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Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays.
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Caltech ethics and challenge prompt

3 - I'll add in your suggestions, Mismak. Louisa, I'd thought about that when I started writing, and I figured that I'd...

Undergraduateicaruswalks - Yesterday
icaruswalks
12:45am
In a concise NARRAVITE, describe your notion of 'the good life'

1 - Taylor, this is a very good flash forward into the good life that you envision. However, the essay is asking you...

UndergraduateTaylorInc - Yesterday
vangiespen
12:44am
Common APP essay prompt #1 background story central to your identity

1 - You're missing some commas in your first few sentances. They need commas in there. Also I happened to notice that...

UndergraduateMismak17 - Yesterday
AlyssaAbbate
12:20am
UofMichigan Ross Business Essay - Why I am Passionate About Business -

NEW - In order to be considered for preferred admission, you must indicate your interest on the U-M Member Page of the common...

UndergraduateAlyssaAbbate - 12:16am
Syracuse Supplement- Common App Essay #5

NEW - When you catch a glimpse of your potential, that's when passion is born. As a wise man once said: when you...

Undergraduateanshysahani - Yesterday
Explain how Kalamazoo College's approach to education will help you explore your ideas

2 - Shouldn't I mention what I am really looking for when it comes to college education?

UndergraduatePranu - Yesterday
Pranu
Yesterday
William and Mary Supplement- I'm a butterfly

3 - Than you guys very much for your feedback. I sincerely appreciate it!!

Undergraduatejjj90 - Yesterday
jjj90
Yesterday
We are not so powerless as it seems - Bentley

10 - What do you think Louisa? I tried really hard to fit everything you suggested into it.. Word limit makes everything harder...

UndergraduateCharphil - Oct 28, 2014
Charphil
Yesterday
Expression Through Hair - Common App Essay

6 - Okay, I made about 1 or 2 changes in word choice, and organized my new paragraphs into the essay. I think...

Undergraduatexeber_97 - Oct 30, 2014
xeber_97
Yesterday
A woman, carrying her newborn on her shoulders, was selling utensils - Making a difference essay

9 - Pranu, you spend too much time reflecting on the story of the woman selling utensils and your friend instead of yourself...

UndergraduatePranu - Oct 15, 2014
vangiespen
Yesterday
I will not sacrifice - Why BU is a good fit for me.

4 - @vangiespen thank you! I really appreciate it!!

Undergraduatexeber_97 - Yesterday
xeber_97
Yesterday
"Stop ladies pray!" - The importance of music throughout my life Yale Admissions essay

2 - This is a very interesting piece of work Megan. Your depiction of learning how to play the violin over the holidays...

UndergraduateMegan642 - Yesterday
vangiespen
Yesterday
Admittedly, I was nervous: What would they think of me?

2 - @xeber_97 Thank you very much. I really appreciate it.

Undergraduatejjj90 - Yesterday
jjj90
Yesterday
Whenever I went to summer camp we always played fish bowl - Penn supplement

2 - thanks!

Undergraduatejayj - Yesterday
jayj
Yesterday
All interpretations of "the good life" pivot on the definition of "good".

NEW - In a concise narrative, describe your notion of 'the good life'. How will your undergraduate experience at the University of Florida...

Undergraduategunner1888 - Yesterday
It's worst than death terror? My fear of public speaking

1 - Hi Sophie, I do like the quote in the beginning of the essay However, as the promt suggests it...

UndergraduateSophie123 - Yesterday
Charphil
Yesterday
UChicago "untranslatable, personal word: Sobremesa"

5 - In your first paragraph in Spanish, there are some things you need to change. I don't know if the admissions officer...

Undergraduateshannonnmm - Oct 30, 2014
AndrewT97
Yesterday
Diversity is a beautiful thing. Imagine how boring the world would be if it were homogenous

7 - Will do. Thanks Louisa for your feedback. I really appreciate it.

UndergraduateAndrewT97 - Oct 30, 2014
AndrewT97
Yesterday
A truly effective leader must be visionary - North Carolina State

3 - Thank you. I have changed the second sentence to: Therefore, I believe that a truly effective leader must be organized and...

UndergraduateSeabelle05 - Yesterday
Seabelle05
Yesterday
A Secret Worth Sharing

3 - Wow this is nice!

Undergraduatezhuzhu08 - Oct 30, 2014
restinpizza
Yesterday
I hated ballet- Common App Essay

4 - Thank you! You're comment seriously made me tear up. I feel very confident in submitting this essay, thank...

UndergraduateMegan642 - Oct 30, 2014
Megan642
Yesterday
I felt rejuvenated when researching about issues completely unknown - MIT Short essays

3 - -I feel rejuvenated -preparing to support any side. -of both the affirmative and the negative...

Undergraduatemelramadhani - Oct 30, 2014
Megan642
Yesterday
GAP year essay for common app required explanation. Mount Holyoke College Applicant

5 - Thank you Louisa so much for your help! :D

Undergraduateenashley13 - Oct 28, 2014
enashley13
Yesterday
Nigerian - I have always felt like an outcast - Wisconsin Unnoticed essay

3 - I believe that you can also use this essay for your central identity prompt but you will have to make some...

UndergraduateDapocalypse7 - Oct 29, 2014
vangiespen
Yesterday
Born and bred in Nepal, I am familiar to myriad diseases people fall prey to all year round

8 - Born and bred in Nepal, which is a small and economically poor country, I grew up highly familiar with the illnesses...

Undergraduatesuvekcha19 - Oct 30, 2014
suvekcha19
Yesterday
Integrating my love for biology and engineering - Which Department in MIT?

1 - I like the content of your first essay, it shows your passion in the field you mentioned. However, you need to...

Undergraduatestarlinks - Oct 30, 2014
melramadhani
Yesterday
'sitting on the steps of the Low Memorial Library' - Columbia University essay

5 - I just remembered an anecdote that would connect architecture and my desire for liberal arts! (with your help) Thanks so much....

Undergraduatesenpenguin - Oct 29, 2014
senpenguin
Oct 30, 2014
"choose career you love, and you'll never have to work a day in your life" - FIT admission essay

4 - thank you so much!

Undergraduateryleeclark - Oct 23, 2014
heyitsrylee
Oct 30, 2014
For the past 10 years of my life, I have been deeply involved with my district's 4-H Program

1 - - I feel that this paragraph can be omitted in favor of the next one which is more important since...

Undergraduatearfieldsy - Oct 30, 2014
vangiespen
Oct 30, 2014
I had never expected that Economics would become my dream major - UIUC essay

3 - A few sentences of whole paragraphs about it, either way will work. What is important is that you are able to...

Undergraduatekkkkkrypton - Oct 30, 2014
vangiespen
Oct 30, 2014
The word "Ethiopian" over the years have been manipulated to mean so many things nowadays

5 - i really don't know which parts to shorten but i understand it being too long and cutting out unnecessary parts also...

UndergraduateMismak17 - Oct 27, 2014
Mismak17
Oct 30, 2014
The sky flamed like an overripe mango; vivid reds and oranges spilling into the horizon.

2 - Sarah, I agree with Shannon in this case. You just need to revise the introduction to the paragraph. I know that...

Undergraduatesingah - Oct 30, 2014
vangiespen
Oct 30, 2014
If I'd follow the path of what society thinks about ways to become successful, I would fail.

3 - That was the prompt i followed but i didnt follow it all the way if you know what i mean i...

Undergraduateqweralokd - Oct 30, 2014
qweralokd
Oct 30, 2014
Essay on swimming - it's part of my life - Babson

7 - Louisa, thanks for helping me with this! Below is my final version. I've always thought that being short and...

UndergraduateCharphil - Oct 28, 2014
Charphil
Oct 30, 2014
Success is not far-reaching for those who pursue their goals until they will achieve it

2 - Hamed, sorry about not having gotten back to you sooner. I have been a bit busy these days and your posts...

Undergraduatehamedmas - Oct 27, 2014
vangiespen
Oct 30, 2014
Patience, dedication and motivation are three traits I stand by.

6 - Attached on merging: Building Traits - patience, dedication and motivation are three characteristics I stand by I am applying...

Undergraduatecson722 - Oct 27, 2014
cson722
Oct 30, 2014
Home is Where Honduras is - some things are best when together - my goal and passion

4 - Hey Andrew, Your essay looks fine and I really liked the ending. However, as I read through it, it sounded...

UndergraduateAndrewT97 - Oct 29, 2014
Charphil
Oct 30, 2014
Leaving everyone I know in my small circle of friends and family (in Egypt)

3 - In my opinion, you should not include the part where Cyber Security is highly sought out by employers. I do not...

UndergraduateMrfuzz - Oct 30, 2014
AndrewT97
Oct 30, 2014
For the past 17 years of painful transitions I have gained great understanding of different cultures

2 - I can't thank you enough for your detailed and well developed feedback and I agree with you on most of the...

UndergraduateMrfuzz - Oct 30, 2014
Mrfuzz
Oct 30, 2014
Self realization - satisfaction breeds complacency and propels the mindset of mediocrity

5 - you are a genius

Undergraduatenanaakosah - Oct 29, 2014
nanaakosah
Oct 30, 2014
MIT Supplements: Culture/Activity for Pleasure/Department/Attribute/Challenge

4 - I rewrote my essays. If anyone is willing to give me feedback, I am more than happy to return the favor....

Undergraduatecollegeplease - Oct 23, 2014
collegeplease
Oct 30, 2014
Let your life speak! Living in Saudi Arabia I became accustomed to acting with stoic reservation

1 - Danah, since you have written you want to be a doctor, univeristies may enroll you as a medical freshman, but I...

UndergraduateDanah96 - Oct 30, 2014
kkkkkrypton
Oct 30, 2014
Life Amidst Death - Saturdays in the garden are my weekly treasures (Common App prompt 4)

4 - This is a beautiful essay, definitely shows that you're such an ardent wordsmith. Just a minor grammatical error : Good...

Undergraduatelightjade - Oct 29, 2014
melramadhani
Oct 30, 2014
Half of a Whole (death of twin brother) Personal Statement

2 - Mireya, this is a very good topic for your Central ID essay. However, I feel that there is in imbalance in...

Undergraduatemirrrrr - Oct 29, 2014
vangiespen
Oct 29, 2014
The decision of what career I would like to pursue is a very difficult and stressful time for me

5 - i like the humorous route you were trying to go with but I think it could be re-worded differently. Also,...

Undergraduatetm71207 - Oct 27, 2014
mirrrrr
Oct 29, 2014
"vegetarian manner of living would most beneficially influence the lot of mankind" Ignorance = Bliss

2 - Rebecca, this is not an essay that answers the prompt. You are being asked to address an issue that affects you...

Undergraduatebeccagrapevines - Oct 29, 2014
vangiespen
Oct 29, 2014
"A life marked by a high standard of living" - The Good Life Essay for University of Florida

1 - I really like your concept about the good life just being life. However, you have some grammar issues and I think...

UndergraduateDJ2015 - Oct 29, 2014
mirrrrr
Oct 29, 2014
My first job at a fast food restaurant in an amusement park when I truly began to mature

8 - Thank you so much everyone!!

Undergraduatedumbnerd123 - Oct 26, 2014
dumbnerd123
Oct 29, 2014
'I spent plenty of time watching television' - your major and your school; why did you choose it?

2 - - Danyal, for this portion of the essay, you would do well to mention a specific program or movie that...

UndergraduateSire - Oct 29, 2014
vangiespen
Oct 29, 2014
"Do what you love"; "what do I love to do though?" -- my family

7 - Thank you so much for the help, I really appreciate it!

Undergraduatejayj - Oct 25, 2014
jayj
Oct 29, 2014
'I have learnt to draw a distinction between passion and interest' - Agriculture and Life Sciences

3 - Hi Yung Ming, Thanks for your input in my thread! I think you can post up your revised edits...

Undergraduatemyming - Oct 29, 2014
lightjade
Oct 29, 2014
'the amenities the school has to offer' - University of North Carolina Wilmington

2 - OH crap. I accidentally cut off the end.. here is the continuation "... as a result of my...

Undergraduatebeccagrapevines - Oct 29, 2014
beccagrapevines
Oct 29, 2014
I make "to do" lists (I love organization) - UVA essay on Quirks

3 - Very creative. Where you say "English Essay: done, cross that off. " and "Thank you note: written, scratch through that...

Undergraduateannelb97 - Oct 29, 2014
beccagrapevines
Oct 29, 2014
"Across the Bridge" Prompt 1 Central ID Story - Common APP essay

2 - Hello Martinez, I must say you put my school-changing background to shame with 73 schools! I won't be commenting on the...

UndergraduateMartinez - Oct 29, 2014
lightjade
Oct 29, 2014
Fixing connectedness - UM Pre-Essay

1 - M. Riley, your first essay is quite good. However, the idea of teaching at Sunday school depicts an image of you...

UndergraduateUMhopeful - Oct 29, 2014
vangiespen
Oct 29, 2014
I cannot wait to proudly call myself a member of the Ram family. VCU Admission Essay

1 - Kobina, I have some notes for you to consider regarding your essay. These are important so please take note of them...

Undergraduaterg33gr - Oct 29, 2014
vangiespen
Oct 29, 2014
Design an academic course Emory Prompt 1 essay

6 - thank you so much for your comments and advise it was extremely helpful

UndergraduateMismak17 - Oct 28, 2014
Mismak17
Oct 29, 2014
This journey isn't a simple road trip that you sometimes get lost in - UF APPLICATION

4 - So can I use both my journey through life so far lead up to as why I think of a concept...

Undergraduatetrinity1 - Oct 26, 2014
trinity1
Oct 29, 2014
ITT Entrance Essay - "What subjects inspire you?"

1 - Danyal, the essay is asking you to discuss an academic area that inspires you. In this case, the academic area you...

UndergraduateSire - Oct 29, 2014
vangiespen
Oct 29, 2014
Large, swivelly computer chair in front of my laptop, headphones on, glass of milk - it's my place

2 - Thanks for the feedback! Will make that change.

Undergraduatemongy910 - Oct 29, 2014
mongy910
Oct 29, 2014
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