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Barnard; Why applying and Conversation With famous Women?


answers: 4
Hi,

So first thanks so much for looking at this I truly appreciate your help. I think that the first one needs to be shorter and I need suggestions on how to synthesize it and should I provide more detail about Barnard or are my reasons adequate. The second one my mother says it has too many cliches and I also need to whether I should work more information about myself into it or if I should work more information about the women in history into it. Again thank you so much for your help.

[b]How did you first learn about Barnard College and what factors have influenced your decision to apply? Why do you think the College would be a good match for you?[

Several members of my family have attended or taught at women’s colleges. My maternal grandmother taught biology at Spelman College. My mother and her three sisters are Smith College Alumnae, and my sister is currently a sophomore at Wellesley College. Therefore, I have come of age in a family that exposed me to women’s college including Barnard and also educated me on the benefits of attending them. My mother and her sisters are accomplished, compassionate, and witty women. Since becoming a Wellesley woman, my sister has become much more confident and self aware. Barnard would be great for me because it would give me an opportunity to flourish in an empowering environment that women’s colleges offer their students, while still allowing me to chart my own course. In addition, at Barnard, I would expect not only to gain lasting friendships and confidence but also opportunities and experiences that are only possible in New York City.

B. Pick one woman in history or fiction to converse with for an hour and explain your choice. What would you talk about?

Juliette Gordon Low or J Glow as I like to call her, is the founder Girl Scouts in the United States and she is my hero. I have been a Girl Scouts since I was four and attended hundreds of meetings which helped form the women I am today. I would begin by very happily tell J Glow of all the wonderful things Girl Scouts have done since she founded them 101 years ago. Then I would thank J Glow for you giving me and so many other women an organization that taught us to make our own definition of beauty, reminded us that we have to duty to serve others, and most importantly showed us that the bonds of sisterhood are unbreakable.

Dec 30, 2012, 04:09pm   #
"Therefore, I have come of age in a family that NOT ONLY HAS exposed me to women’s college including Barnard, BUT HAS also educated me on the benefits of attending them."

"Barnard IS THE IDEAL COLLEGE for me because it CAN give me THE opportunity to flourish in an empowering environment (that women’s colleges offer their students) I DONT KNOW WHETHER YOU NEED THAT, while still allowing me to chart my own course."

"In addition, at Barnard, I WILL not only BE ABLE to gain lasting friendships and confidence, but also UNFORGETTABLE opportunities and experiences that are only possible in New York City."

Hope that was helpful. I don't know why but I don't like using "would" in these college essays. I try to avoid. Also sorry my computer wouldn't allow me to use the colors and bold letters.
CMB19932015:
Several members of my family have attended or taught at women’s colleges. My maternal grandmother taught biology at Spelman College. My mother and her three sisters are Smith College Alumnae, and my sister is currently a sophomore at Wellesley College. ( Not really nessesary information.) Therefore, I have come of age in a family that exposed me to women’s college including Barnard and also educated me on the benefits of attending them. My mother and her sisters are accomplished, compassionate, and witty women. Since becoming a Wellesley woman, my sister has become much more confident and self aware. Barnard would be great for me because it would give me an opportunity to flourish in an empowering environment that women’s colleges offer their students, while still allowing me to chart my own course. In addition, at Barnard, I would expect not only to gain lasting friendships and confidence but also opportunities and experiences that are only possible in New York City.


I would suggest less of a focus on your families connection with women's colleges and focus more on specifically why Barnard is a fit for you. Yes, your sister really flourished at Wellesley. but that's not Barnard. What besides the fact that Barnard is a women's college appeals to you, or fits what you want for a college experience. There are plenty of other women's colleges, but why Barnard ? My college counselor really stressed to be very specific in these " Why X college essays " . I could easily replace Barnard with Wellesley and New York City with Boston, and the essay would make perfect sense. Admissions counselors have told me at information sessions, that they will read these "Why essays" and if they can replace their college with another, they assume it was a copy-paste essay and do not think very highly of it.


Juliette Gordon Low or J Glow as I like to call her, is the founder Girl Scouts in the United States and she is my hero. I have been a Girl Scouts Girl Scout[/font ]since I was four and attended hundreds of meetings[font#FF0000]. The experience has helped form the women I am today. I would begin by very happily tell telling J Glow of all the wonderful things Girl Scouts have done since she founded them 101 years ago. Then I would thank J Glow for you giving me and so many other women an organization that taught us to make our own definition of beauty, reminded us that we have to duty to serve others, and most importantly, showed us that the bonds of sisterhood are unbreakable.

This is a good essay, but not very memorable. It's kind of cookie- cutter. Try to add more of your personality into this essay and try to make it more unique. I like the tidbit of calling her J Glow, that makes the essay more unique and personal. Maybe you will have this conversation over a box of thin mints. Have fun with it!
CMB19932015:
Several members of my family have attended or taught at women’s colleges. My maternal grandmother taught biology at Spelman College. My mother and her three sisters are Smith College Alumnae, and my sister is currently a sophomore at Wellesley College. Therefore, I have come of age in a family that exposed me to women’s college colleges including Barnard and also educated me on the benefits of attending them (their unique benefits). My mother and her sisters are accomplished, compassionate, and witty women. Since becoming a Wellesley woman, my sister has become much more confident and self aware. (Smith College allowed my relatives to become accomplished compassionate and witty women, while Wellesley has helped my sister become more confident and self aware) Barnard would be great for me because it would give me an opportunity to flourish in an empowering environment that women’s colleges offer their students, while still allowing me to chart my own course. In addition, at Barnard, I would expect not only to gain lasting friendships and confidence but also opportunities and experiences that are only possible in New York City


Thank You for posting on my thread. Green marks are grammar problems, red marks are words you can delete to shoten it while blue are simply ideas to make it flow better.



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