Prompt: Address reasons for transferring and objectives in 250 words or more
Here is mine:
In retrospect, the freshman admission process for me was a difficult and arduous process. In May of my senior year I chose University of California, Merced to be the place where I would spend my first semesters of my undergraduate career. I chose UC Merced with all intentions of transferring to another university. I chose UC Merced because of its closeness to home, the small class sizes, and the ability to get used to college life. While I do believe that UC Merced is a good undergraduate institution, it is simply not where I desire to graduate from.
My goal is to graduate from a undergraduate institution, which is rich in academics, history, and prestige. I desire to transfer so that I can obtain a more fulfilling education. When I transfer, I intend to make as many social connections as possible with my fellow alumni. I plan to maintain a high college grade point average and become as educated as possible in the fields of Psychology and Political Science. I also plan participate in various research opportunities in Psychology and Political Science with my future professors.
I realize that Psychology tends to be a major that is impacted with numerous applicants, however the study of the human mind and human behavior is my ultimate passion. I intend to minor in political science. I aspire to score high on the LSAT, attend a top-ranked law school, and study business law. After I have started my career as a corporate attorney, I will give back to the school which taught me how to be successful in life.
My foremost aspiration is to inspire young women who wish to have careers in Psychology or Law. I plan to one day have a weekly after-school program in an intercity high school where I can mentor young intelligent girls to pursue careers in the fields of Psychology or Law.
The freshman admission process was a difficult and arduous process (you say 'process' twice) . In May of my senior year I chose University of California, Merced to be the place where I would spend my first semesters of my undergraduate career. I chose UC Merced with all intentions of transferring to another university. I chose UC Merced because of its proximity to home, the small class sizes, and the ability to get used to college life (what does "the ability...life" mean???) . While I do believe that UC Merced is a good (don't say 'good') undergraduate institution, it is simply not where I desire to graduate from. (you say 'I chose' 3 times)
My goal is to graduate from a undergraduate institution rich in academics, history, and prestige. I desire to transfer so that I can obtain a more fulfilling education. When I transfer, I intend to make as many social connections as possible with my fellow alumni. I plan to maintain a high college grade point average and become as educated as possible in the fields of Psychology and Political Science. I also plan participate in various research opportunities in Psychology and Political Science with my future professors.
I realize that Psychology tends to be a major that is impacted with numerous applicants, however the study of the human mind and human behavior is my ultimate passion. I intend to minor in political science. I aspire to score high on the LSAT, attend a top-ranked law school, and study business law. After I have started my career as a corporate attorney, I will give back to the school which taught me how to be successful in life.
My foremost aspiration is to inspire young women who wish to have careers in Psychology or Law. I plan to one day have a weekly after-school program in an inter- city high school where I can mentor young intelligent girls to pursue careers in the fields of Psychology or Law. (one does not "mentor to pursue")
Overall, pretty good!
I chose UC Merced with all intentions of ...
I chose UC Merced because of its closeness to home, the small class sizes, and the ability to get used to college life. While I do believe that UC Merced is a good undergraduate institution, it is simply not where I desire to graduate from. ---------Too uneventful, too vague... and ending a sentence with a preposition (from) is kind of clumsy.
Rewrite that intro and focus on what you DO want instead of what you don't want. Focus on what this new school has that the other does not. You do not have to justify not wanting the current school; just focus on your detailed plan and your commitment to psych and pol. sci.
:-)
