Prompt:
2. How has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are?
4. What qualities do you have that can contribute to the UCF community?
Both are incorporated into one essay!
Acorn
As I sat on the cold, dewy grass, warming tears flooded down my face. Each crack in my mother's voice was followed by hard sobbing. Little did I know that this gloomy day in Boston was foreshadowing the news that I would later find out. I did not know much about my grandmother except for the fact that she passed away when my mother was ten. My mother decided it was time to tell me and my brothers the story of my grandmother. Her name was Elisabeth Gruhn and she was a bright and strong woman. During the Russian-German war, she was 13 and had to be shipped off alone dressed as a young boy due to the gruesome acts performed by the Russian soldiers to the women in Germany. As she grew older she decided to pursue a higher education and attended North-Eastern University in Boston. She had little to no belongings and had minimal knowledge of the English language. There she met my grandfather who was fortunately able to escape the dictatorship of Fidel Castro in Cuba. They learned English, Spanish, and German from each other and fell in love. That following August my mother was born and ten short years later, Elisabeth died of several different cancers.
I never was able to truly identify myself with a family member until I learned about my grandmother. Learning about her history has shaped me entirely. Her bravery is inspiring to me and her strength reminds me that I too can do anything if I work for it. As I grow older, I see qualities of strength, determination, independence, and a desire to succeed in myself. Each of these qualities were eminent in my grandmother and I continue to strengthen these qualities as I gain experience. I feel that these qualities are vital in an aspiring student. These qualities have many things to offer to the University of Central Florida. My strength will remind me that I can accomplish anything despite all odds, distractions, or obstacles. The determination I have has powered me throughout my high school career by helping me maintain focus on what is important and will help me do the same in my college career. My independence has shaped me in the fact that I can depend on myself in my studies and everyday life. My desire to succeed has always existed within me and helps push me to reach my goals. Each of these qualities will contribute greatly to the UCF community by shaping me into a well-rounded student and pushing myself to the best of my ability.
As I wiped away my tears and began to stand, I wanted to leave something at the grave to symbolize the impact she made. I look around for a while and found an acorn and placed it on top of her grave. It fit perfectly due to the fact that it is the fruit from an Oak Tree. An Oak Tree is strong, beautiful, and impactful on the land that they stand on. An acorn is a fruit of this magnificent tree that is hoping to one day become an Oak Tree as well. I felt that this was fitting towards the aspirations I developed after hearing her story and the woman I am in progress of becoming.
Lauren, your overall idea is good but why will you incorporate both essays? Is that the requirement?
Use the above essay as the answer to the first prompt, then delete some parts.
Your second essay should detail a leadership, academic and other quality you possess that will add value to already valued UCF community. :)
Okay good, I will suggest you remove that ''acorn'' that stands alone in the first paragraph.
Review your essay by adding leadership quality you will take to UCF and how your academic performances will contribute to UCF community. (because of prompt 2)
Then you can drop the review version so that people can help you with grammar check and awkward sentences.
My opinion;)
