The best day of my life (so far) was... Please tell a story that allows us to experience your best day.
Having lived just 30 minutes away from the airport and seeing all the planes fly over, I always I asked my mom when I would get the chance to go inside of one. Every time an airplane flew by, the uproarious sounds of an airplane made me rush over to balcony to get a quick glimpse of the 397,000kg beauty. I entered the airport on May 26th, 2006 as a buoyant 8 year old. The feeling of stepping inside an airport was one I could not fathom; the thousands of people rushing in different, some excited and some depressed about leaving their loved ones. I was one of the few who was both. I was excited that I was going to be going on my first airplane ride and as a result, I would be meeting my dad after 9 months. I was forlorn that I was leaving my grandparents back at my real home in India. I was way too elated to notice the extremely uncomfortable blue chairs of the airplane that my mom kept on complaining about. It did not matter because I was just 16 hours away from meeting my dad. It did not matter because I was about to experience the engine roaring of the British Airlines Boeing 747. It did not matter because I was getting to enjoy the free amenities of an airplane, the pillows, the food, the blankets, etc. I did not care at all that I could not sleep because my ears kept on popping every few minutes. All the supposed negativities of an airplane did not matter to me. As I flew over my house, I realized that the thing I dreamed about every single day had finally come true.
This essay is currently 284 words and Virginia Tech's limit is 250 words. If you could help me cut down, that would be wonderful. If I could also get an opinion on whether this is a good topic or not. Last thing, is there any way I can improve the flow of the essay better and should I add more detail?
Thank you!
Jagrit, this is a very interesting story but has become superficial in content because of the concentration on your desire to enter and ride an airplane. That should merely be the starting point of your essay, not your main theme. The reason that I say this is because there is a stronger story that needs to be developed which is the fact that you were an 8 year old who had not seen his father in 9 months and now, you were getting onto a plane to meet him again, this time as an immigrant, leaving behind all that was familiar to you in India. Tone done the details about the plane and instead, play up the sad actors of leaving India while building up the details of the best day of your ride, the fact that the plane took you to meet your father. Then detail the reunion that you had. Can this be done in 250 words? You will probably have a hard time doing it, but if you can revise the essay with the information needed to bring the word count down, we can help you meet the word count without a problem :-)
I like your essay, but I feel as if this particular story adds nothing to your application except that you like planes. Perhaps you could share a story in which you learned a greater life lesson or something profound about yourself, which would help you stand out to the admissions officer. Good luck!
