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What is the best piece of advice you've ever been given, and why?


linhexi 9 / 28  
Dec 26, 2009   #1
I had always been looking for a perfect ending which my efforts may deserve. I cheer for the debating championship, basketball game prize, and immerse in the world pictured by curving and painting, while depressed by my unsatisfying outcomes and rush harder to my goals. It has been tired. It's not like" life is full of possibilities and you got to chase your limitless dream", but an infinite hole arisen from my voracious heart.

This kind of thought accompanied me during my application process. I poured my worries to my closest friend. What if I failed? "Fail? What's the big deal?" She said, "You know what? I don't really care whether I ended up going Tufts University or any other colleges; I won't change my faith of growing to be what kind of person. So will you. You had been staring on the outward results. Why not seeing what's inward?"

Her words kept lingering in my mind, made me think the "real" intention of all things I had done. Her words recalled me to my unstable childhood environment, in which I changed three kindergartens and five primary schools. Whether in the school which had a tiny gritted playground, or in the best one in neighborhood with fresh equipments, I was diligent, with childish determination being the best one. However, it was always on my half way or on a slight distance reaching my goal that I got transferred, from old neighborhood to the city centre, then to the overseas. I never saw my results.

I accepted all the changes. I grabbed my camera photographing clouds during the hottest August in a suburb in Japan, rode my pink bike, and looked up to the sky all day long. I longed for the permanence that would allow me to see my developed pictures. "See what's inward." Memories occasionally pop, from which I found inconsistent environments actually trained me to be flexible, led me adjust to alterations soon and concentrate on what I care about immediately. I found what kind of person I have grown to be. I care about communities I live, taking care of olds and voluntarily weeding the park. I have passion in oil painting, working several months on my created piece, and send them to my friends on their birthdays. I inhibit myself without much parent's supervision and manage my own time since first grade. I never saw the outcome of a long period, yet the result itself already came and implanted deep in my soul.

My friend's advice altered my attitude towards both my past and future. It did remind my true intention to apply for universities in U.S: to pursue liberal arts education that allows me developing comprehensively. "See what's inward." Sayings never lack, while I seldom relate them such tightly with me as I do now, when I recognize that how I continue my journey actually matters more than, where I go and where I stay.

Thanks for any ideas!!
Alibaba 1 / 5  
Dec 26, 2009   #2
there are some distracting grammar errors and your conclusion is kinda awkwardly-worded? i think your sentences should be more direct.

I really think that the advice is good and I like your response but the grammar issues are distracting and interrupt the flow of the essay.

Years before high school reserved in veiled memories now all popped out from my mind. I was weirdlysurprisingly calm when I first arrived in Japan not knowing a Japanese word. I accepted all the changes just like I always had. I grabbed my camera photographing clouds during the hottest August, ro de my pink bike, and looked up to the sky all day long. In the inner heart, I longed for the permanence, long enough allowing me to see my pictures developed. How about I longed for the permanence that would allow me to see my developed pictures.
khoshhal 1 / 5  
Dec 26, 2009   #3
During the beginning of my college application, I was anxious (About). Given my circumstance, (I) strived hard for my family's support, and got the only one chance to take SAT. I was worried and depressed that my failure would lead to a disappointing result. The deadlines were getting close, I was stressing out and constantly thinking, "what if I failed".

sorry I will come back again latter on it. Your second paragraph is horrible, no offense. Try to spend some time on it and I will be glad to take a look upon my return.
OP linhexi 9 / 28  
Dec 26, 2009   #4
Thank you for your advice!

I have troble writing the first two paragraphs.. Can anyone give me advice on how to organize them?
OP linhexi 9 / 28  
Dec 27, 2009   #5
Sorry for my tough English...

Thank you so much for all your critiques!! I'll revise it soon!

How's the topic? I'm not sure whether I explained it rightly..

Again, really thank you!!
owls 8 / 33  
Dec 27, 2009   #6
The topic is really, really good. You did explain it well. I think your friend's advice may be a little hard to understand at first, though. "See what's inward" doesn't really click for me. It seems like she's saying something more like... "Don't worry about your environment too much. Just focus on what's inside yourself." I'm not really sure how to word that. =/
OP linhexi 9 / 28  
Dec 27, 2009   #7
I will work on the expression of advice part..

I still got to say, thank you for your help!! I'll revise it then.. improve my English -_____________-.
owls 8 / 33  
Dec 27, 2009   #8
Post it again once it's revised. :) I'll help make sure that all of the English makes sense!


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