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Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays.
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Georgetown Transfer Essay: Asian American Identity Crisis (Also can't think of a witty closer)

4 - Hello dendenkim, pretty good essay but as EF_Sheri said do not over use the humor on your essay otherwise you might...

Undergraduatedendenkim - Feb 25, 2015
That day was shocking to many people, everything happened so slowly

3 - Good Luck!!

Undergraduatecmcontin - Yesterday
Reach an outstanding employment prospect to major financial institutions - liberal arts colleges

8 - It means a short introduction, such as a personal experience. BTW, I just posted my edited version, could you have a...

UndergraduateLoveNYU - Feb 28, 2015
Mar 1, 2015
Procrastination is a terrible, terrible technique for self induced anxiety. Would not recommend.

4 - Actually nevermind, just submitted my application. Thanks anyway! :)

Undergraduatedendenkim - Mar 1, 2015
Mar 1, 2015
My mom is my real teacher; "If you grow up what will you do?"

2 - Hello my edits and suggestions are below, One day my mom asked me,"If you grow up what will you do?"...

UndergraduateInaa_e - Mar 1, 2015
Mar 1, 2015
South Asian cultures typically emphasize that the only career choice for students is in medicine.

3 - Hello, my suggestions and edits are below: South Asian cultures typically emphasize that the only career choice for students is...

Undergraduatezasif326 - Feb 28, 2015
Mar 1, 2015
My first escapade in the realm of psychology was unintentional - UT Major Transfer Essay

2 - HI sousuke! I hope I'm not too late to help. I'm EF_Season. I'll respond now... Even if it is too late,...

Undergraduatesousuke - Feb 28, 2015
Mar 1, 2015
I see many opportunities to achieve my end goal of learning all I can. Brown Univ.

2 - As a woman who has just started experiencing the world, I see many opportunities to achieve my end goal of learning...

Undergraduatezasif326 - Feb 28, 2015
Mar 1, 2015
I am not afraid of the future anymore. I fell in love instantly with graphic design; admission essay

3 - thank you I revised it . thanks for the advice!

Undergraduatesardigt - Feb 28, 2015
Mar 1, 2015
Interest in particle physics lead me to decision to apply to University of Glasgow - transfer essay

2 - In the second class of high school (not exactly sure what this means, do you mean your second year of high...

UndergraduateShilay - Feb 28, 2015
Mar 1, 2015
Brown University carries my top choice of major: Development Studies.

8 - Great, good luck to you! One of our neighbors has a daughter who is attending Brown now and she loves...

Undergraduatezasif326 - Feb 28, 2015
Feb 28, 2015
It is agonizing to watch such a beautiful country crumble because of the rising violence. UT Austin.

3 - You have very good use of imagery; your essay was captivating throughout. I agree with TJLuschen's suggestions.

Undergraduateyoungfolk2 - Feb 27, 2015
Feb 28, 2015
"Your account has been deleted. We hope you come back soon," Facebook said

2 - This was an interesting read but also very generic and predictable. People know pretty much exactly what happens when someone deletes...

Undergraduateamei_mei - Feb 27, 2015
Feb 28, 2015
FROM 4 LEGS TO 2! How Veterinary medicine led me to Nursing.

3 - Wow! I appreciate your comments so much and agree with all of your edits. Thank you so much.

Undergraduatelelooloo - Feb 26, 2015
Feb 27, 2015
Where words or actions are not able to produce. Parsons The New School Artist Statement revision.

7 - I am not a native speaker, and I'm far from painting, so very carefully I'll try to discuss your essay....

UndergraduateWDantigua - Jan 29, 2015
Feb 27, 2015
No two persons ever read the same book - TEXAS A&M topic A essay

2 - id like to start by asking if you can provide the essay instructions so me or anyone in the forum can...

Undergraduatedwwiratama - Feb 26, 2015
Feb 26, 2015
College students and debt; financial aid, college expenses, work study and academics, students debt

2 - College students and debt is a timely topic and one in dire needs of more coverage. So, kudos on picking that...

Undergraduatebchris321 - Feb 25, 2015
Feb 26, 2015
the prestigious learning environment - Temple University's excellent resources

2 - Hello! My edits and revisions are below: When I think of Temple University, the aspect that (is the most impressive)...

UndergraduateRawoyera - Feb 26, 2015
Feb 26, 2015
'genetics is the subset of biology' - why Columbia? "Broadening scientific horizons"

2 - Hi junersol194! Yes, overall the response is great--only a few areas that can be improved. I've made suggestions below....

Undergraduatejungersol194 - Feb 24, 2015
Feb 26, 2015
Senioritis - a term used to describe the lack of motivation displayed by students

2 - i think you must consider carefully the right reason why you transfer then show those on your essay: for your future...

Undergraduateaikoashiya - Feb 25, 2015
Feb 25, 2015
Peace Corps Essay "Most Likely to Live in Another Country - 8th Grade Me"

2 - Hi macook3! I'm EF_Season and I'm here to help you with your essay today. First, I LOVE the way you began...

Undergraduatemacook3 - Feb 24, 2015
Feb 24, 2015
"I thrive where I am constantly inspired" - UT Austin TRANSFER APP - Lifelong friendships

6 - Thanks so much for your time again! I actually ended up shortening my essay quite a bit and removing unnecessary adjectives,...

UndergraduateAnumeha - Feb 21, 2015
Feb 24, 2015
Hospitality Entrance Essay - What Qualities needed to succeed.

3 - Thank you so much, this really really helped!

Undergraduateblah87 - Feb 23, 2015
Feb 24, 2015
Helping an Old Man; College Admissions- Better Person

2 - Hi there! Just to add some points I just got out of work one day (much better if you...

Undergraduatekgarneau21 - Sep 11, 2013
Feb 22, 2015
Having IT majors in bachelors taught me a lot of things about technology - SOP for MS IT

3 - Thanks alot sir

Undergraduatekhayamgondal - Feb 14, 2015
Feb 22, 2015
She stared at the mirror intently; CHALLENGE ESSAY

2 - The question is to state a challenging experience I have faced and explain what I have learned from it. This is...

Undergraduatedlwjd - Feb 15, 2014
Feb 21, 2015
'Over the metal door, there is a world of darkness and silence' - describe your place essay

3 - Thank you for your kind comment I wrote it meaning on the other side of the door

Undergraduatejeon - Feb 20, 2015
Feb 20, 2015
Shortcomings is not a limit / Geophysical Engineering - Student Conference Application

4 - Great job expanding on what you've learned! Just a quick tweak, and I think you'll be in good shape:...

Undergraduatemasktaz - Feb 20, 2015
Feb 20, 2015
I have learned not to give up, keep trying and learn from my mistakes

2 - I have learned I have learn that there is always a way to solve a problem. I have learned not to...

Undergraduatebillythegoat - Sep 5, 2013
Feb 19, 2015
I was working as a Supervisor of Information Unit in the training and community service center

3 - Thank you Dear Vns9x I updated your suggestions: "I am one of those who interested and aspiring to get...

Undergraduatesami201 - Feb 19, 2015
Feb 19, 2015
I was always taught to write what I know and put my experiences in a way others could relate to

4 - as far as i know, you can put a powerful quote (from an important figure) that relates to the essay and...

Undergraduatedisaacs38 - Feb 18, 2015
Feb 18, 2015
Bard College Berlin transfer - how becoming bilingual changed my life

2 - Hello! First, to answer your question about the length. If the minimum is 250 words, ideally I would try to keep...

Undergraduateseaweed77 - Feb 13, 2015
Feb 17, 2015
Embrace anything and everything - even unexpected

2 - Hello Dear, I would like to take the opportunity to provide you feedback on your answer. First of all, your response...

Undergraduatewonderland - Feb 15, 2015
Feb 17, 2015
Disappointment with an initial dream school, a dreary social life, homesickness, and pricey colleges

2 - Hi there! I think your essay was very good. You elaborate your reasons and objectives very well. As a licensed...

Undergraduatelacy - Feb 16, 2015
Feb 16, 2015
'I always perceive the grass was greener on the other side' - UW-Madison

2 - Overall, the tone of the essay is unlikely to resonate well with the person who will be reviewing. It comes across...

Undergraduatewertypoiuys - Feb 13, 2015
Feb 15, 2015
"Being different to make a difference"-U of Washington Int. Transfer Personal Statement

4 - This is the updated version of my essay, which is due tonight! Word count is now 977, a decrease of nearly...

Undergraduateanthonysw - Feb 4, 2015
Feb 15, 2015
The transition is frightening, really. However, I remain unchanged.

2 - I am not really sure how to help, since you are much higher than me as far as grade level, writing...

Undergraduatewonderland - Feb 14, 2015
Feb 15, 2015
"Inquiry and knowledge have always guided me..." - Queen's PSE Engineering

2 - "At Queen's University, I will expand upon these skills further inwith the help of my academic and extracurricular activities." "Whether...

Undergraduatejcamp - Feb 14, 2015
Feb 15, 2015
Becoming the Girl I've Always Wanted To Be--Common App Transfer Essay

2 - Your essay should have opening paragraph and ending one to show the readers what you want to say and how...

UndergraduateSparkle5506 - Feb 13, 2015
Feb 14, 2015
Switzerland is the place where I want to study. Study plan for Glion Higher School of Education.

2 - Hi, overall your essay sounded a little unorganized. You seem to go back and forth from topic to topic without...

UndergraduateSamSegal - Feb 11, 2015
Feb 14, 2015
Taekwondo has changed my life completely!

3 - Describe an activity, interest, experience, or achievements in your life (this could be a book, a movie, or an activity or...

Undergraduatemrdanny090 - Feb 10, 2015
Feb 14, 2015
Time is my biggest fear. It goes but never comes. It flies but never slows SCAD Statement of Purpose

2 - Your story is quite touching Davies. It is enough to tug on the heart strings of the admissions officers reviewing your...

UndergraduateSadieLady - Feb 13, 2015
Feb 13, 2015
My love of learning, exploration, and innovation. Transfer essay to Northeastern

3 - I think the answer to the first prompt needs to be more direct and focused on WHY you want to Transfer...

UndergraduateZakarh1 - Feb 7, 2015
Feb 13, 2015
A Responsible Citizen - Creative Personal Statement

5 - i think you should add the ending

Undergraduateaber96crombie - Feb 11, 2015
Feb 13, 2015
Everything started from computer for my eldest brother - My Devotion to technology

2 - Hi, I came recently to the U.S to live (6 months ago) and is really hard to be in your last...

UndergraduateMisael - Feb 11, 2015
Feb 11, 2015
Sparky - the friend that changes the way I perceive things. University of Wisconsin-Madison essay

3 - Alright, thanks for your honest opinion, I'm also hesitating whether to submit this essay or not, time to revamp the whole...

Undergraduatewertypoiuy - Feb 8, 2015
Feb 11, 2015
"You've got a great road ahead, sweetheart" - Transfer essays for MIT

3 - Thank you very much! I've edited the first one a bit: "You've got a great road ahead, sweetheart," my father told...

UndergraduateKaterynaPS - Feb 9, 2015
Feb 11, 2015
Why Don't I Have Baby Pictures? - essay about experience in my life

2 - Hi I enjoyed reading your essay :) and the following just represents my own opinion: On that Thursday morning, I...

UndergraduateDavieThao - Feb 9, 2015
Feb 11, 2015
Exploring the hills of Himalayas in the North to vast beaches of the south - undergraduate course

3 - Jennyflower81: thanks a lot...:)

Undergraduatehscmeinme - Feb 10, 2015
Feb 11, 2015
An Unbreakable Bond - the loss of a friend can destroy a life and change someone's perspective

3 - Thanks, I really appreciate it!

Undergraduateuhlizza - Feb 10, 2015
Feb 10, 2015
Be ambitious in my dreams and daring in my actions -- Queen's Commerce SE

3 - Hi Jennifer, I appreciate your suggestions very much!:) The thing is that I find it hard to describe the project with...

UndergraduateAnonymous630 - Feb 10, 2015
Feb 10, 2015
I was probably one of the most timid person in high school. UCLA Supplement Essay #2

2 - From reading this, you have an "OK" essay so far as to submit for your special circumstances. But if I were...

Undergraduatebbennett97 - Feb 8, 2015
Feb 9, 2015
It is an honor if I can give a hand to celebrate 100 years establishment ceremony of business school

4 - Hmm.. I think it's not helpful to say 'to many people' at the start. You can trim that away: As...

Undergraduatelnguyen67 - Feb 7, 2015
Feb 7, 2015
I'm particularly interested in quantum physics - Summer Science Program Short Answers

4 - Thank you so much!!!! Sorry to tag this thread as Graduate. This is actually an application for a high school summer...

Undergraduate970146hc - Feb 5, 2015
Feb 6, 2015
'early desire to visit beautiful places' - Study Abroad Personal Expectations, and why Hong Kong?

3 - Thank you Jenny! That was very helpful. After I made the changes you suggested, I also revamped the concluding paragraph of...

Undergraduatexnightly - Feb 3, 2015
Feb 6, 2015
My Father taught me the meaning of generosity, the importance of excellence and the value of honesty

3 - Hey Elith! Thank you for your feedback! I'll look into it and make the changes! Thank you!

UndergraduateBenzerk - Feb 5, 2015
Feb 5, 2015
Gymnastics and I - 'Lunch never failed to make my stomach ache with butterflies'

3 - Thank you so much! I really appreciate it.

Undergraduatesrose - Feb 3, 2015
Feb 4, 2015
Everyone has a strength and a weakness - a superpower (mine is perseverance) and a kryptonite

3 - You don't really provide support for your opening paragraph. I would recommend adding more specific examples....

Undergraduatemarissa - Jan 23, 2015
Feb 3, 2015
Making the world a better place, even for the underprivileged drives - why I chose this program?

5 - Thank you. Will work on it.

Undergraduatealiredha - Feb 2, 2015
Feb 3, 2015
Johns Hopkins additional essay: Why JHU? - because of it fame and its industrious envrionment

3 - Thank you for your last comment. I have just revised my essay. Please take a look Johns Hopkins University immediately impressed...

Undergraduatemyngoc311 - Jan 29, 2015
Feb 2, 2015
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