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Choose an issue of importance to you (making money and being successful?)


cory5579 1 / 1  
Jan 11, 2012   #1
Choose an issue of importance to you

Can someone please help me by editing my essay?

In today's fast paced society, many people feel that the most important thing in life is making money and being successful. While i cant sit here and tell you that i disagree and that being successful isn't important to me, i can tell you that i would never give up being able to come home to a wonderful family.
saurabh93 11 / 94  
Jan 11, 2012   #2
This seems okay, but I would suggest stronger justification for your beliefs.
--Please help me with USC! thanks!!
OP cory5579 1 / 1  
Jan 11, 2012   #3
Sorry, had an issue with my computer and it prematurely posted this. here is what i really meant to post!

Choose an issue of importance to you

Can someone please help me by editing my essay?

In today's fast paced society, many people feel that the two most important things in life are making money and being successful. While i cant sit here and tell you that i disagree and that being successful isn't important to me, i can tell you that i would never give up being able to come home to a wonderful family.

For me, seeing parents neglect their children in order to make money, even in today's tough economy, seems foolish. I cannot imagine waking up to an empty house, eating breakfast alone, and taking control my own life as a naive child. I have had the privilege of being raised in a good home and taught good morals, i understand that some are not as fortunate as i, and i am remorseful for them, yet if you were to ask them the one thing they wish they could have, i would imagine many would wish to be in a loving family.

Family values have been around since time began. It is human nature to want to be loved and to have someone to love. Without these values, the world would be unimaginably different. Perhaps Genghis Khan wouldn't have felt so different, in the assumption that he was unloved, that he would not have had the feeling to need to take the lives of many innocent people. Perhaps if Hitlers mother had actually wanted him as a child, then he wouldn't have had such spiteful thoughts towards the rest of the world.

I know that without my family I wouldn't have made it through many of the difficult times in my life. I will never forget the first day of kindergarten, my mom walked me into the school as any mother would, yet when she tried to leave i began to cry unstoppably. As a loving mother she stayed as long as she could, slowly trying to just sneak out. Eventually i got over being left alone, i made friends and i made it through. However if my mom had just ran out and left me to fend for myself, i would have just sat in a corner and cried, never to make friends and to fear anyone who tried to make me "feel better". With that being only one example I am everyday thankful for my wonderful family. After-all, who knows, without them i could have become just like Genghis or Hitler. Nobody can say for sure what could have truly happened, yet everyone will eventually arrive at the conclusion that the world would be a terrible place without family. That is why my family, and families in general, are of great importance to me.
xoamanda15 1 / 1  
Jan 11, 2012   #4
eating breakfast alone, and taking control of my own life as a naive child
-the part where you say taking control of my own life as a naive child doesn't fit into this sentence.

I have had the privilege of being raised in a good home and have been taught good morals. (This was a run-on sentence) I understand that some are not as fortunate as i am , and i am remorseful for them, yet if you were to ask them the one thing they wish they could have, i would imagine many would wish to be in a loving family.

Family values have been around since time began.
-Humans have always had family values.

when she tried to leave i began to cry unstoppably uncontrollably

However if my mom would have just ran out and left me to fend for myself,

good job.


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