten over my fears, I would never have joined the Dramatics Club and eventually would not have joined the Debating Club. In short if it wasn't for The Alchemist I would not have learnt how to dream...I would not have been 'me'...
...Because now he knew where his treasure was.
So how is it??? My first draft...and my first post ever...and a proper title...if you can come up with one!
Plus I feel a few glitches...where I have marked a (?)...
Is it very informal??? I just wanted it to be me!
1st. I loved that book.
4th paragraph, get rid of "things" and you can keep the allusions of your daydreams.
Is this about your dreams or The Alchemist? make this more clear from the beginning.
Instead of "performing drama" simply say acting!
If I hadn't read the book, I wouldn't know what you meant by your last sentence, "...Because now he knew where the treasure was."
Also, try to make it more clear HOW Santiago taught you to dream.
Don't fright through, it is your first draft, I had to write a thousand to find something I was only semi-happy with!
If it was not for Santiago I would never have gotten over my fears, I would never have joined the Dramatics Club and eventually would not have joined the Debating Club. In short if it wasn't for The Alchemist I would not have learnt how to dream...I would not have been 'me'...
Doesn't this seem to informal and abrupt???
Oh and the allusions are not in an overdose right???
would get rid of things!!
HOW??
Then Santiago came into the picture and reading about the adversities that Santiago had to face and his undeterred grit to realize his dreams forced me to put everything in perspective and then the glossophobia seemed slightly trivial to overcome.
I SHOULD EXPAND THIS???
Thanks for the help!!!
On the top most shelf of my bookcase, just between J.D. Salinger's The Catcher in the Rye and Jane Austin's Pride and Prejudice
I would change this sentence. The admissions are going to see it as showing off your literary prowess, in the same way that you see the kid in Starbucks holding up his copy of Atlas Shrugged just so everyone can see it. They can already tell you know your books since you're writing about The Alchemist.
...OK..But I liked the starting!!...Abel do you think I should tone the names down to something stupid like The Da Vinci Code...or Harry Potter...or Lord Of the Rings???????...would that amke any difference??
I think the names add more character and personality....
What say??
sorry if you were waiting on me to reply to your post, but anyway, first off let me say this is a plus that your highlighting your accomplishments in your essay, you are after advertising yourself to admissions officers whether you like it or not. This as a whole is unique, but your conclusion leaves me wanting more. How did this make you join extra clubs, that is significant, it is relating what your doing to something greater in your everday life, i dont know how much you can add, but try something. You talk about santiago and dreams in your introduction, and i agree w/ you that your starting point is interesting, but so much as it could be in comparison to as it is right now, you talk about how santiago and his idea of dreams changed you, but after reading this essay, im still confused on just how it happened. You seem to be leaving gaps in your development w/ regards to this. The first half of hte essay is just talk if you dont back it up w/ how santiago changed you and your idea of dreams keeping people awake is also a cliffhanger, again, thats a good idea, expand on it a little which you might have done w/ the next paragraph, but make it clearer if thats the case.
Simrath...I'll keep all those in mind while writing my second draft!!!
Thanks a lot for taking the time out!!!
Akshat, I just wanted to let you know that "Austen" is the correct spelling of the author's last name. :)
oh..how ignorant of me!! Thanks a ton Ernesto!!!
btw have you read the motorcycle diaries??? you namesake wrote it!!
No, I did not mean change the book names. I was thinking more like this:
On the top most shelf of my bookcase, just between J.D. Salinger's The Catcher in the Rye and Jane Austin's Pride and Prejudice, lays the tattered remains of the first novel I have ever read. The pages have turned yellow with time, the cover has faded to muddled orange and black patches, but the story is still etched in my mind. The book is The Alchemist, a novel about the a young Spanish shepherd's fulfillment of his dreams that also taught me how to fulfill mine.
Something like that. I don't know if it works for you accuracy wise, but I made it flow more naturally. Good luck, I'm writing my Common App essay using the same prompt!
On the top most shelf of my bookcase, just between J.D. Salinger's The Catcher in the Rye and Jane Austin's Pride and Prejudice, lay the tattered remains of my first novel.
I was twelve years old when I met Santiago, and my biggest dream then was I dreamed of performing drama. (?). My first theatrical performance started with me forgetting my line and ended with me running down the stage two minutes later (what do you mean when you say you went running down the stage?). It is needless to say that dramatics was not exactly my cup of tea. (this sentence is definitely not good. You can express this idea in any other way, but not this way. It is just a badly worded sentence, and the cup of tea cliche is very bad.)
Realistically, I had succumbed to my stage fright and had involuntarily decided to ignore my dream.----> maybe you should write something other than "involuntarily decided", because this sounds contradictory. You have a good way with words, so I'll leave it to you to be creative about an alternative...
:-)
Thanks everyone!! This is helping loads!!!
I have almost incotporated everything you all have critiqued on!!!
Thanks a lot!!
Please...is there anymore perspective????
Monkey66 I'd like you to comment!!!
omg my essay is about the Alchemist too! Not the main one, but the one of the supplements (Yale, Brown etc.) Where are you going to apply?
And I was wondering, is The Alchemist a widespread topic about essays? I mean would an adcom be like "oh another one of these..."?
poisonivy
Nah..I don't think Alchemist would be cliched!!! Btw I am applying to Yale...Brown...Princeton..Dartmouth...Dike...NU...UPenn...MIT...a lot of 'em!!
I hope you are not applying to them!!
I'm applying to Yale, Brown, Duke and some others...so we do have 3 universities in common!
