UW Madison Essay - Something that goes unnoticed and why it is important to you.
Hi everyone, this essay is due Monday, but I would like to get it submitted either today or tomorrow, so please help me out!
As someone who's best friend is perpetually stuck in a cycle of self-harm and hatred, even the most infinitesimal act of benevolence can cause a one hundred and eighty degree shift in her mood. Most people do not witness this good will, and it continues to remain unnoticed by the general masses, which is exactly why it is something I treasure in my life.
This friend of mine is the absolute most altruistic, caring person I have ever had the joy of meeting throughout the integral of my existence on this Earth. She is someone who epitomizes small, unnoticed acts of kindness. But when she spirals into an episode, it all becomes lost. Usually when this occurs, either myself or our other close friends will do something to lighten her mood. When she receives this small act of kindness, whether it be a compliment on her outfit, a small note of appreciation, a simple hug, or paying for her coffee, her mood is instantly revived. Her eyes widen and fill with life and she begins to smile and laugh, something that is rarely seen during her low points.
If kindness is something that can hold so much power, why do most people not notice it? The answer is simply because they will not enhance their lives in any major way. To others, though, it may cause a dramatic change in happiness, even if just for a moment. A large number of people in this world run through the motions of life, without giving so much as a look to others. This selfishness is the root cause of dissatisfaction with life. Feeling alone and unhappy in this world is not an isolated problem; everyone feels it at some point over the duration of a lifetime. And this is exactly why random, small acts of kindness are so important. They highlight the good things in life, and let the bad emotions and events be put on the backburner, which is exactly why they are so important to me. I have seen the enormous power they have on someone, and believe that more people should notice them. These acts are what power the world to do good things and become better as a global society.
Acting altruistic in such small ways, especially towards my very close friend, has allowed me to make the decision of making selflessness into a career. My future plans include a career in biomedical engineering, a lucrative field that grants small acts of kindness to those facing a dismal medical condition. Developing new technologies that grant similar happiness to someone like my close friend is so gratifying and meaningful to me, as it allows small acts of unnoticed kindness to surface and become noticed in today's egocentric society.
Hi - My main concern, as a reader of the first few paragraphs of your essay, is that I feel like you are trying to convince me that your friend and her mood swings are the subjects of your answer to the prompt. Later, you become more focused on the importance of small, random acts of kindness, but why not forefront this more in the beginning, and use the story of your friend as evidence that these acts of kindness are important.
Also, consider your audience: likely, a tired, overworked committee member who may have dozens of these essays to read in a single sitting. It behooves you to answer the prompt up front (identify what goes unnoticed and why it is important to you), and then use the remaining paragraphs to provide evidence that will persuade this tired, overworked person that your example is important.
I served as a university writing tutor for 4+ years, and maintain a writing service website if you want a full review. Search "The Writing Consultant" on Facebook...
Good luck on with your application essays. - Ben
Thank you for the suggestions! Here is an updated first two paragraphs
As Bob Kerrey once said, "Unexpected kindness is the most powerful, least costly, and most underrated agent of human change." Once noticed, these acts can bring about a chain reaction, that will only improve the lives of everyone involved. This power of betterment is why I hold it so dear to my heart.
A prime example of the effect of such small acts is my very dear friend Denise. This friend of mine is the absolute most altruistic, caring person I have ever had the joy of meeting throughout the integral of my existence on this Earth. She is someone who epitomizes small, unnoticed acts of kindness, and delivers on such acts daily. But even with these tiny miracles, comes problems of her own. Denise has been struggling with self harm for almost her entire high school career, and frequently falls into a bottomless pit of self hatred. Usually when this occurs, either myself or our other close friends will do something to lighten her mood. When she receives this small act of kindness, whether it be a compliment on her outfit, a small note of appreciation, a simple hug, or paying for her coffee, her mood is instantly revived. Her eyes widen and fill with life and she begins to smile and laugh, something that is rarely seen during her low points.
I can't afford to give any more advice away for free, other than this: Do you want the tired, overworked admissions committee member to become distracted with a question such as "Who is Bob Kerrey?" as she/he starts to read your essay?
