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Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays.
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Transfer main essay to NYU!!!

2 - I love the way you are trying to tell a story. However, the points you raised are not strong enough, in...

Undergraduatechan94 - 08:25am
harveyross
08:54am
I can offer NYU my patient perspective because of my experience in Xiamen, not so big city in China.

3 - Thank you so much! Yes, I had concerns about writing so many points in a short essay when I was...

UndergraduateChenchenchen - Yesterday
Chenchenchen
07:32am
Engineering in supporting my financial issues - Personal statement correction

2 - is this paragraph a part of the statement? If so, I suggest to remove it or express it in a...

UndergraduateIraj33 - Yesterday
ah_zafari
Yesterday
Being a president of English club I organized a summer exchange trip to Lithuania; cultural exchange

5 - You made some great changes here. I focused on cutting this time, but also made some other changes. Hope...

Undergraduatenazmarta - Mar 25, 2015
lynzee22
Mar 25, 2015
My mother's dedication inspired me to set high goals to make her proud. My international background.

2 - Hello! While the overall message you want to convey stands out, I see some structural and grammar issues....

Undergraduatenazmarta - Mar 25, 2015
EF_Sheri
Mar 25, 2015
LIBRARY: SECOND HOME (QUESTBRIDGE SHORT RESPONSE)

5 - I changed auntie to "friend" because she is just an acquaintance

Undergraduaterettabby - Mar 25, 2015
rettabby
Mar 25, 2015
Through medicine people's lives are prolonged - Career Goals of an Emergency Room Physician

3 - Thanks this helped a lot, this is a paper to get into a summer program at a college, and the prompt...

Undergraduatejaylon - Mar 23, 2015
jaylon
Mar 24, 2015
'Academics, bookwork, school' - Quest Bridge Biographical Essay

3 - After seeing the struggles my mother goeswent through in order for me to have a better future, I made a decision:...

Undergraduatek9chilly - Sep 24, 2012
lynzee22
Mar 23, 2015
'scientific research is strongly promoted here' - Macalester supplement

3 - Hello, This is a very good start. Below are some suggestions For a liberal arts college with high national...

Undergraduatecordyceps - Jan 15, 2012
lynzee22
Mar 23, 2015
Motive for exchange program in Japan - to broaden my horizon

4 - I majored in Design at** High School and now major in Creative Design and Management and minor in Early Childhood Education...

Undergraduateerinwu - Mar 22, 2015
lynzee22
Mar 23, 2015
Korean universities, culture, and technology. My passion to continue my study.

3 - When I was born in 1991, and I lived with my both parents at rented house, because at that time we...

Undergraduatetian lee - Mar 23, 2015
EF_Kevin
Mar 23, 2015
It will help me have a clear picture in my career and become a good person. STAAR Summer CAMP

3 - this is my correction, i think it is short, Do i need to write more? (short essay) Since...

Undergraduatetrantuan1471 - Mar 19, 2015
trantuan1471
Mar 21, 2015
What type of work would you like to do once you finish school? Short essay

4 - this my correction, please help me :))) When I was a child, I came to visit my grandmother at hospital...

Undergraduatemaiphuong29 - Mar 18, 2015
maiphuong29
Mar 21, 2015
"The Dreams About a Perfect World" - motivation statement

2 - The time when I spoke up as a delegate of ICPD (International Conference on Population and Development Beyond 2014) Global Youth...

Undergraduatedcdm13 - Mar 19, 2015
lynzee22
Mar 19, 2015
My reason for becoming a nurse is the passion in my heart and soul for helping others

2 - My reason for becoming a nurse is the passion in my heart and soul for helping others. To be a nurse...

Undergraduatejdawdy9 - Apr 13, 2013
lynzee22
Mar 19, 2015
Process Analysis rough draft "Filling Physician Orders"

2 - Today, the medical field is growing and day by day more conditions and diseases are affecting many lives. Without...

Undergraduatesherelle04 - Sep 18, 2012
lynzee22
Mar 19, 2015
Activity- Junior Red Cross, or we usually call it "PMR" or Palang Merah Remaja with 17 of my friends

4 - thanks guys ; D

Undergraduateroyalitas - Mar 19, 2015
royalitas
Mar 19, 2015
Painting I did; Brown/ Something I created and it makes me proud

2 - Hello, Please see my edits below I had chosen to paint the same picture that convinced me to join...

Undergraduatejs65438 - Jan 3, 2013
lynzee22
Mar 18, 2015
Hiroshima Peace Memorial Park experience - Applying for Japanese Studies and Sociology

6 - Thank you very much for spending your time reviewing my essay, lynzee22! :D I really do appreciate your help! In...

Undergraduateishikawayayoi - Mar 16, 2015
ishikawayayoi
Mar 17, 2015
One name became the center of my world - Haruki Murakami; Hamilton Sup

2 - In the year before I came to the States, my obsession with reading books, which had been extinguished for unknown reasons...

Undergraduaterainneil - Dec 30, 2012
lynzee22
Mar 17, 2015
"We spent so much money on you and this is how you repay us?" Since your last application- Stanford

4 - "We spent so much money on you and this is how you repay us?" my dad screamed staring straight in my...

Undergraduatesumitsadawarti - Mar 15, 2015
sumitsadawarti
Mar 15, 2015
To pursue academic interest while preparing for the professional world - why Amherst?

4 - Thank you for such quick responses. I've made the necessary changes and feel reassured that I have a quality paper.

UndergraduateZakarh1 - Mar 13, 2015
Zakarh1
Mar 15, 2015
I decided to learn something practical, technical and capable of creating huge material

5 - Thanks a lot!

UndergraduateAshley_W - Mar 13, 2015
Ashley_W
Mar 14, 2015
I started clicking all the different tabs; My Stanford "Intellectual Vitality"

2 - Hello, your story is very well written and very interesting. You start off very well, but the end is a...

UndergraduateSilverKnight - Nov 4, 2013
lynzee22
Mar 14, 2015
"Arguments of Affection"; dinner with my family. UC Prompt #1

3 - Prompt: Describe the world you come from. For example your family, community, or school. Hello! My edits and suggestions are...

Undergraduate4m4jordan4m4 - Nov 14, 2012
EF_Jasmine
Mar 13, 2015
'pull myself back together'- exceptional achievement that highlights your academic experience gained

2 - Hello my edits and suggestions are below: No One can not achieve victory without facing any challenges at any point(...

UndergraduateFiqG95 - Mar 13, 2015
EF_Jasmine
Mar 13, 2015
"We are not like white people - she can endure this." NYU Supplement (Transfer student)

3 - You may want to look over at some grammatical errors. A few I found within the first few sentences Also,...

Undergraduaterochellew18 - Mar 13, 2015
aikoashiya
Mar 13, 2015
Essay : an incident or set of incidents in your life that had the most profound influence on you !

5 - Essay : As a child, life was great for me. I spent my days being a hyperactive boy, running around and...

Undergraduatethe_batfan - Mar 12, 2015
rochellew18
Mar 13, 2015
Our first computer program, “Hello world”; Essay for English class

4 - I read through the essay and overall its pretty good. The concepts there it just needs a little work...

Undergraduatecal23 - Nov 20, 2012
Zakarh1
Mar 13, 2015
"Gay man of color"; It is imperative for me to be a sinner - Stanford essay

7 - I think this is really good topic and beautifully portrayed. If there your essay has not exceeded the word limit yet,...

Undergraduatesumitsadawarti - Mar 9, 2015
rochellew18
Mar 13, 2015
I have this dream of being a vegan; William & Mary Essay

2 - Hello, that is written very well. It reads a lot like a poem. I liked it However, for a...

UndergraduateAbbi1129 - Jan 1, 2014
lynzee22
Mar 12, 2015
Hello, my name is John, I'm a technology lover ..

3 - The person before me did some great edits, so I am going to edit what they have. I hope this helped...

Undergraduatedinah20 - Mar 12, 2015
lynzee22
Mar 12, 2015
Educational Goals and Interests; Biochemistry/Forensic Science; Waterloo Essay

3 - Thank you very much :)

Undergraduateshreyaad - Mar 12, 2015
shreyaad
Mar 12, 2015
An Experience that has been particularly meaningful to me is when I gave birth to my son. FAMU Essay

3 - Hi, everthing in my life error and at you, that you should still finish what you started no need to...

Undergraduateayee_vis - Mar 10, 2015
Freelanson
Mar 11, 2015
I spent most of my adolescence reviewing literature about flight principles

3 - Thank you for your contribution, I will consider your corrections for sure! Any further critics will be welcome! :)

Undergraduateismaelmatamoros - Mar 9, 2015
ismaelmatamoros
Mar 10, 2015
SCAD - Importance of Writing on My Life - My Statement of Purpose!

2 - I loved it. Though I think you should add something about what you would do during college, something like a study...

Undergraduatemwaldrop101 - Mar 9, 2015
jakelly
Mar 10, 2015
19th century novels, knitting patterns from the 1930s; Applicant Statement for Living History Museum

2 - I am writing in response to the Summer Interpretation Internship at Old Sturbridge Village. Since childhood, I have been fascinated by...

Undergraduatecollegebound28 - Mar 9, 2015
Lbernal11
Mar 9, 2015
"I am a psychopath" Psychiatry dep. accepting essays from people with disorders on their experiences

2 - Hello, So I suppose I don't need to tell you your essay is well written. However, I would make...

Undergraduateanonymous137 - Mar 9, 2015
lynzee22
Mar 9, 2015
NYU Poly Tech Second Bachelor's in Computer Science (Personal Statement)

3 - Thank you so much guys! Can you help me rephrase this sentence so that it sounds better? In my five...

Undergraduatemiqbal06 - Mar 7, 2015
miqbal06
Mar 8, 2015
Career and life goals - architect's dream

3 - Since I was a kid, I dreamed of being an architect because buildings, highways always caught my attention. As I passed...

Undergraduatejdlr96 - Mar 4, 2015
anhminh3105
Mar 5, 2015
University application essay - My contributions to LEO Club

2 - [Link / Image / Video / Quote]

Undergraduatepoopyjohnny - Mar 4, 2015
Anfalia
Mar 4, 2015
UC Prompt #1 A single mother in my world - the world you come from

3 - "It is true, I am the product of an absent father, but my mother filled in both shoes of being both...

Undergraduatetylerseals - Oct 23, 2012
jdlr96
Mar 4, 2015
Growth of Resilience - UC Personal Statement 2

4 - Sdelicana, you provide excellent details about your challenges growing up, but I think paragraphs 2, 3, and 4 could be combined...

Undergraduatesdelicana - Nov 28, 2012
dquinlan11
Mar 4, 2015
Brown University carries my top choice of major: Development Studies.

9 - Thank you! That's awesome! I wish I knew someone who went there so I could ask about their personal experience!

Undergraduatezasif326 - Feb 28, 2015
zasif326
Mar 4, 2015
South Asian cultures typically emphasize that the only career choice for students is in medicine.

4 - Thank you to both EF_season and EF_Jasmine for taking the time to edit my personal statements! I really appreciate all your...

Undergraduatezasif326 - Feb 28, 2015
zasif326
Mar 4, 2015
We all care what the "world" thinks of us, and deny that - I have gone through this phase.

3 - There are quite a few grammatical and stylistic errors in your essay that I advise you to re-check, though lightfox has...

Undergraduateamasso - Mar 4, 2015
aikoashiya
Mar 4, 2015
Senioritis - a term used to describe the lack of motivation displayed by students

4 - Thanks Carol, that's exactly what I was thinking - I just wanted to see if it would work or not! I'll...

Undergraduateaikoashiya - Feb 25, 2015
aikoashiya
Mar 4, 2015
Georgetown Transfer Essay: Asian American Identity Crisis (Also can't think of a witty closer)

4 - Hello dendenkim, pretty good essay but as EF_Sheri said do not over use the humor on your essay otherwise you might...

Undergraduatedendenkim - Feb 25, 2015
Barrera77
Mar 2, 2015
That day was shocking to many people, everything happened so slowly

3 - Good Luck!!

Undergraduatecmcontin - Mar 2, 2015
Anfalia
Mar 2, 2015
Reach an outstanding employment prospect to major financial institutions - liberal arts colleges

8 - It means a short introduction, such as a personal experience. BTW, I just posted my edited version, could you have a...

UndergraduateLoveNYU - Feb 28, 2015
LoveNYU
Mar 1, 2015
Procrastination is a terrible, terrible technique for self induced anxiety. Would not recommend.

4 - Actually nevermind, just submitted my application. Thanks anyway! :)

Undergraduatedendenkim - Mar 1, 2015
dendenkim
Mar 1, 2015
My mom is my real teacher; "If you grow up what will you do?"

2 - Hello my edits and suggestions are below, One day my mom asked me,"If you grow up what will you do?"...

UndergraduateInaa_e - Mar 1, 2015
EF_Jasmine
Mar 1, 2015
My first escapade in the realm of psychology was unintentional - UT Major Transfer Essay

2 - HI sousuke! I hope I'm not too late to help. I'm EF_Season. I'll respond now... Even if it is too late,...

Undergraduatesousuke - Feb 28, 2015
EF_Season
Mar 1, 2015
I see many opportunities to achieve my end goal of learning all I can. Brown Univ.

2 - As a woman who has just started experiencing the world, I see many opportunities to achieve my end goal of learning...

Undergraduatezasif326 - Feb 28, 2015
EF_Season
Mar 1, 2015
I am not afraid of the future anymore. I fell in love instantly with graphic design; admission essay

3 - thank you I revised it . thanks for the advice!

Undergraduatesardigt - Feb 28, 2015
sardigt
Mar 1, 2015
Interest in particle physics lead me to decision to apply to University of Glasgow - transfer essay

2 - In the second class of high school (not exactly sure what this means, do you mean your second year of high...

UndergraduateShilay - Feb 28, 2015
dendenkim
Mar 1, 2015
It is agonizing to watch such a beautiful country crumble because of the rising violence. UT Austin.

3 - You have very good use of imagery; your essay was captivating throughout. I agree with TJLuschen's suggestions.

Undergraduateyoungfolk2 - Feb 27, 2015
zasif326
Feb 28, 2015
"Your account has been deleted. We hope you come back soon," Facebook said

2 - This was an interesting read but also very generic and predictable. People know pretty much exactly what happens when someone deletes...

Undergraduateamei_mei - Feb 27, 2015
zasif326
Feb 28, 2015
FROM 4 LEGS TO 2! How Veterinary medicine led me to Nursing.

3 - Wow! I appreciate your comments so much and agree with all of your edits. Thank you so much.

Undergraduatelelooloo - Feb 26, 2015
lelooloo
Feb 27, 2015
Where words or actions are not able to produce. Parsons The New School Artist Statement revision.

7 - I am not a native speaker, and I'm far from painting, so very carefully I'll try to discuss your essay....

UndergraduateWDantigua - Jan 29, 2015
autumn_waltz
Feb 27, 2015
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