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Applying to college after a 10 year absence; Non-traditional Student


SFLady77 2 / 3  
Sep 4, 2009   #1
I'm a 32 y/o female and about to apply to college after a 10 year absence. Any suggestions and tips would be helpful. I hope the intro and conclusion are a bit stronger than my last post. I know I still have more revisions to make but always welcome constructive criticism. =)

After three hours in surgery to remove a squamous cell carinoma from his nasolabial fold area, the patient was finally ready to go home. I sat down with him to carefully explain the post-operative care instructions needed to help with his recovery period. He was an elderly man in his late eighties, frail and slim but still mentally sharp than any man half his age. I have gotten to know this patient over the years. He was one of the first patients I worked with when I first started my job seven years ago. He grinned, politely taking in hand the instructions to look over once again at home. As he was leaving the office, he turned to me and asked, "Will you be here next week for my follow up appointment, Nurse Tran? You've been so kind and helpful." I gave a timid smile and replied, "Yes. I will be here." He grinned and nodded, "Good, good." There was one thing that troubled me with his request though, a request I hear many times from patients. The fact was I wasn't a nurse. I didn't even finish college.

Choosing the career of my future was one of the toughest decisions I had to make. During my early years in college, when many of my peers were already pursuing their goals and dreams, I was dedicated to missing as many classes as possible. I didn't have the maturity needed to focus on school. I just wanted to work. I had taken classes part-time over a four-year-period not truly engaged in academia. I didn't want to spend time in a classroom, when I didn't even know what I wanted to do in life and my grades reflected that. So I left home and school to work odd jobs. Over the years, I've worked as an administrative assistant for a non-profit agency, as an assistant to an accountant compiling tax forms and receipts, I've worked in the marketing field, and even did sales for a furniture store for quite some time. It wasn't until I found a job as a receptionist at a doctor's office when things started to change for me. This was my first true exposure to the medical field. I had done volunteer work before in a hospital but this was my first time interacting with patients and healthcare professionals. After six months of working the front desk, my boss, who is a physician, asked if I wanted to learn how to take out stitches. With no previous medical training before, I was eager to learn a new skill. Soon, I was working directly with patients learning to apply pressure bandages, interpreting lab and pathology reports, removing stitches and assisting in minor surgeries.

The physicians in the practice granted me many more opportunities for hands-on care than I could have found in a public setting. Every day there was always something new to learn. On one memorable day, I assisted in a surgery removing a deep skin cancer from the mandible area. Far from feeling repulsion, I was fascinated by the sight of the internal parts. I realized that I was viewing a physiological structure that enabled movement, and found the experience to be breathtaking. It was also the first time in a long time, where I felt I was making a difference in people's lives. After six valuable years on the job, I knew I wanted to pursue a career in nursing. So at the age of twenty nine, I enrolled in college again.

Attending college at this point in my life has not been easy. Working full time while attending school part time after being absent for ten years has been an adjustment. However, I am not the young girl who had no idea what to do in life. I am now more focused and determined than I ever was ten years ago. Becoming a nurse is the first goal I have set in my life and it was not decided on lightly. I am mentally prepared and persistent enough to excel at any endeavor, and have developed the compassion and commitment to nursing that will drive me through the years to come. I am ready to fully devote my time and freedoms to achieve this goal not just for myself, but also to those who have been supportive and believed in my through my journey. I believe that all of my life experiences have been necessary to bring me to this point. So the next time a patient turns to me and asks, "Will you be here for my follow up appointment, Nurse Tran?" I can confidently smile back and proudly say, "Yes. I will be there!"
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Sep 4, 2009   #2
Good essay. Normally I advise people not to dwell on the negative aspects of their prior education, but it has been so long since you attended school now that the low grades don't seem particularly important compared to your life experience. Your conclusion seems a bit rough, compared to the rest of the essay, though:

Becoming a nurse is the first goal I have set in my life and it was not decided on lightly

Really? You haven't set any other goals for yourself in 32 years? I doubt this is true. Even if it is, you don't want to say so here.

I am ready to fully devote my time and freedoms to achieve this goal not just for myself,

"freedoms" is the wrong word here.

So the next time a patient turns to me and asks, "Will you be here for my follow up appointment, Nurse Tran?" I can confidently smile back and proudly say, "Yes. I will be there!"

I see what you are trying to do here, but it doesn't work for me. After all, you said the same thing earlier on. Admittedly, you weren't as confident, but your being there (the question you are being asked) is not actually in doubt, near as I can tell. Then again. I'm a bit tired at the moment, so my judgment may be a bit off on this point.
Notoman 20 / 419  
Sep 4, 2009   #3
Much stronger now! The revisions have really tightened it up.
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Sep 4, 2009   #4
I'm in agreement with Sean. The essay as a whole is strong, but the conclusion is weak. The ending just doesn't have the power you want. Is there some other image of your future as a nurse that you could use instead?
catalyst0435 3 / 31  
Sep 4, 2009   #5
Firstly, this essay as a whole is really inspiring, and like Simone and Sean said, it's strong and pointed.

As for the conclusion, the problem as Sean pointed out is that you've already said that feel-good line, "Yes I will be there" in the second paragraph.

I suggest removing

"I gave a timid smile and replied, "Yes. I will be here." He grinned and nodded, "Good, good."

from the end of the second paragraph.
That way that paragraph ends on a slightly sad note, with just your mentioning of how it troubled you that you were not really a nurse yet.

Then in your conclusion, you can whip-out that line full-force! After the heartfelt journey you outlined to the reader, at the very end you could take him or her back to that moment with your patient.

The elderly man had asked me, "Will you be here for my follow up appointment, Nurse Tran?" I smiled confidently and told him, "Yes. I will be there."


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