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Appeal for admission to SMU as a polytechnic student


hellstrider 2 / 2  
May 5, 2010   #1
To Whom It May Concern:

I wish to thank you for taking the time to assess my preparedness for success at your fine institution. I recently applied for admission to SMU as a polytechnic student. My intended major is Accounting. Sadly, I received a notification declining my admission to the school.

Professor Pang Yang Hoong said "The accountants of the future need to know much more than accounting; they can no longer be content to be mere providers of financial providers, important as it may be." Her words struck a chord with me, i feel that this is especially true in modern day.I wish to seek higher learning at SMU because I want to take advantage of my potential to have an enriching education, enhance my awareness and leadership of the world and community, challenge myself to the vast opportunities that SMU offer and receive the opportunity to be under the guidance of the many knowledgeable and inspirational professors that SMU houses.

My secondary school life started off with poor grades and procrastination, and i have learned from my mistakes. I was overwhelmed by the workload and i did not had the courage to clarify with my teachers, this gradually took toll on my grades. It was during a parent-student conference that changed the attitude in me, seeing my mom's disappointed face, i truly felt regretful for the first time in my life. I told myself that if i do not speak up now, then it will be even harder for me to do so later on in life.The most important thing I have learned is to ask for help when I need it. These small steps that i took certainly helped me improve my grades tremendously and also led me to become a more confident person.

My work related experience started in the year 2007 when I had a chance to work in my father's renovation company called Unique Home Design as a holiday job. It is moderate in size with a substantial number of clients that could keep all employees in on their toes. During my employment, I was given numbers a number of responsibilities such as calculating the employee's payroll, profit/cost of each house. It was very interesting and occasionally, some minor negotiations were involved. I had worked there every holiday as well as in my free time until now. It was also through this experience that I began to see where my passion lies.

I listed down my goals in 2008 and decided that it would be in my best interest to pursue a higher education for accounting 2 years later, when I would be more financially independent and mature as an adult.I worked with PD Design Studios for these 2 years, and it certainly have not been a waste. The myriad of challenges at work has certainly improved my soft skills and allow me to contribute to SMU in a different perspective. I have also included testimonial from my current employer , PD Design Studios.

Nelson Mandela said "Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world. "

I have a very keen interest in experiencing life at this university. The charismatic professors and vibrant student life will certainly enrich my life. That is why I want to continue to work hard and attend your university. I would like nothing better than to seize the opportunity to contribute positively towards campus life in various ways, and take advantage of the wealth that a SMU education has to offer.

Thank you very much for your time. I look forward to your judgment on my application.

Thank you very much for your time. I look forward to your judgment on my application.

Thanks alot, please help me regarding my appeal essay. I hope i get in
*cross fingers*
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
May 6, 2010   #2
First, I wish to thank you for taking the time to reexamine your decision.

This sounds confrontational. It is better to say:
I wish to thank you for taking the time to assess my preparedness for success at your fine institution.

...was also through this experience that I began to see where my passion lies.

...years later, when I would be more financially independent and mature as an adult.
OP hellstrider 2 / 2  
May 7, 2010   #3
Thanks Kevin,appreciate the help ,any more things should I take note of ?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
May 8, 2010   #4
Inspiration.

As you look at the essay again an again each day, take note of any words or ideas that can really make the reader have a memorable experience -- so that your words can enable the reader to share in your moment of inspiration.

If you truly "have a very keen interest in experiencing life at this university," then you must have some distinct images in your mind that show what you will do to make your studies meaningful and effective. If you listen to the voice of the mind, you might come up with some inspirational phrases that are just as profound as anything spoken by Ghandi or Lincoln or Nelson Mandela or Thich Nhat Hanh.

:-)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
May 12, 2010   #5
I wish to thank you for taking the time to...
hmmm... actually, I was going to suggest cutting out those words, but I think you should leave them in:
I wish to thank you for taking the time to...
That is a nice beginning.

Check for little things like capitalization:
and I have learned from my mistakes. I was overwhelmed by the workload and I did ...

Also, it is usually best to get rid of the word "very"
I have a very keen interest in experiencing ...

:-)


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