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Amherst-'Difficulty need not foreshadow despair or defeat....


ace 5 / 66 5  
Dec 28, 2009   #1
'Difficulty need not foreshadow despair or defeat. Rather achievement can be all the more satisfying because of obstacles surmounted.' Please do help with grammer and how to improve the essay

I am a sport fanatic, although I do not play for any club besides school teams. Regardless, I still enjoy watching and playing them for recreation. Although I had all the basic training - which allowed me to swim without supervision - in two thousand and six, I had not swum in three years, and it was my first time swimming at a competitive level.

Every year in the first term, Maru-a-Pula school hosted an inter-house swimming gala in its swimming area, which always had a horde of MaP students. As part of the "M" house team, which wore glaring yellow t-shirts, we agreed that I will assist in time keeping and preparation of participants. Our team began the gala with a promising performance; in second place and competing in every race. But with time, some of my team-mates who were selected to compete did 'a no show,' leading to us into last place. I was devastated. Then I had an epiphany - we will not be getting any points if I am assisting with the organization of contestants. "M" house needed me. So I convinced our leader, Palesa, to authorize me to compete for the team as I could swim, and those who were better than me had no interest in doing so. I got into in my black, one piece 'MaP' engraved swimming costume, gathered all my courage, and went to sign up for the fifty by one freestyle race. As I sat on the brown, weathered, wooden bench- which showed that I was to participate in the next competition - my heart began to pound hastily; probably reaching two hundred beats per minute. I could hear the hand held, red stop clock ticking. Nervousness began to attack me; each second seemed to pass by slower and faster than normal. Each breath got deeper and suffocating. I had no aplomb.

Before bewilderment had concluded, it was my turn. All four competitors, including myself, leapt into the limpid pool and went into 'ready' position. Mister Noble sounded the gun. We began the race. Reality came to being by the quarter mark. I was behind and nowhere near the half way mark, whilst others were halfway from the finish line! But I just kept swimming simply because I knew that we needed the points. By the time I reached the half way mark, I was exhausted and had no will to go on. Regardless, I kept pushing myself beyond my limit, even with the abundant gulps of the chlorinated water I ingested. Constantly taking five second breaks and trying my best, I pushed with inanimate strokes. Meanwhile I had friends, some of which were for opposition teams, cheering me on. After a few cups, strokes that seemed hopeless, I finally reached the finish line. Although we were last place, the team rejoiced over the one point gain. My accolade was reaching finish line regardless of the obstacles; simply content with taking part in work for my team.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 29, 2009   #2
I am a sports fanatic, although I do not play for any club besides school teams. Regardless, I still enjoy watching and playing sports for recreation. Although I had all the basic training - which allowed me to swim without supervision - in 2006 I had not swum in three years, and it was my first time swimming at a competitive level.

...we agreed that I would assist in time keeping and preparation of participants.

Constantly taking five-second breaks and trying my best, I pushed with inanimate ineffective strokes.

This is great! I thought it was going to be a typical essay about a victory, but instead you describe having to take 5 second breaks! Very good!


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