Well, I hope to turn in tomorrow!
This is only my second draft so desperately need some editing/advice here:
ps: is this title any good? what would be a better title?
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Prompt: Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study
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Chasing the Answers
I find it virtually impossible to limit myself to just one field- I am fascinated by everything from astronomy and psychology to romantic languages and cryptozoology. I aim to take as many classes as my schedule will allow and generally cram as much as possible into my college experience while still enjoying all of the social and rural aspects of Cornell. Over the years I have learned such a large volume of different information that I have nearly lost track of where the dividing lines and starting points between all my interests lie. And so, I attempt to backtrack.
Years ago, when my mom and I would embark on weekend-long camping trips, we would look up into the night sky and gaze at those small, distant twinkling lights and wonder what lurked in that endless darkness. In grade school teachers had taught us that there were stars and planets, but they dared not go further than that. Later galaxies entered the mix, as well as black holes, possibilities of different dimensions, wormholes, supernovas and vortexes- endless enticement to my curious self. One day in my sophomore year I asked my chemistry teacher what antimatter was. She told me that it was a "physicist's job to know such things" and that she couldn't answer my question. However, there were no physics courses offered at my school, so I turned to the internet. Throughout my intellectual development, the internet has been my main source of fuel. There isn't a single day where my browser isn't overloaded with dozens of tabs and windows from Wikipedia, Stumbleupon and Scientific American. I worship Steve Jobs.
Brains are nothing short of amazing. How can something that weighs seven pounds be able to control the entire body's mobility, store decades of memories, recall the most specific details and at the same time process incoming stimuli and make decisions? As a child, I was completely puzzled by the aspect of a brain- it stood on the same platform as trying to quantitate infinity. When I heard of the college psychology class being offered afterschool, I had to sign up. This class was my introduction into the basic rules and categories of mentalities. Just this summer, I worked on a project on neurons and Epilepsy at UCLA and furthered my understanding of the mystical organ. Studying neuroscience provided explanations of the biology of the brain, and psychology interpreted the cognitive aspects.
While my friends gossiped over how much they wanted to learn French and go shopping in Paris, I became interested in Latin. As someone who adores old literature, nothing seems as thrilling as a work in its original language. To be able to read what such inspiring and revolutionary figures like Aristotle, Virgil, and Horace wrote without the personal ticks and of alterations of translators would be a surreal pleasure. Unfortunately, my school does not offer Latin, and therefore it is at the top of my list of the courses that I am dying to take in the College of Arts and Sciences.
But the subject that has captivated me the most has always been biology. It all started with The Most Extreme- our family favorite on Animal Planet. My mom, grandma and I would watch the show almost every night, mesmerized by the amazing powers and uncanny abilities of the "Extreme" animals featured that night. Back then it was an anomaly for a frog to be able to freeze its bodily functions for 5 years or for the male seahorse to birth the eggs. These nights in front of the Television screen evolved into hour-long classroom lectures and then into extended sessions with AP textbooks. I loved knowing what forces acted upon my world and how they did so. Biology holds the key to the answers to almost every phenomenon in our world, and the College of Arts and Sciences will be my Keymaster.
I see no blatant grammatical or spelling errors. So good job on that.
Your essay jumps around from topic to topic, fitting, considering your initial claim. However, it seems to me more like a collection of paragraphs. You have transitions between paragraphs one and two, then later on between four and five. Maybe you could try making the transitions between the other paragraphs a bit smoother.
You might want to also have another paragraph tying together your essay, maybe expand more on something common to all of your interests?
I loved it when you used the phrase "mystical organ", that made me laugh. Whatever you do, don't take that out!
You also started your last paragraph with the word "but". Try "As much as these subjects/ideas fascinate me, the subject that has captivated me the most..."
Overall though, I like it. =)
Good Luck!
run-on sentence: we would look up into the night sky and gaze at those small, distant twinkling lights and wonder what lurked in that endless darkness.
they didnt dare to go further than that
with " The Most Extreme"
you should probably revise your essay to focus on only one thing, or maybe tie everything together somehow.
Good luck, you seem extremely intelligent:)
