There was no essay required in the applicaton, however I think it would be helpful to say something. Please revise. And thank you.
Personal Statement (optional)
Is there anything else you'd like to tell us about yourself that would be helpful as we review your application? If so, let us know. Please limit your response to 250 words or less.
As a child of immigrants from China, I will be part of the first generation in my family to go to college, as well as the first person in my family to ever go to college. My parents have worked really hard as a cook at a Japanese restaurant and a seamstress at a interior design shop to provide a good life for my sister and I. Although money was never an issue, I knew that it was my duty to undertake a rigorous educational experience and earn exceptional grades and to never take the blessings from my family and Gof for granted. I believe that I have begun my journey to success by taking AP courses and college preparatory courses and being active in band, National Honor Society, Interact club, community service and other various clubs within the school in which some of them holding officer positions. I also have a part-time job as a camp counselor and a waitress which requires you to be outgoing, enthusiastic, patient, and helpful. I hope that I will be blessed with the opportunity to continue my journey to success at the Jacksonville University studying Elementary Education.
Sorry, disregard the in "at the Jacksonville University studying Elementary Education."
Kind of typing a bit too fast. :]
Good evening.
A few thoughts. First, this sentence is redundant: "I will be part of the first generation in my family to go to college, as well as the first person in my family to ever go to college." Rewrite it to "I will be part of the first generation in my family to go to college" or " I will be the first person in my family to ever go to college." One or the other, but not both.
Second, who/what is Gof?
Make sure you are only capitalizing proper nouns and the first words of sentence, as such, "Interact" and "club" should both be capitalized, and "Elementary Education" shouldn't be.
In regards to the content, it is a good answer to the prompt. Sometimes it is difficult to get your point across with such a restrictive word count requirement.
Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
Oops. It was another typo. :[
And thank you very much! You were very helpful!
Have a good night.
