Just a small town girl living in a lonely worlddd!!!!!!! lol okay now down to business. :)
each others
so everyone knew each other.
We all practice the same religion, and both schools were predominantly white. The majority of my friends and classmates were wealthy. They lived in beautiful large homes and wore high end designer clothes.
Okay so in these sentences your stating all the traits that your classmates shared. I suggest saying along the lines of "on the outside looking in, you might think that were all the same, mirrors of each other because we all practice the same religion, but that's far fro, the truth"....or something like that. Then you should start listing those things because their the opposite of what you are.
One thing I've learned is acceptance. My parents and my own experiences have taught me to accept others for who they are.
So this sentence here is kind of abrupt. You really didn't build enough evidence to show how you learned acceptance. You should give an example of how the wealthy rich kids in your school act. Such as, are they unappreciative?? From there, then you should state how after years of dealing with them you learned accepting people for who they are.
After this I am now eager for something more. I want to situate myself in a whole new environment with people of all different bbackgrounds , races, and religions. That is why I chose to apply to Rutgers University. I know Rutgers will not only give me a good education, but also diversity.
I get the feeling that the only reason you want to go to Rutgers is because they have a lot of diversity. Just so you know, all universities offer this, so you need something more than just diversity and education. State how your experience fro attending private catholic schools taught you x, y and z and now you want to take the skills that you learned them and apply them to a culturally rich and diverse university where you can learn so much more etc.
....and BAM sugar and spice. Hope I gave you some ideas :)