Unanswered [14] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate [26,496] - page 378 of 442

Undergraduate

Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays (page 378)

Replies | Threads
How I Role Model (UC PROMPT #1)

5 - I see that Susan got the errors... but little things could be improved, like... no comma is necessary here:...

UndergraduateKMA - Nov 15, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 19, 2009
Emerson supplement short answer life title

3 - In order to support the "to be continued" theme, you should revise with a focus on resilience, perseverance. Your...

Undergraduatebrynnmosel - Nov 17, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 19, 2009
An essay about Pole Vaut-Rutger's essay

3 - I agree with amaryrose: to submit this as a college essay, you will have to tie your experience into...

Undergraduatewoogiez - Nov 18, 2009 / Vulpix - Nov 19, 2009
"The Mexican" Personal Statement

3 - Working through out my sophomore and junior year was tough but I learned how to manage my time and...

UndergraduateMayra - Nov 16, 2009 / zomgyams - Nov 19, 2009
"my grandpa's journey" - significant experience, my college admission essay

4 - The process of coping wit h his death has taught me a lot. It made me understood the reality...

Undergraduatejamesmai92 - Nov 17, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 19, 2009
UWM personal statement 1 - culturally enriching

4 - Okay, I see that an important point you are making is that you harmonize well with diverse people....

Undergraduatealiaad - Nov 17, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 19, 2009
'math tutoring program' Activity Essay for the Common app

9 - Student tutors were only selected from the senior AP Calculus classes. Being a fervent fan of mathematics, I was...

UndergraduateHelpPls - Nov 15, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 19, 2009
My dilemma dramatically changed my perspectives on life; ethical dilemma/alcoholism

2 - First I think you should omit "useless, pathetic and stupid" and put quotes around "substance abuse" I also...

Undergraduatecalderon - Nov 19, 2009 / TFS109201 - Nov 19, 2009
'Volunteering at the hospital, pediatrician' - UC Personal Statement: community

4 - Going to school and interacting with friends does not really set you apart from anyone! Yes, you need that...

Undergraduatemshalavadi - Nov 17, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 19, 2009
Crack! I was down! ; COMMON APP/ Significant Experience

4 - Crack! I was down. A million different thoughts spun in my head. That is just an idea I...

Undergraduatetjk10 - Oct 28, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 19, 2009
"Seek, seek"-common application short answer( elaborate on one of your activity)

4 - Maybe you can think of something creative to do with seek, seek, seek. Seeking scholarly sources, web resources, and...

Undergraduatejelly - Nov 17, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 19, 2009
UC Essay #2 An important experience. Roller Coaster

12 - Mustafa, you are so mean! Ha ha, and even though my first impulse is that it is not good...

UndergraduateJennB2288 - Nov 17, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 19, 2009
My passion for knowledge has been nurtured fiercely since infancy, magnifying every passing moment

10 - Whenever someone tells you about a conflict, and they tell you the other person used them as a punching...

Undergraduatenatasha99 - Nov 11, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 19, 2009
MacCauley Honors Essay Topic See the World

2 - Your first sentence is a great attention grabber! You need to make a clear thesis statement at the end...

UndergraduatePolinaFerd - Nov 17, 2009 / EF_Susan - Nov 19, 2009
the mountain lion UC prompt 1; the world you come from

8 - You are talking about a love of nature but there is no nature in this. Take advantage of your...

Undergraduatecaslyn1 - Nov 13, 2009 / purl81 - Nov 19, 2009
I am going to make it to UCF, "bump in the road"

2 - ^Ummm...not quite, especially since college decisions are not always uniform...you can be the best student ever and not...

Undergraduatetakemeoutoxox - Nov 18, 2009 / Llamapoop123 - Nov 19, 2009
UC prompt 1 "Operation Iraqi Freedom"

6 - It's a moving essay, but it doesn't really show how it shaped your aspirations. Your dad going to war...

Undergraduatesamicaligirl92 - Nov 15, 2009 / Moonshadow0302 - Nov 19, 2009
'No reason I needed these classed' - An experience in which I left my comfort zone

3 - I love your story! For my idea I think you should have more description about your inner feeling for...

Undergraduatetrishaa78 - Nov 18, 2009 / Twinkle - Nov 19, 2009
UC Essay #1: My family and my dreams

5 - Thanks for the feedback...this is just a first draft, I forgot to say lol. So its kinda boring and...

UndergraduateJennB2288 - Nov 18, 2009 / JennB2288 - Nov 19, 2009
Thanksgiving night; UC Prompt #1 - Traditions

7 - I disagree with amaryrose. I think that the ending sentence is just the right way to end the essay,...

Undergraduategumdrop41 - Nov 17, 2009 / Pikafu - Nov 18, 2009
I was always told to bury my face in books all day;FIELD HOCKEY/ Topic of my choice

NEW - Please write an essay (250 words minimum) on a topic of your choice or on one of the options...

UndergraduateAnguyen12t - Nov 18, 2009 / — -
Personal statement for University of Wisconsin Madison. prompt #1

4 - thanks for the advices. I tried doing it again and it did not turn out so well. It...

Undergraduatehelpme143 - Nov 14, 2009 / helpme143 - Nov 18, 2009
Putting my thoughts on paper; UT austin Statement of Purpose

7 - I think this will be my final, before my submission. Thank you Kevin for the editing that you done...

Undergraduatenuncio900 - Oct 31, 2009 / nuncio900 - Nov 18, 2009
Overcoming Illness - I am proud of what I have learned from it; UC Prompt 2

3 - in the first sentence, you don't need "of my life" "Walking around out doors was on its own...

Undergraduateateitelb - Nov 18, 2009 / gumdrop41 - Nov 18, 2009
"got a call announcing that I had the job" - common app short answer-activity

10 - "Instead, I dropped by every cafe in the town with copies of my resume and expounded upon the irrationality...

Undergraduateyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy - Nov 10, 2009 / thatpersonphil - Nov 18, 2009
Common Application Essay An essay about moments in my life

3 - The premise is interesting, but your structure is very blocky. I would definitely recommend paring down many of your...

UndergraduateTFS109201 - Nov 17, 2009 / amaryrose - Nov 18, 2009
Short Activity Essay for Common App - Volunteering in Ecuador

5 - The only sentence I think could use some work is the second to last. "Conversing with the children...

Undergraduatemelaaanieee - Nov 18, 2009 / amaryrose - Nov 18, 2009
Common App- 150 words- Student Council

4 - Hey, considering we are on the same student council i think i may be of assistance lol One...

Undergraduatemle2010 - Nov 16, 2009 / medelman2010 - Nov 18, 2009
UC personal statement- community and family

7 - Thank you, yeah I didn't want to sound aggrogant. Its really hard for me to write about myself and...

Undergraduatebabylocs23 - Nov 17, 2009 / babylocs23 - Nov 18, 2009
East meets West UC Prompt #2

3 - They contradict one another... that is a good observation. Can you also include a paragraph that gives the opposite...

UndergraduateSmH - Nov 16, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 18, 2009
"the person i am today" rutgers diversity prompt

4 - Don't switch verb tense: My weekend consisted of going to... this is supposed to be about how you...

Undergraduatereptar28 - Nov 16, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 18, 2009
I loved fighting; Personal statement for University of Arizona

4 - I have to warn you... the admissions people might be prejudice against you if you include MMA and the...

Undergraduatejk17 - Nov 16, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 18, 2009
Admissions Essay about my future career plans-feedback

3 - As a child, I was the member of my family who took interest in helping those who were in...

Undergraduatemonkey1992 - Nov 16, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 18, 2009
"Rachel's Challenge" - Common App: significant experience, achievement, risk...

4 - One more sentence at the end of that first para could make it more meaningful... give one more sentence...

Undergraduateneil098 - Nov 12, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 18, 2009
Dreams and Aspirations ( UC Prompt )

3 - ...news and being introduced to these depressing accounts of other people's experiences throughout the world. Infinitesimal means "small."...

Undergraduatepacers7ind - Nov 16, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 18, 2009
Writing Music Reviews (Common App Short Response)

10 - It wasn't until sixth grade that when my English teacher ... Hey, maybe you should use some voice...

Undergraduateomarxcore - Nov 12, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 18, 2009
UCF Essay Prompt "Bumps in the Road"

3 - Thanks ;) I just wish I could write as well for the SAT, 25 minutes is not enough time...

Undergraduatekael92 - Nov 16, 2009 / kael92 - Nov 18, 2009
"Economics chose me" - UC Personal Statement Prompt #1 on Economics

5 - "I began purchasing bulks of high demand electronics for half of their retail price and selling them trough craigslist."...

Undergraduateagsabeh - Nov 13, 2009 / aleggz - Nov 17, 2009
MA College of pharamacy supplement - to be part of the 6 year Doctor of Pharmacy program

NEW - "Please submit a brief 250-word essay discussing your reasons for choosing the specific health care career you wish to...

Undergraduatenmp07 - Nov 17, 2009 / — -
"Can you not move?"; Video Production Essay

3 - from what I heard , is exactly what Allegheny provides. (i think its heard, not hear, dont take my...

Undergraduatealexakrivoniak - Nov 17, 2009 / evildanny2009 - Nov 17, 2009
A Future Doctor: 7 year BS-MD Program Essay

5 - Thank you everyone for editing this! I really appreciate the feedback. glorfs: Thanks for the in depth analysis!...

Undergraduatelahariv - Nov 15, 2009 / lahariv - Nov 17, 2009
Open topic Supplement Essay about guitar-playing

10 - Thanks for all the feedback! I've revised the final two paragraphs and my conclusion is more explicit and...

Undergraduateglorfs - Nov 15, 2009 / glorfs - Nov 17, 2009
My career goals - need help getting started

4 - I always tell people they should be purposeful in writing admissions essays. you should have a strategy. your strategy...

Undergraduateamybelle1092 - Nov 16, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 17, 2009
My DECA Story... UC prompt #2

2 - That 1st place trophy is a token that represents a tangible award, but it could mean less to me....

Undergraduateckseakayck - Nov 16, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 17, 2009
An experience through which i have gained respect for differences

10 - Excellent, thanks! I see that you did get established as a contributor. That's great, and I really appreciate the...

Undergraduatecissylewel - Nov 8, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 17, 2009
"born to immigrants from Japan and Croatia" - Common App Diversity Essay

3 - As the only first-generation daughter born to immigrants from Japan and Croatia, my upbringing was a strange blend of...

Undergraduatezomgyams - Nov 15, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 17, 2009
"never to bet against my parents" - GRAMMAR EDITING

3 - Why is it one long paragraph? That is the most important thing. One idea, one paragraph... that is the...

Undergraduatesongbird91 - Nov 15, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 17, 2009
Prompt: Describe ex of your leadership.

3 - Ha ha ha, awesome, we need more people like you!! How could anyone not be impressed with this essay?...

Undergraduatebrobson - Nov 15, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 17, 2009
"Never Really Considered Myself...." --Common App Short Answer

3 - Run on sentence: I never really considered myself to be quite the athlete; after years of dropped basketballs and...

UndergraduateJS2010 - Nov 15, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 17, 2009
First generation student - Common App/ Topic of your choice

4 - Don't capitalize generation in that first sentence. Use a hyphen for self-learn. A little bit of assistance...

Undergraduatedjrmt - Nov 15, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 17, 2009
'studying politics in-depth' - GWU essay about what influenced me to apply

4 - Out Of the many reasons that inspired me to apply ... The George Washington University allows all...

Undergraduateaznq01 - Nov 15, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 17, 2009
USC prompt : "Perception of Mortality" does it agree with the prompt?

4 - It was me against a one-ton, metal, forty mile-per-hour moving machine. I almost lost, indefinitely. I crossed off...

Undergraduateguffaa88 - Nov 15, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 17, 2009
UC Prompt 2 - Music Molds My Mission

6 - I developed a strong personal attachment to music ever since the very first time I moved my hand over...

UndergraduateRypto - Nov 14, 2009 / Jd87rh - Nov 17, 2009
UT austin "Issue essay"

3 - Also, don't capitalize nation in that first sentence. I almost want to suggest cutting it down to size as...

Undergraduatenuncio900 - Nov 15, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 17, 2009
"The importance of hardship"- UC Prompt

2 - My first thought is that you should let go of the first sentence. Someone who does not know you...

Undergraduatetesfaw - Nov 16, 2009 / EF_Susan - Nov 17, 2009
My secret--personal essay on common application

8 - Thanks!!! very constructive advise. I will make some progress and upload my new essay~...

Undergraduatejelly - Nov 4, 2009 / jelly - Nov 17, 2009
UC prompt 2: Significant achievement (Soccer)

6 - Your essay topic seems good and nice organization but you probably just need to work on a few small...

Undergraduatecalderon - Nov 15, 2009 / JennB2288 - Nov 17, 2009
Game Freak- Common App Essay

10 - I think your essay was really good, but I at first I thought you were going to write about...

Undergraduatejindu85 - Nov 14, 2009 / karyenu - Nov 17, 2009
UC Essay Prompt 2- Grandpa's Sin, My Revelation

4 - Thank you Susan and Kevin. I'll edit it while keeping your comments in mind. I appreciate it!...

Undergraduatetweezerman - Nov 15, 2009 / tweezerman - Nov 17, 2009
'Promotion of higher thinking' - stanford a good place for you - edit

10 - in reference to onix, the final draft of the essay has a lot less adjectives in it. i'm a...

Undergraduatelovebugs925 - Oct 6, 2009 / smoores - Nov 16, 2009

Home / Undergraduate

Writing
Editing Help?
✖
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳