'Character development and integrity' - Naval Academy application essay

Hi! so I am applying to the Naval Academy and I would really appreciate it if someone could help me with my essay for the application. I am struggling with having it flow smoothly. I have my ideas down, I just need help with the transitions and not have my essay all over the place. Thank you for anyone who can help me!!

In a well-organized essay 300-500 words please discuss the following:
1. Describe what led to your initial interest in the Naval service and how the Naval Academy will help you achieve your long-range goals, and
2. Describe a personal experience you have had which you feel has contributed to your own character development and integrity.

I was only six years old when I attended my first overnight Navy soccer camp. One thing I won't forget is seeing the incoming plebes marching in sync in their white uniforms all around the campus. I remember how fascinated I was just watching them perform their daily routine, and I remember thinking how cool it would be to be apart of something like that. Even thought I was so young, I had this spark of interest to learn more about the Naval Academy, specifically through my uncle Lieutenant Commander Paul Ostrowski ('93) and also my other uncle Colonel John Ostrowski ('89). They both told me stories of their days at the Naval Academy and how it rigorously challenged them academically, physically, and mentally.

As I got older, I started becoming more serious about the Naval Academy. I wasn't that little six year old anymore just fascinated by the plebe's uniforms and marching technics. I realized that I wanted to serve my country and the Naval Academy was where I wanted to do that. I want to be apart of something that is bigger than myself and I know the Naval Academy not only offers this but I know it will give me the necessary tools in order to accomplish my goals even beyond the Academy.

Character development and integrity are the faces of the Naval Academy; they represent a major part of what the Navy is all about. This leads me to explain a time when it took me three years to make a top soccer team, called Maryland ODP (Olympic Development Program). The first two years I tried out I made it all the way to the last tryouts where I was then cut every time. I was beyond disappointed because I didn't understand how I could have gave it my all and still got cut. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I started practicing and working out more to get myself ready for the next tryout. I used my failure to fuel my motivation and ambition in order to make the team. After all my hard work, I had finally made it on my third year. This experience taught me that failing isn't an excuse to give up but instead work harder to accomplish my goals. I always look back on this experience because it's a reminder how I had fallen but still work hard to get back up.

My experiences have challenged me in all different ways but they have made me the person I am today. This summer I was selected for an exceptional opportunity to attend the Naval Academy Summer Seminar. I absolutely loved the insight it gave me and it has made goal about the Naval Academy crystal clear. My goal is to go to the Naval Academy, one way or another, and I am willing to go to all extents to obtain this opportunity of a lifetime and my own personal dream.

I realized that I want to serve my country and the Naval Academy is where I want to do that.

I want to be apart of something that is bigger than myself and I know the Naval Academy will offer this, as well as supply me with the necessary tools in order to accomplish my goals even beyond the Academy.

Character development and integrity are the faces of the Naval Academy; they represent a major part of what the Navy is all about.This leads me to explain a time when it took me three years to make a top soccer team, called Maryland ODP (Olympic Development Program). [The transition from your first sentence to your second is a little choppy. Maybe start your second sentence with something like: "I've tried to live up to these characteristics by applying them to all aspects of my life. It once took me three years to...."]

This summer I was selected for an exceptional opportunity to attend the Naval Academy Summer Seminar. I absolutely loved the insight it gave me [What insight? What did you learn?]

My goal[You used "goal" in the previous sentence. Maybe replace it with "aim" or some other synonym.] is to go to the Naval Academy, one way or another, and I am willing to go to all extents to take advantage of this opportunity of a lifetime while fulfilling my own personal dream.

Hope this helped! Good luck (: