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Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays.
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1 - The grammar can be significantly improved but before you get to that, I think you should take a look at the...

UndergraduateDethaiya - 02:24am
NafisaIqbal
03:45am
ExtraCurricular activity essay, Volunteering.

NEW - So, could anyone please take a look at the grammar and punctuation. Also suggest places I can cut or join sentences...

Undergraduateam291x - 03:32am
Journalism is not an easy career in Vietnam - E.W SCRIPPS SCHOOL OF JOURNALISM/OHIO UNIVERSITY

2 - Thank you very much for you comment :) I've tried to fix it based on what you said and this is...

Undergraduateprecious_summer - Dec 20, 2014
precious_summer
03:07am
NYU Supplement - the Village

1 - I love the language. I think you are good to go.

UndergraduateNafisaIqbal - 01:45am
Dethaiya
02:20am
Common App essay: My life with numbers

1 - I loved it !! It is unique :)

Undergraduateuchihahamza95 - 01:17am
Dethaiya
02:16am
Finding my future in my name. My self-fulfilling prophecy. // Common App

1 - Hey! Really great essay! Cool fact: I am also from Bangladesh! Your essay is really compelling and contains many interesting...

Undergraduatefayyzeus - Yesterday
ciennalongwood
12:38am
"It's rare for someone so young to contract shingles, but it's still possible" - I stuck in there...

10 - How's this version? I feel like this much more personal and focused more on my growth. It's probably more genuine than...

UndergraduateFullofSeoul - Dec 18, 2014
FullofSeoul
Yesterday
Why Yale - Unique student initiatives/ Yale short questions

1 - Your language and prose definitely shows high command of the English language, which Yale would just love! I think 2b...

Undergraduatesampunk9494 - Yesterday
fayyzeus
Yesterday
Mayo anecdote explaining a challenging situation

3 - Thank you so much for your feedback! I have made the necessary adjustments and was wondering if there is anyway I...

Undergraduatemiraheta - Dec 14, 2014
miraheta
Yesterday
College essay for VCU talking about what transitioned me from childhood to adulthood

1 - This is not really a defining event in the context of the prompt. I understand that winning the contest is a...

Undergraduatebriannaasalways - Yesterday
vangiespen
Yesterday
"...what else makes you unique and colorful?" William and Mary Essay

3 - really just the very first paragraph about "the dreaded college essay" i like "but that's too dramatic, and dramatic is...

Undergraduatedhizzy - Yesterday
acrogirl5
Yesterday
Future Jumbo / "Let your life speak" / What makes you happy? - Tufts Supplement Essays

5 - 1st essay: I would suggest deleting the first sentence and adopting a more straightforward style to this prompt since the...

Undergraduateleiya0920 - Dec 3, 2014
sampunk9494
Yesterday
An odd group of friends- Brown University Supplement Essay

6 - Hi leiya This is a very enjoyable essay and I really admire your writing style. I think you answered the...

Undergraduateleiya0920 - Dec 20, 2014
sampunk9494
Yesterday
Why Gun Rights Are a Huge Problem In Society

2 - I made some changes to this essay below. Same prompt. Let me know what y'all think. Thanks An issue that...

Undergraduatelkj6778 - Yesterday
lkj6778
Yesterday
'serious familial event that occurred in my life' - I am writing a "what I overcame" essay.

4 - Here is my rough draft of the essay. I came to the United States from a country called Bangladesh...

UndergraduateMastodon97 - Yesterday
Mastodon97
Yesterday
NYU Supplemental - I'm lost without gymnastics

2 - No corrections to the 1st paragraph, I pretty much see your connection between gymnastics and NYU. Use online thesauruses like m-w...

Undergraduateacrogirl5 - Yesterday
lkj6778
Yesterday
Extra-curricular activity of being a listener and petition writer - inspirational life experience

6 - Thank you. I would appreciate it if you could proofread the essay for grammatical errors and awkward sentence structures. I have...

Undergraduatevoocatcher - Dec 19, 2014
voocatcher
Yesterday
New York bustles with millions of lives, each contributing to the city's own little universe

5 - It's very good, I would just give a little more about what you can offer NYU. Telling stories is great, but...

Undergraduatekevpang - Dec 17, 2014
acrogirl5
Yesterday
Why Brandeis University Essay----"The road that lead me to Brandeis University", Originally

3 - Thank you for your advice! There's a word limited of 250 words and I might need to trim the description of...

UndergraduateTONYTIAN9 - Yesterday
TONYTIAN9
Yesterday
"He who stays near vermilion gets stained red; he who stays near ink gets stained black" - My Story

4 - I got a little lost in your essay, you jump a little too fast and tend to repeat things. First...

UndergraduateSakifarhan - Yesterday
acrogirl5
Yesterday
Cultural shock in Dubai; teach myself a new skill or concept

7 - Dear Vangiespen, I really appreciate for your help. Is there any grammar errors that I should correct in my essay?...

Undergraduatenicolezmh1997 - Dec 19, 2014
nicolezmh1997
Yesterday
Georgia Tech Supplement: Why am I interested

2 - Wow! You actually managed to respond quite clearly, concisely, and accurately to the prompt in a mere 150 words. I think...

Undergraduatesmm816 - Yesterday
vangiespen
Yesterday
I have searched for schools with programs which reflect some of my personal experiences. I found you

6 - This is definitely better crafted and more focused than your previous efforts. Now, we just need to make the connection with...

Undergraduatertan05 - Yesterday
vangiespen
Yesterday
Intramurals. Amateur Astronomers Association. Theater. The question is, what can't NYU offer me?

2 - Your essay sounds more like the brochure for the university than a well thought out response essay. Here is what I...

UndergraduateSakifarhan - Yesterday
vangiespen
Yesterday
"Out of Many, One People" is the motto of Jamaica, and my family is a perfect example - Seaford Town

2 - Thank you very much for the advice. What paragraph would you say has this problem?

UndergraduateKristoria - Dec 20, 2014
Kristoria
Yesterday
Contributing to Macalester community, personally and academically

6 - Okay. This is a much better version that only needs some sentence structure corrections. I'll point those out for you now....

Undergraduatesampunk9494 - Dec 16, 2014
vangiespen
Yesterday
NYU. A reality come true or just a dream school?- Help on my NYU supplement

4 - Hey, so firstly: I got rejected from NYU-Stern in ED. and secondly, "As a student, my most promising traits...

Undergraduatespyr0xs - Dec 17, 2014
am291x
Yesterday
"Hey, grandma, I've got something to tell you. I'm going to apply to US universities." Common App.

2 - I like the second essay more than the first as it is about a specific time, which is what the prompt...

Undergraduatevlad7777 - Yesterday
Maxbradley
Yesterday
"Why Odd Numbers are Odd?" - Odd is sublime!

6 - Thank you!! this is really helpful, I'll take your edits into account. :)

Undergraduatertan05 - Dec 20, 2014
rtan05
Yesterday
'stop thinking unrealistically' If it's still on your mind, then it's worth taking the risk; Barnard

2 - Okay! Thanks for the feedback:)

Undergraduateshnoobidoox3 - Yesterday
shnoobidoox3
Yesterday
'Delightful, tranquil, pleasant' - Maya in Nepali means love.

2 - Thank you so much. I really appreciate your feedback. I will also try to adjust like you have suggested. Thank you...

Undergraduatesonamd28 - Dec 20, 2014
sonamd28
Yesterday
Glitter (Dance and Culture) - Princeton Supplement Essay

1 - Sheridan, your essay is quite informative and effective. I am just at a loss as to what cultural value you maker...

Undergraduatesinkclap101 - Yesterday
vangiespen
Yesterday
One particular incident changed me from being self-centered to being sensitive to others.

10 - Rhea, any of the essays can work for you. I cannot and should not choose the essay version that you should...

UndergraduateRhea97 - Dec 5, 2014
vangiespen
Dec 20, 2014
UVA ESSAY BIGGIE SMALLZ READY TO DIE

1 - Daja, this is a very straightforward answer the an essay prompt that does not really tell us much about how and...

UndergraduateMizz_thinkable - Dec 20, 2014
vangiespen
Dec 20, 2014
"How I spent $1000 making a fire starter" Common APP essay

2 - This essay is just not a good fit for the Main Common App essay. Since this essay will be sent to...

Undergraduaterichieard - Dec 20, 2014
admission2012
Dec 20, 2014
No one had taught me how to reach out to others when in need of help - MSU Application Essay

6 - - How do you plan on doing this? Expand the discussion to include some activities you look forward to attending...

UndergraduateMKhan - Dec 18, 2014
vangiespen
Dec 20, 2014
"Attention to Detail" - the little things make up the picture - UW Madison

1 - Gabriela, you have written an essay response that would have worked if the prompt asked you to "Write an essay about...

Undergraduategaby720946 - Dec 20, 2014
vangiespen
Dec 20, 2014
"For every force there is a reaction force that is equal in size but opposite in direction"

1 - Udensi, you have not answered the prompt in the correct manner. You are supposed to specifically mention the subjects you excelled...

UndergraduateUdensi - Dec 20, 2014
vangiespen
Dec 20, 2014
You are not here fundamentally for the purpose of completing degree requirements - Why Penn College?

1 - Very straight forward, poised tone. I like how you try to tackle the prompt with maturity and trajectory. So let's get...

Undergraduatesampunk9494 - Dec 20, 2014
leiya0920
Dec 20, 2014
Stanford Short Answers: So they can get to know me better.

4 - Martin, I believe that you should maximize the use of the word count in your response to every question. 50 words...

Undergraduatemartin16 - Dec 18, 2014
vangiespen
Dec 19, 2014
"Allowing you to travel on your own is the last sliver of the cake of childhood"; Failed trip to NYC

2 - No. Absolutely not. Please do not use this essay as your coming of age story. A coming of age story must...

Undergraduatesage28 - Dec 16, 2014
vangiespen
Dec 19, 2014
A time when I had to tutor a teenager of different background

2 - Thanks for the feedback. If I make the change it will be "... challenges of me such as tuition" which...

Undergraduatesampunk9494 - Dec 17, 2014
sampunk9494
Dec 19, 2014
Humility leads people to fulfillment in the most authentic way possible - Transition into Adulthood

6 - Philipe, I happen to know someone who had a Bar mitzvah and I believe that aside from this actual ceremony itself,...

UndergraduateCharphil - Dec 16, 2014
vangiespen
Dec 19, 2014
The sincerest of gestures can bring about the simplest of pleasures: a smile

7 - Brooke, let's go over the word count for now. I would like to develop a certain idea in the essay that...

Undergraduateasdfghjklyeah - Dec 15, 2014
vangiespen
Dec 19, 2014
Whenever someone asks me why I want to pursue medicine, I always reply that it's part of who I am

4 - This is a definite improvement Danah. You have managed to show us the contrasting worlds that you come from while explaining...

UndergraduateDanah96 - Dec 16, 2014
vangiespen
Dec 19, 2014
During my junior year in high school, I volunteered at an orphanage to teach English to the children

2 - Adonay, it is unfortunate that the final act that you chose to take in this particularly compelling and quite controversial case...

Undergraduateatothez1000 - Dec 17, 2014
vangiespen
Dec 19, 2014
IELTS writing task 1 - Main energy sources for Burnland, 2006

2 - there is no necessary to add "to" after "in addition".

Undergraduatemkthanh - Dec 13, 2014
ruwchii
Dec 19, 2014
An idea that has been important to my intellectual development - multidisciplinary nature of subject

5 - This is certainly a tremendously well developed answer when your word count is taken into consideration. Please, feel free to use...

Undergraduatevoocatcher - Dec 15, 2014
vangiespen
Dec 19, 2014
Vietnam seemed to be an atypical summer vacation destination - Common App Essay

9 - No problem! I actually think I may just scrap this essay all together. would you mind looking at my other essay...

Undergraduatesage28 - Dec 9, 2014
sage28
Dec 19, 2014
Converting the Obstacles into Fuel for Success

7 - Attached on merging: Lacking the presence of my mother - what Ignited My Pursuit of Success and (Genuine) Happiness?...

UndergraduateJesusLM2 - Dec 15, 2014
JesusLM2
Dec 19, 2014
10 years reunion essay - Finding passion and happiness in a different country

1 - [Link / Image / Video / Quote]

Undergraduatewbasbc - Dec 18, 2014
voocatcher
Dec 18, 2014
A look into Culture - it lives inside of us in the form of our senses

1 - Wow, I think you've written a very strong essay. Culture is a very abstract topic to write about but you manage...

Undergraduateyazoo - Dec 17, 2014
voocatcher
Dec 18, 2014
From the Window Seat; the train was a capsule that served an emotional and physical role in my life

2 - Thank you so much! That really means a lot to me.

Undergraduatemelissae - Dec 18, 2014
melissae
Dec 18, 2014
When I was a young boy, my grandfather used to say.....MIT supplement essay

4 - Thank you for your critique.

UndergraduateMagmar00000 - Dec 17, 2014
Magmar00000
Dec 18, 2014
What are you supposed to focus on in "10 years after graduation" essays?

1 - Hello, You should just talk about the various aspects of your life that you consider successful and how your TU...

Undergraduatewbasbc - Dec 18, 2014
admission2012
Dec 18, 2014
"The Wakeup Call"; I grew up in a house that values education and hard work. Common App essay

4 - Ok can you check my other essay and comment on it. its a bit more personal

Undergraduateatothez1000 - Dec 14, 2014
atothez1000
Dec 17, 2014
My first day of boarding school and I already hated it. "I want to go home!" - Learning to Grow up

2 - I really liked your essay. Good work! It is obvious that your experience has changed you ,however, I think you can...

UndergraduateAymiee - Dec 17, 2014
atothez1000
Dec 17, 2014
Applying to Duke was an easy choice

3 - There are some punctuation problems (such as "overlooked," which must be changed to "overlooked",), so you will want to re-scan your...

Undergraduateyoshimax - Dec 16, 2014
atothez1000
Dec 17, 2014
One glance out of the window, I saw the cornfields and palm trees speeding by - Women rights issue

1 - made her decision to pack her bags, taking my sisters and I along with her.[/quote] whether or...

UndergraduateGhfdw17 - Dec 16, 2014
sampunk9494
Dec 17, 2014
Give me a lever long enough, and a fulcrum on which to place it, and I shall move the world; Why NWU

2 - Thanks a lot for your suggestion! I am thinking of mainly talking about the idea of whole-brain engineer. Cuz I...

Undergraduateilovesam - Dec 16, 2014
ilovesam
Dec 17, 2014
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