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Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays.
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Subject Last Reply
'joining the fire department as an emergency medical technician' - meaningful experience

4 - Thank you, SHanafi

UndergraduateMed - Aug 13, 2014
Med
02:41pm
I was told that I'm lucky to receive an education in America - USF college entrance essay

NEW - I am applying to The University of San Francisco. The prompt is: Please compose a one or two page essay about...

Undergraduatehari11296 - 01:59pm
"I'm just a circle" Common app essay, review desperate!

2 - Thank you! This is my first draft, and I'm glad that without the common wording, things look okay. Do you think...

Undergraduatelazypanda - Aug 16, 2014
lazypanda
12:10pm
"just do not panic, go and take what you deserved" - MIT: most significant challenge you've faced.

2 - Sorry for my mistakes(I`m not a native speaker,but anyway).Your essay is really well-written. In my opinion it surely has "challenge feel"....

Undergraduateironhand - 05:17am
kabylda
11:47am
Running a mile into the UC 2015 Prompt!

2 - I agree ^ your essay was good overall but I feel like some of the phrases that you used are jumble...

UndergraduateSeniorPeach2015 - Aug 16, 2014
itzvt
11:01am
Common App: The serenity of Blue Lake

1 - I have always been fascinated by the perseverance of nature,. Contradict to the constantly changing world, the great landmarks of the...

Undergraduatejmilla13 - Yesterday
klsou2
01:58am
High school - the time when I learned most about myself and discovered the type of person I am

1 - After that day, I have taken into consideration of aspiring to become a Bio-medical Engineer because I had gain a great...

Undergraduateitzvt - Yesterday
SeniorPeach2015
01:18am
I'm so ready to look and reach further to get what I desire for so long - University of Washington

2 - Thank you so much for your help. I'll try to do what you suggested.

Undergraduatehuy_big_show - Aug 18, 2014
huy_big_show
Yesterday
'I KIND OF JUST WANT TO GO AS FAR AS POSSIBLE!' - MY REASON FOR ATTENDING

2 - Thank you so much! @jmilla13 This really helped! Let me know if you need any suggestions with your work! 😘...

UndergraduateIyeshaferguson - Aug 19, 2014
Iyeshaferguson
Yesterday
"Limitless" - experiences or accomplishments that have helped to define me as a person

3 - My experiences, the hardships, the achievements, the highs and lows--they do not define me. I think you should put it -...

Undergraduatephoebedominique - Aug 10, 2014
EF_Kevin
Aug 19, 2014
'the wind was always at my back' - Explain Hardships Faced/ impact to a student/ overcame adversity

1 - The first sentence is a sentence fragment. It is cool, because the fact that you use a sentence fragment helps to...

Undergraduatelawdlc - Aug 18, 2014
EF_Kevin
Aug 19, 2014
"fly, crash, repeat" - Common App Essay - The RC Field

1 - This is definitely amazing, and i picked up on your major right away which is great. Comments: Try to create...

UndergraduateRyanF121 - Aug 17, 2014
Iyeshaferguson
Aug 19, 2014
"What, are you kidding? I'd never get in there" - Vassar supplement

1 - Great use of imagery! When reading about places and how the writer views a particular place, getting the imagery right is...

Undergraduaterobby04321 - Aug 17, 2014
EF_Sheri
Aug 19, 2014
A mix between a "central identity" story and "challenging an idea" - Common Application Essay

2 - Thanks for the advice. I definitely agree with your suggestion in terms of deleting the first paragraph, as well as making...

UndergraduateTh25cc - Aug 16, 2014
Th25cc
Aug 19, 2014
Hey Roomie! First things first- peanut butter: Stanford essay

1 - Hi! First, Thanks again for helping me with my essay.... Comments: I think this is absolutely hilarious, you really...

Undergraduatetdshah1 - Aug 18, 2014
Iyeshaferguson
Aug 18, 2014
How does USD stand out amongst all of the other colleges to which you are applying?

1 - You need to focus on more specifics. Saying " UC san diego stands out because of its close knit community and...

UndergraduateIyeshaferguson - Aug 17, 2014
tdshah1
Aug 18, 2014
Supporting statement for exchange semester in Australian university, game technologies

1 - This is a cliché, so it adds a little bit of boring us to the essay. It's better to come...

UndergraduateStevie - Aug 17, 2014
EF_Kevin
Aug 18, 2014
'I gather some tips on how Hollywood stars talk, act, and present themselves' - MIT essay

1 - Well, after reviewing, I can't say that your first objective has been fulfilled, i think you should spend more time talking...

Undergraduatetdshah1 - Aug 17, 2014
supreeth97
Aug 17, 2014
"My father was a great man, I looked up to him" - Common App Essay 2015

2 - I'll check it right now and I was planning on Columbia or Princeton

Undergraduatesupreeth97 - Aug 17, 2014
supreeth97
Aug 17, 2014
"The city that makes me a human" - Common App Essay 2015

1 - One thing I noted throughout was the use of distasteful grammar, i.e. trite or inappropriate words, phrases, and cliches found...

Undergraduateqwerty1234 - Aug 14, 2014
supreeth97
Aug 17, 2014
What is the best piece of advice you have ever received? Why is it important?

1 - There it This is (remove comma) the most outstanding piece of advice I have ever received. Well, I...

Undergraduate2015senior - Aug 16, 2014
Pahan
Aug 17, 2014
"Meissner effect" - My world view was mostly shaped by my school - MIT

1 - This has the potential to be a very strong essay, with a little work first though. Your theme is great. I...

Undergraduateironhand - Aug 16, 2014
2015senior
Aug 16, 2014
"A lost Russian in America, or is it the other way around?"-- UW-Madison Admission Essay

3 - I'm applying to the UW as well! I think this is a great essay, very well written. Although you could connect...

Undergraduaterachelshay23 - Aug 12, 2014
2015senior
Aug 15, 2014
"Do what makes you happy" - this is best piece of advice I have ever received

2 - Well written idea. But you can add in it the bane of not doing the work (that makes you happy) at...

Undergraduate2015senior - Aug 14, 2014
anees
Aug 15, 2014
Raised in a typical American family of four children and divorced parents - cultural backgrounds

2 - There is something blasphemous about a teenager expressing an opinion about an important issue, like affirmative action. : )...

Undergraduatebschaefer - Aug 13, 2014
EF_Kevin
Aug 14, 2014
"From East to West" - Common App event/experience Essay

3 - The essay is quite good, but you are right, the main idea is already overused. Moreover, admission officer can think that...

Undergraduatecali_grl97 - Aug 9, 2014
ironhand
Aug 12, 2014
My family environment and it's affect on me. They have helped me to become who I am

2 - Try to incorporate a personal anecdote in the essay to make it seem more unique and eye-popping.

UndergraduateZunera - Aug 6, 2014
cali_grl97
Aug 12, 2014
CourtTV / Aspiring Physician / Biology - Upenn supplement

1 - I think it might not be helpful to suppose that the television shows they watched with you expanded your vocabulary,...

Undergraduatechocolate108 - Aug 11, 2014
EF_Kevin
Aug 11, 2014
MIT: "frightening competence" - my ability to plan and to control my life - personal attributes

3 - It is great already! Just I agree with EF_Kevin to scratch the first sentence. It looks quite unappealing and spoils the...

Undergraduateironhand - Aug 10, 2014
Airborne Ranger
Aug 11, 2014
'crutial moment to take the right decision' - essay to apply to Ritsumeikan APU in Japan

2 - Thanks a lot for your suggestions. Really appreciated it and trying to edit as per your advice.

UndergraduateAirborne Ranger - Aug 11, 2014
Airborne Ranger
Aug 11, 2014
'July 1999 I moved to America' - My immigration story; academic and career plans.

1 - Since, my aspirations have always been directly related to the gratitude and respect I have for my parents. Throughout...

Undergraduatepcvrz34g - Aug 10, 2014
EF_Susan
Aug 10, 2014
'At a younger age, the idea of me doing well in school was unheard of' - SOP for UT in Austin

1 - My academic history was not something I am was proud of, yet... Throughout my life I've...

Undergraduaterjai0972 - Aug 6, 2014
EF_Susan
Aug 10, 2014
"Golden Spiral" - challenge a belief or idea

1 - This first sentence is a statement of the obvious. I bet you can do a little better! It is not...

Undergraduateroysar - Aug 10, 2014
EF_Kevin
Aug 10, 2014
"Eco-Challenge" - Adventure Racing essay

1 - Sometimes, the people who read these essays are sticklers for grammar. Every grammarian will tell you not to end a...

Undergraduatebluewaves343 - Aug 7, 2014
EF_Kevin
Aug 9, 2014
SAT - Some of the heroes get forgotten because they probably didn't affect directly people's lives

1 - Careful, I think that word is supposed to be remembered instead of reminded. You have a very nice writing...

Undergraduateluisfl97 - Aug 7, 2014
EF_Kevin
Aug 8, 2014
"I didn't deserve it" - GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT!

2 - I was really afraid that is how I was gonna come across actually! I'll work on it! thanks

UndergraduatePereirar - Aug 4, 2014
Pereirar
Aug 7, 2014
"Typhoon Haiyan" - significant experience for ADMU Essay

3 - Definitely not. Just combine them in one paragraph. An introduction is typically presented in one paragraph.

Undergraduatenathaley - Aug 4, 2014
niesaysi
Aug 7, 2014
I need support with describing my educational and professional goals

1 - I need help. It's urgent . I have to entrance an essay for college and I have nothing on my mind...

Undergraduate12345aaa - Aug 6, 2014
abedkh
Aug 7, 2014
My friends are the people who changed me. My enemies are my motivation.

1 - Having friends are is the best thing because they're always therefor me. but once you found find them they will be...

Undergraduatemostdowpe - Aug 7, 2014
florszi
Aug 7, 2014
Nowadays some professions such as doctors, lawyers... can become very rich. Is it right?

2 - As a result of that they can earn much more.....

UndergraduateKerryliu - Aug 5, 2014
florszi
Aug 6, 2014
I'm just a young woman trying to reach my full potential - UT - Austin Transfer Essay A

3 - I changed a few things. Looking at my transcript, as an admissions officer might, I see some inconsistencies. I see...

Undergraduatehcr_91 - Aug 5, 2014
hcr_91
Aug 5, 2014
For Those Who Can't; accomplishment or event that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood

1 - Went through and made some changes that I thought were needed. This is a very well- written essay, good word...

Undergraduatekeellyross - Aug 3, 2014
cpuissant
Aug 5, 2014
Creative Spoof - Madison Application Essay

1 - A well written essay with lot of good vocabulary. It took 2 times to read this essay to understand who...

Undergraduatecpuissant - Aug 4, 2014
Jwala
Aug 4, 2014
Fun and Pranking Essay -- Caltech

1 - There isn't much to criticize here. This is fabulously written. Two things though. Put some comas in: "From classics like Caesar's...

Undergraduatedjgvolt - Aug 4, 2014
cpuissant
Aug 4, 2014
'NOT YET'; any experience or accomplishment that defines me? (College Entrance Essay)

2 - Generally speaking I think you have to mention your own story, do you attend any workshops regarding writing your statement of...

Undergraduatethaaatgirlll - Aug 2, 2014
EyadBosy
Aug 4, 2014
"smart" is not enough for people to be successful; SOP for Univ. of Washington - software developer

2 - Nice to meet you, Duyen! Yes, I'm from Vietnam too :) Thanks a lot for your helps, I truly appreciated it...

Undergraduatehuyenluv - Aug 3, 2014
huyenluv
Aug 3, 2014
'Helping other is my passion' - Hartwick Supplement - Describe some aspect about yourself

2 - Hi! A very bold topic indeed and quoting your volunteer work at the hospital has really made it much more convincing....

Undergraduatevc859 - Aug 2, 2014
Elena_lovSL
Aug 3, 2014
"As soon as you trust yourself, you will learn how to live" - experiences that defined you

1 - Good Job! I'll just give some suggestions, for example, instead of saying " I give my gratitude to God", you can...

Undergraduateqwertyddam - Jul 31, 2014
Gulnar604
Jul 31, 2014
'My father introduced me to the C programming language' - SOP UT Austin computer science

1 - When I was a little boy, I spent a lot of time on the computer, and was curious about how they...

Undergraduatethounumber1 - Jul 30, 2014
niesaysi
Jul 31, 2014
"CHILD HAUS" - ESSAY FOR ATENEO APPLICATION FORM

2 - " It felt so good to release so much pleasure, by singing a simple yet powerful song. As we get off...

UndergraduateyoureGANAmissme - Jul 28, 2014
Hiruni
Jul 28, 2014
Who I am ; U of M - My community and place within it

2 - I walk into the temple. I see men in turbans, women in their salwar kameez, a traditional modest traditional garment,...

Undergraduateasaraan - Jul 15, 2014
dumi
Jul 27, 2014
'I'm a control freak' - Common App Essay - "environment where you are content..."

6 - I'm a rising senior this year, so my app isn't due until January of 2015. I'm also an American student, so...

UndergraduateLBM - Jul 23, 2014
LBM
Jul 25, 2014
Looking back on your high school years - Essay for Ashoka University

3 - You're welcome!!! I just have some grammatical corrections. I was originally going to comment that the ending seemed a little abrupt,...

Undergraduateheythere11 - Jul 20, 2014
LBM
Jul 25, 2014
Finding about me, if you're interested and have nothing better to do

1 - Although i am just a beginner on writing, this is just awesome to read .

Undergraduatelouisa216 - Jul 23, 2014
emonabin
Jul 24, 2014
'Stuck on a boat in the middle of the ocean' - Background / Story Central to Identity

1 - hmmm... you should probably eliminate the sentence fragments especially at the beginning n turn them into sentences. also reduce the repetition...

Undergraduatelancelot12 - Jul 22, 2014
dchege711
Jul 23, 2014
'BIGB Lessons' - Who or what inspires you the most and why? Ashoka University

2 - Great essay! You have really good English. I can't really even detect that it's not your first language! My edits are...

Undergraduateheythere11 - Jul 16, 2014
LBM
Jul 23, 2014
"It's nothing but a cult!" - Essay for Ashoka University. Need to cut at least 150 words!

1 - Wow! This is a great essay. You tell a very compelling story. If I were to cut anything, I would cut...

Undergraduateheythere11 - Jul 23, 2014
LBM
Jul 23, 2014
What happens in Hardee's: CommonApp Essay

2 - I'm editing from a phone, so hopefully it comes out right! My edits should be in italics. During an afterschool...

Undergraduateswj97 - Jul 20, 2014
LBM
Jul 23, 2014
'The three major artists and designers' - Two short essays for Art center Pasadena

2 - thanks!

UndergraduateAlexturt - Jul 22, 2014
Alexturt
Jul 23, 2014
What I Want - a lot of things from life; Penn Supp. Essay

1 - I want the usual - to have a nice car, the and perfect wardrobe and an ability to eat anything...

Undergraduateshoobidoo27 - Jul 21, 2014
niesaysi
Jul 22, 2014
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