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'came from a poor background' - UConn application essay


unwana11 4 / 13  
Jan 8, 2012   #1
Prompt:
Describe a person or event that has had a profound effect upon your life.

MY ESSAY

"Unwana, I am not always going to be here for you, so you need to learn to do what you have to do, when you have to do it, and make it the best it can be." My mom spoke these words to me one afternoon while I was going to colleges I would love to apply to.

My mom is a person that has had a profound effect on my life, and also the most profound effect on my life. She is a woman that I admire a lot; she has the qualities of a mother, a sister, and also a best friend. She has had many effects on me, both directly and indirectly. She has a determined spirit; she wants to prove to people that she can do what they say she cannot do. She pushes me to do the same, she always says, "Do not limit yourself." and I try not to do so.

My mom came from a poor background, her father died when she was 8, and her mother was a teacher. She basically grew up on her own, because her mom was not always around, and she had to take care of her younger siblings. She always tells me this story of her life because, she wants me to appreciate what I have now, and she is very successful at that. I am not proud of what I have now, instead I look to what I can do for others, and I know I will be able to do a lot good for others if I am successful in the future. This is my main goal, and this is what motivates me to put effort into my schoolwork so I can achieve that goal.

My mother is the key to all my successes in life, and also all my aspirations. She is a type of driving force that I have, I try to do everything possible not to disappoint her, and I know any thing I do with an aim of not disappointing her, turns out to be beneficial to me. She once told me that she wants me to have the best education I can get, and she would do anything to get me it, even if she had to sell some of her property, she would do that. With a mother like that behind you, you have no choice but to give your best, and my best is what I plan on achieving.
emrebond007 4 / 7  
Jan 8, 2012   #2
if you allow me,i would make few changes:
-My mom came from a poor background.(my mother COMES from a poor FAMILY(if you mean family instead of background))
-With a mother like that behind you, you have no choice ...(with a mother like HER or like MINE behind you,you have no choice...)

beside that,i think the essay is perfect.
OP unwana11 4 / 13  
Jan 8, 2012   #3
I looked at my second paragraph and i couldn't exactly make many changes, could you give me examples of changes that could be made. Thank You

@emrebond007
Thanks for your help.


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