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Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays

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This game redefined the online play and has enormous impact to the life of youth - World of Warcraft

NEW - Impact of the World of Warcraft If we attempt to...

UndergraduateBingtaof - Yesterday
"Psychology wasn't my first choice" - UC transfer personal statement

3 - Deftpunk, WELCOME to Essayforum Family!!! Here's my help on your application. - To tell the truthHonestly, Psychology wasn't my...

UndergraduateDeftpunk - Jun 26, 2015
justivy03
Jun 28, 2015
I was enthralled by the things I saw in the USA for the first time in my life - Personal Statement

3 - Thenewimmigrant, first of all WELCOME to EsaayForum, it's always a pleasure to have yet another member of the growing EF Family....

UndergraduateThenewimmigrant - Jun 26, 2015
justivy03
Jun 28, 2015
Regretful moment when you chose not to speak up

3 - Thank for your help! Thanks a lot!

UndergraduateAvyrene - Jun 27, 2015
Avyrene
Jun 27, 2015
I do believe in the evolution theory which may contrast with my religion voices - personal statement

3 - Thanks so much!

Undergraduateesahn9405 - Jun 25, 2015
esahn9405
Jun 27, 2015
Why go to university? A great environment for us to learn and grow up.

3 - Water Buffalo, I think wadpk had some great suggestions for you. I'm going to add to his/her assessment by making some...

UndergraduateWater Buffalo - Jun 27, 2015
ChristineB
Jun 27, 2015
The recipe for NYU, a missing ingredient which bring back this school on track to its future success

4 - Thank you both! I'm going to revise the essay with your suggestions :)

Undergraduategiasilahian - Jun 25, 2015
giasilahian
Jun 26, 2015
Notre Dame 'good story' essay: 150 eye-catching words.

3 - -A shame, really, to transition from pansophical I'm not sure what you'd like to say but I'm guessing you want to...

Undergraduateodall9876 - Jun 21, 2015
justivy03
Jun 23, 2015
English is a key to open the door to the outside world - essay with reasons why learn this language.

5 - I agree with @justivy03 but I think you still need some other corrections: - betweenamong countries - many foreign...

Undergraduateennyug - Jun 13, 2015
vtnmai
Jun 22, 2015
The job you like when you finish your education.

4 - Of all the jobs I have known, marketing is perhaps the best one I think about after my graduation. Although...

Undergraduateennyug - Jun 15, 2015
vtnmai
Jun 22, 2015
Georgetown Extracurricular- Choral Transcendence

5 - hallo audpodz, i have some suggestion for your essay. your idea is good, but i suggest you to...

Undergraduateaudpodz - Jun 13, 2015
alif
Jun 14, 2015
TASK 2: Children are supposed to start their schools at the age of four

4 - {Children are easy to imitate what they notice from people's behavior.} Sorry, I do not see your main idea here are...

UndergraduateAdhisti - Jun 13, 2015
IqbalThemi
Jun 13, 2015
What can the study of animals tell us about ourselves and the world we live in? Improvements please.

5 - Thank you!

UndergraduateWaz147 - Jun 12, 2015
Waz147
Jun 13, 2015
Camden, a city of poverty, violence.. - PERSONAL STATEMENT

4 - Dear Jailene1026, have 1 note for you: Growing up in Camden, a city of poverty, violence, teen pregnancies made me...

UndergraduateJailene1026 - Jun 7, 2015
Anna Davis
Jun 11, 2015
Seeking admission to one of the best Computer Science undergraduate programs in India - SOP

4 - kaushal21, i think that in the first paragraph instead of which is to be a software engineer, you should write to...

Undergraduatekaushal21 - May 30, 2015
Anna Davis
Jun 11, 2015
Assignment about Culture Shock when you come to America.

5 - I have remembered remember the a day that I arrived in America at Detroit airport.

Undergraduatevchau254 - May 12, 2015
juanmarman
Jun 10, 2015
One thing I learned from our band - Dont be ugly Wallpaper - C. Gottesman 2015

6 - This is a poetic essay! Its very ready to read, and very enjoyable for its colorfullness. You could expand...

UndergraduateMayaAngelou - May 25, 2015
EF_Carol
Jun 8, 2015
My trip to the land of opportunities! I am not afraid of challenges anymore.

3 - Thanks a lot !

Undergraduatealialkhazragi - May 25, 2015
alialkhazragi
Jun 7, 2015
George Washington High School Drum Corps - personal quality, talent

4 - Hi, @hahaha Therefore, I led in a team of 15 freshmen and it was responsible to recruit new members, set...

Undergraduatehahaha - Nov 28, 2008
thutyedaniel
May 29, 2015
My most memorable holidays

3 - Hi, NatyAC. I'll also try to help you with your the grammar and word choice in your essay: My...

UndergraduateNatyAC - May 19, 2015
ChristineB
May 20, 2015
'Continuation of family legacy' - AUC, American University Of Cairo

2 - Hi, islamtorky. I like the upbeat vibe I get from your essay - it'll put a smile on the admission...

Undergraduateislamtorky - May 19, 2015
ChristineB
May 19, 2015
'my Filipino ethnicity' - Culture and a Central Identity - CommonApp Essay

4 - Well, NJ, the prompt is asking for a story that you just did, you gave them what they ask for so...

UndergraduateNJBorst - May 17, 2015
justivy03
May 19, 2015
Biology and the single child in my Chinese Family; The world I come from

2 - I have made some suggestions. I looked at each sentence and paragraph to see what changes needed to be made. Hopefully,...

Undergraduatett6746690 - Oct 30, 2013
lcturn87
May 18, 2015
Resiliency is something I've had to learn quickly growing up

2 - JenniferB, The fundamentals of your essay are great. You've selected some very big challenges to highlight your resiliency, and...

UndergraduateJenniferB - May 17, 2015
ChristineB
May 17, 2015
The breakout of the civil war - the time my life has changed

3 - thanks jasmine for the corrections and the advice. it is good to know your weaknesses so that you can work on...

Undergraduatelee boy - May 13, 2015
lee boy
May 14, 2015
How I became interested in becoming a Physician Assistant-Saint Francis application essay

2 - - Rephrasing last 2 sentences; This experience furthered my interest in becoming a Physician Assistant because of the ability to...

Undergraduatemadilyn123 - Oct 31, 2013
justivy03
May 13, 2015
The beauty in numbers like the beauty in art frames - Texas A&M Transfer Essay A

2 - - We all live in society and we must give back or better saying:should I say "do our share". -...

UndergraduateAlexMenendez - May 10, 2015
justivy03
May 10, 2015
'Going The Extra Mile' - Sophie Davis Essay #1

2 - I am new to UnderGrad Essays but one thing I learned is: The Admission Committee asks the essay so they can...

Undergraduateegpctim - Jan 8, 2012
AlexMenendez
May 10, 2015
What is the distinctness between a traditional Vietnamese family and a modern one?

3 - @lcturn87 thank you so much

Undergraduatepnanh - May 7, 2015
pnanh
May 7, 2015
Peace Corps Volunteer Essay Statement; how to overcome the various challenges associated?

3 - Thank you for the feedback and corrections @confusee123!

UndergraduateBlack_Beauty381 - May 5, 2015
Black_Beauty381
May 6, 2015
I discovered the core of strength within myself that survived all hurt. My childhood.

4 - I had to rearrange you paragraphs again, because adding the other information about the neighborhood should not be placed towards the...

Undergraduatesherricecharles - May 1, 2015
lcturn87
May 2, 2015
The high school students should work because it provides priceless experiences in work and life

7 - Thank you for taking the time to read my comments Christine, and I do sincerely appreciate how you read my words...

Undergraduatekibz95 - Apr 28, 2015
kibz95
May 1, 2015
My uncommon path - I'm ready to return to UCF now

4 - Continued... After my disqualification in 2012, I got married, and, with the help of my dear husband, slowly began to...

Undergraduatebluefleed - Apr 30, 2015
ChristineB
Apr 30, 2015
Nowadays, it cannot be avoided that the number of people gets the weight increase in many countries

6 - [Link / Image / Video / Quote]

UndergraduateAdhisti - Apr 29, 2015
IqbalThemi
Apr 30, 2015
'My friend forever' - give some words about someone you know well

3 - He is twenty eight years old and he belongs to Muslim family, but I have never felt like that he is...

Undergraduateamit agrawal - Apr 29, 2015
Adhisti
Apr 29, 2015
"Why do you choose Pharmacy?" - Personal Statement for Monash Uni

3 - Thank you so much, ChristineB. Your correction really helps me while editing my personal statement.

UndergraduateGiantonia - Apr 27, 2015
Giantonia
Apr 28, 2015
'joining the band as a percussionist' - it is how I solved my conflict

4 - I had always been very interested in playing percussive instruments and many people, including myself, would consider music my forte. Immediately...

Undergraduatenotblake - Apr 26, 2015
Kikiki
Apr 27, 2015
"the world gets a lot bigger when you're living small" - Peace Corps Essay

2 - I think you did a good job summing up your experience that would make you good candidate. Your work with...

Undergraduatetempledc - Apr 25, 2015
EF_Carol
Apr 26, 2015
Acceptance to my dream career. I am extremely excited and ready for this new chapter in my family.

3 - Thank you so much. I missed all those small mistakes to make the essay a lot smoother. I am extremely grateful...

Undergraduateperlamartinez5 - Apr 23, 2015
perlamartinez5
Apr 23, 2015
I AM A LEADER - it's my best trait

3 - I think you should add more or state specific examples. When I read this, I think that you have positive qualities...

Undergraduatetonythatrican - Apr 23, 2015
lcturn87
Apr 23, 2015
UC Davis' resources and research opportunities will give me a solid foundation in programming.

2 - Upon looking at UC Davis site, you can see what the campus has to offer. There is a video where former...

UndergraduateGModesto - Apr 22, 2015
lcturn87
Apr 22, 2015
Is cheating wrong? Quotes of Sophocles and Susannah Centlivre

2 - Therefore, is cheating acceptable as just a normal way of life or is it plain out wrong and never justified?...

UndergraduateKprizzy - Apr 22, 2015
EF_Carol
Apr 22, 2015
The public library (contemporary issue/problem) Richmond Scholar Semifinalist essay

2 - 1) 1st paragraph: I think there is too much information in the second sentence. Although there is little that you have to...

Undergraduatebeccaleelee - Jan 16, 2011
lcturn87
Apr 20, 2015
SVA Statement of Intent - Getting out of the Shadows

7 - Okay here's my revised letter, I know my ending is kind of rocky. I'd appreciate some help with writing a better...

Undergraduatethebadguy - Apr 16, 2015
thebadguy
Apr 19, 2015
Combination of intellectual and professional growth; Vassar Colleg Supp/Why Vassar?

2 - Hi, orlaendoe. Here are my corrections to your essay: HOW DID YOU LEARN ABOUT VASSAR AND WHAT ASPECTS OF...

Undergraduateorlaendoe - Dec 26, 2012
ChristineB
Apr 19, 2015
'When it comes to education I am serious.' Benefits From The American University of Cairo.

2 - When it comes to education I am serious, I have been working hard since I was a little kid to get...

Undergraduateahmedazmy92 - Jan 11, 2014
justivy03
Apr 18, 2015
Why do you wish to study Computer Science? What influenced your decision?

4 - Hi Kimtot, I have several comments and suggestions for you. The digital age has come upon us. Someday, we...

Undergraduatekimtot - Apr 17, 2015
intiaiqbal92
Apr 17, 2015
My future goals - what to do in the future is a decision for the rest of our life

6 - I am very grateful. Thank you for your coments!!

Undergraduatefederica15 - Apr 15, 2015
federica15
Apr 17, 2015
A simple engineering admission essay . AUC: What would you benefit from studying in our university.

3 - Since my childhood when i was child, I have been passionate about machines as well as structures?. Because of this, I...

UndergraduateAmahrous - Apr 14, 2015
MuhammadImho
Apr 15, 2015
Hamid-ur-Rehamn ; Common App/ Person who had influence

2 - I'm going to help you with your paper paragraph by paragraph in order. 1st paragraph: Put just a after...

UndergraduateAryanK - Dec 30, 2012
lcturn87
Apr 14, 2015
What does it mean to be cultured? Texas A&M essay

2 - In the end of an essay you should avoid giving examples again. I think this is why there is so much...

UndergraduateJstuff36 - Nov 26, 2011
lcturn87
Apr 13, 2015
'Leaving home at the age of 16' - Common App Essay

3 - Change your tense. You are speaking in the past. Change have never to never and will to would. If you describe...

Undergraduateverca - Sep 2, 2012
lcturn87
Apr 13, 2015
Where is Waldo Really - CU Essay requirement.

2 - Odgie, Kindly find my help below; So what is Waldo really? The universal game of 'Where's Waldo' continues to...

UndergraduateOdgie - Dec 27, 2012
justivy03
Apr 13, 2015
Maroon and Grey - "two page descriptive essay of a place without using I"

2 - 1st paragraph: Do you have to use the words maroon and grey in this essay? Place a comma between ratty hole...

Undergraduatejricha - Apr 12, 2015
lcturn87
Apr 12, 2015
Chemistry, politics, and art have sparked my interests; U Michigan/ Curriculum & Interests

2 - Hi, Kindly find my help below; Prompt: Describe the unique qualities that attract you to the specific undergraduate College...

UndergraduateAminiN - Nov 1, 2013
justivy03
Apr 10, 2015
Crime in Mexico - some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern

3 - Hi @animber..I think there are many grammatical issues and misspelling. This I have several corrections for you....

Undergraduateanimber - Apr 8, 2015
intiaiqbal92
Apr 9, 2015
Staying in one place and living in different area.

4 - Basically, people want to live in the most comfortable zone.This beginning is somehow bizarre. Remember the more informative your essay is,...

Undergraduateintiaiqbal92 - Apr 8, 2015
Vns9x
Apr 8, 2015
Reed offers variety and exposure - and that's what made me a great scholar, not specialization

2 - I think this is a very creative essay on stating why you want to go to Reed College. Much of it...

UndergraduatePegasus - Apr 3, 2015
lcturn87
Apr 6, 2015
My strenghts are: self-motivation, analytical mind and a strong-work ethic - who am I as a person?

2 - The first two sentences are weakness and strengths because you are trying to figure out who you are but you are...

Undergraduatededeebabi101 - Apr 5, 2015
lcturn87
Apr 6, 2015
My mom put a lot of effort teaching me manners, how to be respectful, determinant and full of life.

3 - Thanks for your respond Alina ... I'm Admitting to to the "University of the people" and this is one of the...

Undergraduatemanar21abc - Apr 5, 2015
manar21abc
Apr 6, 2015
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