Please submit a one-page, single-spaced essay that explains why you have chosen Carnegie Mellon and your particular major(s), department(s) or program(s). This essay should include the reasons why you've chosen the major(s), any goals or relevant work plans and any other information you would like us to know. If you are applying to more than one college or program, please mention each college or program you are applying to. Because our admission committees review applicants by college and programs, your essay can impact our final decision. Please do not exceed one page for this essay
Having older brothers made me conscious of careful decision making at an extremely young age. At the sweet age of eight years-old, my oldest brother would hold up his fist to me and say, "You can take one punch now or two punches at any time I choose in the future." Needless to say, factor analysis became a strangely natural part of my life. For the college process, as with my early childhood threats, I found that to understand the full extent of every decision both the long and short term consequences must be carefully examined. After much consideration and pensive pondering, I have come to the conclusion that both for now and for the future Carnegie Mellon is the best school for me.
In terms of my four years at Carnegie Mellon, the reason I want to attend would be for the interdisciplinary linguistics major. After stumbling across Benjamin Warf's theory of linguistic relativity in AP Psychology, I have been completely captivated by the intangible yet overwhelmingly influential power that languages have over the human mentality. To me, this concept couldn't ever physically approach a condition I could call "boring". It is not just a plain-old vanilla subject. It is multifaceted. It is linguistics and cognitive science with a splash of sociology, a hint of psychology, a sprinkle of anthropology, and just a dash of philosophy. It is a study of the human condition. The depth of this subject absolutely blows my mind and I almost find it hard to conceive how any person could ever say that they studied this subject objectivity, because you absolutely can't! And yet the complexity and innate inconceivability of this subject only enraptures me more.
This major being at Carnegie Mellon only makes it more ideal, as CM is a major research institute. The Center for the Neural Basis of Cognition being a department of research I would particularly like to be involved in.
Carnegie Mellon also has the facilities to fully allow me to explore any subject I choose. College is my chance to allow my young interested mind to run off in any of a thousand different directions. Yes, I want to study linguistics but at Carnegie Mellon I have opportunities to take top-rated classes in nearly every subject. Perhaps I want to dabble in graphic design or economics or business, computer science, prose, painting or music. At Carnegie Mellon, I can.
But the present aside, an education at Carnegie Mellon will continue to reverberate its positive influence throughout my life. A degree from Carnegie Mellon means something. Although, it is important to note that its intrinsic value stems from the quality of the education I've received and not just because it is a fancy name that looks nice on a diploma. While at Carnegie Mellon I would, thanks to the proximity to Pittsburg, have the opportunity to get an internship and begin building up my resume while at the same time giving me actual working experience which I've pays off in this thing my parents seem to call the "real world."
I also find the close-knit alumni network extremely reassuring. After many years, their experiences at Carnegie Mellon bring them back. I love that alumni are involved with the university and, granted I become one, as a Carnegie Mellon alum I would surely remain involved.
Carnegie Mellon is a school that suits me. It understands my convergent system of thinking. It is in the right location. It is the right size. It has the right facilities. It is a school that will benefit me now as I expand my mind through my college years but it is also a school that will continue to benefit me for the rest of my life. The quality education I'll receive and the real life work experience I will gain will stay with me after I graduate. It is a school that offers me the wonderful chance I seemingly lacked in my childhood, the chance to receive neither one punch now, nor two punches later
Any feedback? Good? Bad? Too specific? Not specific enough? Was there any part that stood out to you?
also grammar nazis feel free tear it apart.
its a good essay
clearly shows you have researched your college in depth
the opening has been used as a great parallel
But the present aside, an education at Carnegie Mellon will continue to reverberate its positive influence throughout my life. A degree from Carnegie Mellon means something.
i'm not sure about the above part. espesially the means something.
i can't exactly lay my finger on the prob
try reconsidering
This is a really good essay. It is specific to the school and pretty much screams that you really want to go there!
I also greatly enjoyed the first paragraph.
Just a few corrections:
The Center for the Neural Basis of Cognition being a department of research I would particularly like to be involved in.
This sentence does not exactly make sense. Unless you connect it to the previous sentence with
"with" or say "The Center for the Neural Basis of Cognition
is particularly a department of research I would
particularly like to be involved in."
giving me actual working experience which I've
learnt? pays off in this thing my parents seem to call the "real world."
:)
