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ACET - significant experiences or accomplishments.


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this is the question to be answered:
"Are there any significant experiences you have had, or accomplishments you have realized, that have helped you define you as a person?"


so, this is what i've written. im still deciding on what other things to add or which parts to be modified. can't find anybody else who can help me out with this~ ^^
thanks in advance!

People often say that we strive and struggle in order to survive, and along the way, we gain experiences that mold our own selves and change it, either for the better or for the worse. Because of these, we gain knowledge. We gain insights on how to live life effectively, how the world works, and how everything gets affected by the ripples of our own decisions. We experience how to love, to hate; we win, we lose; we get accepted or get rejected, and other parts in our life that help us become what we are now, and also define us as a person. Because of the knowledge we have gained from these, we learn how to become successful and we achieve accomplishment, and ultimately, we learn how to make our lives better. However, there is one thing in life that most of our experiences would require of us to have first. That is, the courage and the ability to learn how to take risks. We wouldn't be able to achieve something just by waiting for things to happen, and for everything to unfold right before our eyes. Sometimes, we need to initiate the action ourselves. All we need is courage, and faith, of course, to you-know-Who.
I remember myself being a pessimistic kid, who had never really cared or even thought about my goals in the future. Before, I thought that I just didn't care one bit about having experiences or exploring new things. I was given the opportunity to be able to improve myself. I had the talent as well as the strength to do so. All I had to do was to grab the opportunity and use it wisely. But instead, I tended to settle on what I already had. I preferred, or rather, claimed to be contented on what I had. However, as time passes by and I learn more and more, I realized that it wasn't much on not wanting to gain experience. Instead, I realized that I just lacked the courage to take risks and betting on things. Perhaps I was a coward then, though on a different aspect, I guess.
Upon stepping unto high school, there was that small amount of fear within me that I constantly feel. I was afraid that this cowardice of mine; my lack of courage on taking risks; will gradually pull me down and would destroy me in any possible situation, and I knew that this fact would haunt me forever. I was anxious to change this attitude, even betting on things I wasn't even sure about, though with little success in the end.
Because of these, I could say that perhaps I had already experienced most of the ups and downs of being a student. I had experienced the bitterness of defeat; the sweet taste of victory; the wrath of a teacher; the pressure; the burden of being a leader, the responsibilities, etc. Also, due to my inability to take risks, it was inevitable for me to have so many regrets. They were small things, but even so, they made huge effects.
In my pursuit of a change in attitude, I have equal regrets as well. I regretted being not myself on those situations. I regretted pretending to know that I can handle huge responsibilities. I regretted those times when I risk things which I know I shouldn't have, just for the sake of risking.
All of these experiences in my life had made me realize some things: that letting other things happen doesn't mean that I give up. It is simply to know that beyond risking, sometimes things fall perfectly after waiting. And that we don't have to be taking risks to be able to show that we are courageous. We don't obtain courage from anywhere else. It's from within.


and if there are errors or any mistakes in grammar/spellings/sense, etc. (and i know there are a LOT) please please do tell me. comments and suggestions are very much appreciated :)
thanks so much!

I'm not an expert in English, but I hope my advice is correct.

People often say that we strive and struggle in order to survive, and along the way, we gain experiences that (which) mold our own selves ourseves and change it, either for the better or for the worse.

Because of these, we gain knowledge. We gain insights on how to live a life effectively, how the world works, and how everything gets affected by the ripples of our own decisions.
We experience how to love, to hate; we win, we lose; we get accepted or get rejected, and other parts in our life that helped us become what we are now, and also define us as a person.
Try to not use the word 'that' unnecessarily:

People often say that we strive and struggle in order to survive, and along the way, we gain experiences that mold our own selves and change it us, either for the better or for the worse.

Because of the knowledge we have gained from these, we learn how to become successful, and we achieve accomplishment, ultimately learning how to make our lives better. However, there is one thing in life that most of our experiences would require of us to have first: the courage and the ability to learn how to take risks.
Start new paragraph:
We wouldn't be able to achieve something just by waiting for things it to happen and for everything to unfold right before our eyes.

I regretted those times when I risk risked things which I know I shouldn't have, just for the sake of risking.--- this sentence is confusing....

All of these experiences in my life had made me realize some things: that letting other things happen doesn't mean that I give up.


Wow, this is excellent! I'm sorry you don't have anyone else to help with it, but we are always here. Also, you don't need much help because you really have important things to say. Some essays do not say important things....
You should talk more about specific accomplishments and how they relate to the chosen profesional field that you are excited about entering.
waaah thank you!
promise ill try to do better on my other essays and ill definitely keep in my mind those things you've said~ (too bad i already submitted my work)
hehe but it's okay i appreciated the help :))
thanks again!



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