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Undergraduate


Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays.
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Harmony in all aspects of life matters to me - Stanford

2 - What matters to you, and why? Harmony in all aspects of life matters to me. Harmony is tuning of...

Undergraduatepeperoniz - Oct 23, 2014
peperoniz
01:11am
Common app - How has your story defined you?

1 - In the beginning, I think you should start with " There were constant battles.." and end that paragraph with your first...

UndergraduateRawrKiwiz - Yesterday
peperoniz
01:09am
Waste Management Archaeology; Common Application Essay First Draft: Background Story Central to Life

1 - I really like this essay! Just as suggestion, but maybe you could cut down on some of the early parts of...

Undergraduateas1234 - Oct 23, 2014
peperoniz
01:04am
relationships, brotherhood, environment - Three main advantages for living in a small community

2 - Everything is great. However, in order to perfect your essay then you have to discuss about living in the city more....

UndergraduateTHANHDANG - Oct 23, 2014
Vns9x
12:40am
Travelling back to my past - Stanford

NEW - Hello, I'm an international student, applying to Stanford. So this is my personal essay. Deadline is Nov 1. Is it too...

Undergraduatehaliunsora - Yesterday
common app prompt 2

NEW - When It was announced that the basketball team was recruiting players, I felt I should not waste my height so I...

Undergraduateolaitan16 - Yesterday
a personal quirk is a part of who you are; supplemental essay

1 - This is an excellent start. I have gone through your essay, and I think you may be closer to the required...

Undergraduatenicolezmh1997 - Yesterday
Lucy2457
Yesterday
"A competitive problem solver" - Georgetown MSB Supplement

NEW - Prompt: Discuss the factors that have influenced your interest in studying business. A doctor, a teacher-no, an astronaut. Like most...

Undergraduateiitsjenna - Yesterday
Penn M&T Supplement Essay - Robotics, Business, and Engineering

5 - Thank you so much! :)

Undergraduatehmay - Oct 22, 2014
hmay
Yesterday
I believe in laughter. Stanford Supplement Essay

4 - Wow, thank you all for your insightful advice and your praise! I really appreciate you reading my essay. I have edited...

UndergraduateLucy2457 - Oct 23, 2014
Lucy2457
Yesterday
SPEECH CONTEST "Seeing is not believing"

NEW - I'm going to attend a speech competition the day after tomorrow, but i don't know how to write the topic of...

UndergraduateYE ZI - Yesterday
My Best Worst Experience - Summer Camp Abroad (alone) at the age of 8. -- Common App Personal Essay

1 - This is good! I would run it through spell check because I noticed a couple typos. I think your essay would...

Undergraduatesalmaelazhary - Yesterday
swdasa
Yesterday
Challenging Religion to Become a Better Person (I'm 50 words over the limit)

2 - Thanks! My biggest issue is the word count so I'm going to have to work on condensing some parts. I'm well...

Undergraduateswdasa - Yesterday
swdasa
Yesterday
MIT - "Something you do for the pleasure of it"

NEW - We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something...

Undergraduateashluu - Yesterday
UCHICAGO Essay - DARK SKY, ROOFTOP, AND A CUP OF WARM CHOCOLATE

1 - wow...After reading your essay, I realize that as a foreigner, I really couldn't understand some phrases and expression. Maybe native speakers...

Undergraduatealiefmoulana - Yesterday
nicolezmh1997
Yesterday
The Ranch - the land is in full bloom with dahlias and tulips leave colorful spots in the green

NEW - The land is in full bloom with dahlias and tulips leave colorful spots in the green. Flowers and trees adorn the...

Undergraduatemrinalnag - Yesterday
The silence was deafening. Tennis court - Common App Essay

3 - This is very good liomio..but take Lucy's advice,and your essay will be polished.I think you're a good writer.Can you just help...

Undergraduateliomio - Oct 23, 2014
Atom007
Yesterday
My Father's Dedication - my values and principles were altered because of him

2 - There are a lot of grammatical errors you should watch out for. e.g here are some suggestions: Growing up...

Undergraduatemelramadhani - Oct 23, 2014
Dapocalypse7
Yesterday
"Observe the Global Warming " - An intellectual experience. Dartmouth supplement

3 - Adding personal experience is a good tactic. In your conclusion try to incorporate your teacher. What part does it...

Undergraduatedominic_jiang - Oct 23, 2014
RawrKiwiz
Yesterday
My Mothers Accident- A Common Application

1 - [Link / Image / Video / Quote]

UndergraduateKarlyC - Yesterday
aliefmoulana
Yesterday
Komunitas Jendela - Explanation of Gap Year (COMMONAPP)

NEW - Please use the space below to provide details of the applicable situation (interrupted education for gap year). You may enter up...

Undergraduatealiefmoulana - Yesterday
Campus Construction - Renovation of the UET Peshawar building

1 - To guarantee qualitative improvement of UET Peshawar building, all departments' buildings will be renovated within 3 years, so that the external...

UndergraduateMudassir - Oct 23, 2014
aliefmoulana
Yesterday
"Taipei Tokyo, how can I help you" - Inside my parent's take-out restaurant - Common App

23 - can you help me make it flow better? I feel like it is not very well written for some reason. What...

Undergraduateorangecoolatta - Oct 19, 2014
orangecoolatta
Yesterday
Fascinated by accredited computer science program / Nigeria - Syracuse University essays

2 - I made some revisions to the first essay: 1. Who or what influenced you to apply to Syracuse University? In...

UndergraduateDapocalypse7 - Yesterday
Dapocalypse7
Yesterday
"Where are you from?" I have never been able to answer easily - Computer Science Common Application

1 - Good essay but you made a few grammatical errors: foreign language speaking (French and Spanish) speaking foreign languages (french...

Undergraduatesandershihacker - Yesterday
Dapocalypse7
Yesterday
Family of doctor and geophysicist - international student/ penn state personal statement

2 - Thank you for the help

UndergraduateDapocalypse7 - Oct 23, 2014
Dapocalypse7
Yesterday
"choose career you love, and you'll never have to work a day in your life" - FIT admission essay

1 - While I was growing up As a kid, Mention the name of the game. In this game...

Undergraduateryleeclark - Oct 23, 2014
collegeplease
Yesterday
MIT Supplements: Culture/Activity for Pleasure/Department/Attribute/Challenge

3 - Thank you for the feedback! Really appreciate it!

Undergraduatecollegeplease - Oct 23, 2014
collegeplease
Yesterday
"Eat Veggies, Not Friends" - Vegan Roommate - Stanford Essay (Supplement)

2 - I enjoyed reading your essay. If I woke you up at 4 AM, and asked you to tell me one thing...

UndergraduateLucy2457 - Oct 19, 2014
arp
Yesterday
The Death of Ivan Ilyich; UVA supplement

6 - Dear Vangiespen, I find that your suggestion is quite inspiring. However, I could not fully understand what you mean by "The...

Undergraduatenicolezmh1997 - Oct 17, 2014
nicolezmh1997
Oct 23, 2014
industrial and interaction design / grown man who is doing what he loves - Syracuse Questions

2 - Thanks so much for the help, I am reading yours now!

UndergraduateKevstevbot - Oct 21, 2014
Kevstevbot
Oct 23, 2014
It all started with a joke - common app

14 - Thanks for your prompt reply, Vangiespen! However, I felt the conclusion is too strong on the country parts. Because what i...

Undergraduatefionaleeeee - Oct 14, 2014
fionaleeeee
Oct 23, 2014
No Goodbye - I had to accept the inevitable occurrence and move on with life - Commonapp

1 - This is great writing, above.. I like it! The gear that had suffered in every way. I...

UndergraduateAllotey - Oct 23, 2014
EF_Kevin
Oct 23, 2014
When does narrative cross into wordiness?

1 - Hah! This is good writing.. You say narrative can stray or be too wordy, but it's never...

UndergraduateHan1 - Oct 22, 2014
EF_Kevin
Oct 23, 2014
College of Arts and Sciences, School of Nursing, The Wharton School, Penn Engineering; school choice

NEW - Hello I am applying to UPenn and would like for someone to review my essay for any corrections and or improvements....

Undergraduateabubakir1997 - Oct 23, 2014
I have got a Common App essay - it need to be checked

1 - Jack, you don;t understand how this forum works. This is an open and public place where you can post your individual...

Undergraduateyummydonut - Oct 22, 2014
vangiespen
Oct 23, 2014
Going outside my "bubble" - Common App Essay

1 - I see two friends wave at me from inside the ( change it to a room ) room, urging me...

Undergraduateeugene_611925 - Oct 23, 2014
bratt99
Oct 23, 2014
'Medical Spelling and Medical Reading - topics I studied constantly'; Accelerated Health Professions

2 - At the moment I walked into the biology lab in 10th grade, I knew I wanted to stay there. Most of...

UndergraduateIHaile - Oct 22, 2014
IHaile
Oct 23, 2014
Being the only South Asian child in the australian neighborhood - USF UNDERGRADUATE COLLEGE ESSAY

6 - Firstly , well done! Secondly, attempt utilizing more academic vocabulary instead of using get , good, bad...

Undergraduateshamrazaman - Oct 19, 2014
Vns9x
Oct 23, 2014
The sights! The smells! The sounds! The atmosphere! - VCU admission essay

3 - I agree with the above statement. Northern Virginia, and that's experiences. Making experience, making ins and...

UndergraduateAmirahxr - Oct 22, 2014
collegeplease
Oct 23, 2014
"A dreamer" - Personal essay about directions for the future

10 - Sorry for the extremely late reply :( I have been busy with my IB Course work. Anyways, thank You for...

Undergraduatecommunity - Oct 6, 2014
community
Oct 23, 2014
"What do you want to become in the future?" Anything but Engineering

4 - Marky8, thank you so much for ALL of these sweeeeet grammar checks and comments! Yes they are definitely helping. You make...

Undergraduatedowotyyyyy - Oct 22, 2014
dowotyyyyy
Oct 22, 2014
College Essay - "Please, I need to go find my parents. My dad is looking for me"

2 - thanks! I really appreciate it

Undergraduate16chauc - Oct 14, 2014
16chauc
Oct 22, 2014
"Oh, you got that grade cause you're Asian" - Challenging a belief or idea

5 - Thank you so much! I definitely need to add more to the conclusion and change the passive voice....it's a bad habit...

Undergraduateestherh - Oct 21, 2014
estherh
Oct 22, 2014
Helping a Friend with Anorexia - UC Prompt #1/Cornell CALS Supplement

8 - I agree with the previous commentators that the essay should focus more around you. Your revision definitely has brought it closer...

Undergraduatedumbnerd123 - Oct 11, 2014
hmay
Oct 22, 2014
Public speaking was never my forte. Disappointment and Failure of a school assignment.

3 - Hi Andrew, in answer to your question, yes, there are grammar corrections to be fixed in the essay and I marked...

UndergraduateHumanMan - Oct 19, 2014
vangiespen
Oct 22, 2014
Almost dead - A ruff lesson

15 - Alina, rejection from colleges and universities does not always happen because of a lack of writing skills. There are other factors...

UndergraduateAlinaSkripets - Oct 18, 2014
vangiespen
Oct 22, 2014
'I left my junior year confused, slightly out of touch with reality' - Mary Washington essay

2 - I think you have a great start , but I also believe that you should go further into why the institute...

Undergraduaterestinpizza - Oct 22, 2014
Amirahxr
Oct 22, 2014
As I progressed through Fur Elise, I reflected on everything that had happened in the past months.

1 - Your topic is a little ambiguous. What was happening at the beginning of the essay? Maybe focus on a particular moment...

Undergraduatemayradio0508 - Oct 22, 2014
rarghal
Oct 22, 2014
Legos -- MIT Significant Challenge Essay

1 - Hi Dibya! It's a very good essay. Through this essay I can see your interest on biology and your problem-solving...

Undergraduatedjgvolt - Oct 21, 2014
dominic_jiang
Oct 22, 2014
My dad's journey to his new liver - it has inspired and shaped me into the person I am today.

2 - I think you should give less background info and write more on how the experience affected you and show how it...

UndergraduateKelley - Oct 21, 2014
mayradio0508
Oct 22, 2014
I grew up to become an adolescent who had fallen deeply in love with science - Reasons & Objectives

2 - Thank you very much for your help and ositive feedback. I will work on the point mentioned. ;-)

Undergraduatemarky8 - Oct 20, 2014
marky8
Oct 22, 2014
UNIVERSITY COLORADO BOULDER. (How you could increase our diverse and inclusive community?)

1 - They think your essay is great, you seemed to briefly address each aspect. Your story is very important, as your experience...

UndergraduateCaptainCook - Oct 22, 2014
fordeja1
Oct 22, 2014
"Remains of War: Capitalists. Communists. War." - Common App Essay

2 - thank you for your input i will consider adding that to my essay!

Undergraduateegn711 - Oct 19, 2014
egn711
Oct 21, 2014
Life in Pictures and Shapes - Common App Essay

3 - Thanks!

Undergraduatefwei15 - Oct 21, 2014
takeyuki13
Oct 21, 2014
'I hate trade-offs': why Barnard?

1 - I like your essay! However, the beginning "first and foremost, I would require more than 250 words," sounds a bit strange...

Undergraduatemgirl - Oct 21, 2014
estherh
Oct 21, 2014
My stay at a boarding school in Eastern Nigeria (a symbol of my coming of age)

8 - Thank you for the feedback. Do you have any other suggestions?

Undergraduatejjj90 - Oct 17, 2014
jjj90
Oct 21, 2014
uf admissions essay, my notion of 'the good life'

5 - Attached on merging: REVISED UF undergraduate essay 'the good life' Four years ago, I received the news from my...

UndergraduateKsinger - Oct 20, 2014
Ksinger
Oct 21, 2014
'I represented my country at the highest level' - University of California Prompt

1 - in the third paragraph you may give some examples, but I like it.

UndergraduateCaptainCook - Oct 20, 2014
gbekil
Oct 21, 2014
I have become best friends with a stationary saw - I feel great working on my tiny house.

3 - Thank you so much for your feedback! I have applied some of the things you mentioned. Also, I did not mean...

UndergraduateLucy2457 - Oct 19, 2014
Lucy2457
Oct 21, 2014
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