Hello. I'll help with your word choice and style.It's a question every child is asked a countless amount of times.
You don't need "a" or "amount of." Let me show you:It's a question every child is asked
a countless
amount of times.
Although young, I couldn't help but feel the approaching life-changing decision I would have to make when college came around.
You need another descriptive word for the "life-changing decision." Try not to end sentences with prepositions if you can avoid it ("around"). Here are my suggestions:Although young, I couldn't help but feel the
weight of the approaching life-changing decision I would have to make when
it came time for college
came around .
It wasn't until I stopped the search and simply took a look right in front of me, at my personal doctors, otherwise known as my parents.
The second half of this sentence is wordy but incomplete. Let me suggest a way to improve its style:It wasn't until I stopped the search and simply
took a look right in front of me, at my personal doctors, otherwise known aslooked at my parents
, both doctors, that I arrived at my decision .
Growing up with both my mom and my dad as doctors have made me a different type of student than most of my classmates.
You should omit the word "have." Let me show you:Growing up with both my mom and my dad as doctors
have made me a different type of student than most of my classmates.
I learned at a young age a strict work ethic, a need to excel beyond average, and an intense desire to help people.
There needs to be a verb in front of "a strict work ethic;" "a need to" should be omitted; and a verb is needed before "an intense desire." I'll demonstrate:I learned at a young age
to uphold a strict work ethic,
a need to excel beyond average, and
cultivate an intense desire to help people.
Realizing this, made the path to medicine not only the obvious choice, but the only career that would truly fit.
I think you need to clarify what "this" is. Also, there shouldn't be a comma after "this." Here are my suggestions:Realizing
this,my passion for becoming a doctor made the path to medicine not only the obvious choice, but the only career that would truly fit.
I hope that helps you a little :)