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Undergraduate


Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays.
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Personal essay based on specific questions on the university website; Undergraduate Admission

15 - Jang, if there is one thing that is very difficult to do when applying to colleges and universities, it is trying...

UndergraduateJangGemini - Sep 15, 2014
vangiespen
03:16am
Imagine yourself in a tutorial at Williams. Of anyone in the world, whom would you choose....

3 - RevtZ, I am making a few suggestions below for your consideration :-) - I envision my tutorial class...

UndergraduateRevtZ_hh - Yesterday
vangiespen
02:51am
The Me I am Today - Common App

NEW - Hello! So I am an international student applying using common app and I have chosen prompt #1 ' Some students have...

Undergraduatesilverw - Yesterday
Technology Addiction - University of North Carolina

NEW - 4. What concerns you about your world? What do you hope to do to make it better? (400-500 words) The...

UndergraduateDubby - Yesterday
The little boy- Stanford Supplement

6 - Well I helped found a foundation in India where we help set up health booths and education. Does that add merit...

Undergraduategodlover - Sep 21, 2014
godlover
Yesterday
The Importance of Diversity - Cultural Food Day (Questbridge Prompt 2)

4 - So I should elaborate on the importance of diversity to me?

Undergraduatesummerlilac - Sep 21, 2014
summerlilac
Yesterday
I Am a Mirror-Questbridge Biographical Essay

2 - Thank you!

Undergraduatesummerlilac - Sep 21, 2014
summerlilac
Yesterday
"I am who I am" --- A self discovery journey; common app

13 - Hi Nicole! Let me see how I can help you bring the word count down and I will also address any...

Undergraduatenicolezmh1997 - Sep 20, 2014
vangiespen
Yesterday
"Make a living out of something you love to do" - University of Texas at Austin Statement of Purpose

2 - Thank you so much for your input! Especially with the beginning, which is where I'm least confident. I made a...

Undergraduateperle95 - Sep 18, 2014
perle95
Yesterday
the children full of hope (COMMON APP ESSAY)

3 - godlover, this is a very good essay. The essence of the essay which is learning to trust only in yourself in...

Undergraduategodlover - Sep 21, 2014
vangiespen
Yesterday
The computer's world does not show its power until you start to understand it; Collage Application

3 - Sa1na, content wise, the essay is alright. So let's just work on cleaning up the grammar and sentence problems ok? Here...

Undergraduatesa1na - Sep 21, 2014
vangiespen
Yesterday
'being trapped within the confines of anxiety and fear' - UC Personal Statement

2 - foxysogirl, in addition to what Nicole has said, I would like to add that you can also try to reverse the...

Undergraduatefoxysoxgirl - Sep 21, 2014
vangiespen
Yesterday
The trip to a football stadium turned out to be more than an exciting experience; Common app prompt

4 - CaptainCook,I agree with what TheRoy said, you can choose any place that you want, provided you frequent the place...

UndergraduateCaptainCook - Sep 21, 2014
vangiespen
Yesterday
'emotion, unlike any other, struck my body like an arrow' - Villanova Essay

1 - I LOVE LOVE LOVE the beginning it completely catches my attention. "My family was in Atlanta visiting the Georgia Aquarium....

Undergraduatelbhux13 - Sep 21, 2014
Iyeshaferguson
Sep 21, 2014
"Reflection in the Darkness": Common App Essay

3 - Yes I agree with him. I think that the essay doesn't say as much about you as its supposed to. For...

Undergraduatedjgvolt - Sep 18, 2014
godlover
Sep 21, 2014
Born into a conservative Indian family of engineers and doctors; SCAD Statement of Purpose

3 - Since SCAD is indeed an art school, I would think taking an artsy approach to your essay would be much appreciated...

Undergraduatetheroy17 - Sep 21, 2014
lbhux13
Sep 21, 2014
If you created a Flash Seminar, what idea would you explore and why? (UVA)

1 - particularly the worlds that exist within our oceans My family and I were visiting the Georgia Aquarium. As I...

Undergraduatelbhux13 - Sep 21, 2014
theroy17
Sep 21, 2014
"Meissner effect" - My world view was mostly shaped by my school - MIT

12 - HI. Sorry for long absence; everyone who checked my essays without feedbacks - please, forgive me m(._.)m. I completely rewritten the...

Undergraduateironhand - Aug 16, 2014
ironhand
Sep 21, 2014
'My initial interest in attending the United States Naval Academy came from living around water'

1 - My initial interest in attending the United States Naval Academy came -comes- from living -having lived around water all my life,...

Undergraduategraycamp - Sep 21, 2014
sa1na
Sep 21, 2014
Many applicants to college are unsure about eventual majors. What factors led you to your interest?

5 - You did a great job in revising it! But maybe you still need to revise it a little bit. The prompt...

Undergraduatesa1na - Sep 21, 2014
nicolezmh1997
Sep 21, 2014
"Progress and Service" what does that mean to you?

2 - Hi there! Thanks for the feedback. It is one of the question by Georgia tech for freshmen applicants and it has...

UndergraduateCaptainCook - Sep 21, 2014
CaptainCook
Sep 21, 2014
'strange and uncommon story' - Should I write about my unique situations for the common app essay?

2 - absolutely! you have a great idea of what you want to tell the admission officers. just develop your points and remember...

UndergraduateLiveLife - Sep 8, 2014
CaptainCook
Sep 21, 2014
"You don't know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have" CommonApp Essay

5 - overall story is fine but i feel the transition from a certain situation to another situation is too sudden A...

Undergraduateerinnicole - Sep 17, 2014
CaptainCook
Sep 21, 2014
Two short personal statements: one based on diversity, the other based on growth. Which is better?

6 - Thank you so much for all the advice and feedback on my threads :)

Undergraduatem924 - Sep 17, 2014
m924
Sep 21, 2014
The smallest infection or malignancy can be catastrophic and debilitating for a person; Career Goals

3 - Your welcome :)

UndergraduateDonnaB2015 - Sep 18, 2014
andy15
Sep 21, 2014
I WILL NOT LIE NYU - NYU SUPPLEMENTAL ESSAY

4 - Through reading your essay, I could only get some superficial reason for your love towards NYU. It's mainly because you always...

Undergraduatenikhil333 - Sep 13, 2014
nicolezmh1997
Sep 20, 2014
I am proud to be a transfer student, and Illinois will be my next destination; UIUC Transfer Essay

1 - You currently have a word count of 335. Let me see if I can help you bring this down to 300...

Undergraduateammr1993 - Sep 20, 2014
vangiespen
Sep 20, 2014
USNA Personal Statement - opportunity to study Aerospace engineering at the academy

6 - Rick, the essay is getting polished with every edit. Here are a few more revisions that I believe you should pay...

Undergraduaterickjaime52 - Sep 15, 2014
vangiespen
Sep 19, 2014
With keen interest in creativity and designer arts, I am a person with varied interests and talents

1 - This part is not persuasive. Every time you include a sentence that is not persuasive, or at least entertaining, you...

UndergraduateTrendzy - Sep 19, 2014
EF_Kevin
Sep 19, 2014
'Losing him was losing not just a father but also a best friend' - UC prompt #1 Life experience

3 - As the others said, this work is very enthralling and you keep the reader hooked from the beginning. One thing you...

UndergraduateArchlefirth - Sep 15, 2014
djgvolt
Sep 18, 2014
"I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN!" - UW Madison Entrance Essay

5 - Good job overall. I do not like the part where you say "up for grabs", it sounds like slang. Try to...

Undergraduatepaigeo78 - Sep 16, 2014
mary1234
Sep 17, 2014
'the major I plan to pursue, Animal Sciences' - top 5 reasons to be a Hokie

2 - →where I belong to. FIGURE is inappropriate in here, FOUND would be better the...

Undergraduatemzywicki - Sep 16, 2014
Ashlyn
Sep 16, 2014
A Cheerleader - a snobby girl who is usually self-centered and typically not intelligent - UF

4 - I guess I am missing something here because I thought the main purpose of the essay was not to simply look...

Undergraduatelidlmissblonde - Oct 12, 2008
vangiespen
Sep 16, 2014
'Finding a cure to a genetic disease such as ALD was legendary to me'; UPENN Supplement

2 - Thanks for the tips!!!

Undergraduatemoogle123 - Sep 15, 2014
moogle123
Sep 16, 2014
Tell UoPeople a little bit about your village, city, region or country and what makes it unique.

4 - This is an amazing idea as everyone will agree that a view of neighboring Singapore is best only from our beaches....

Undergraduatehor - Sep 15, 2014
hor
Sep 16, 2014
Rural area, left the community - UC prompt#1

2 - it was compulsive readin'. when it comes to your grammar, it is perfectly comprehensible. However, some minor grammar and punctuation mistakes...

Undergraduatephraephet_oh - Nov 26, 2008
Luke Cameron Jr
Sep 16, 2014
'How ballet taught me about life' - Columbia GS AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL ESSAY

4 - Eeek! That is still way too long for an autobiographical essay. When printed out and read by an admission officer, that...

Undergraduatecolumbiagskiki - Sep 15, 2014
vangiespen
Sep 15, 2014
"Family and Dialect" - UC Application Prompt One

2 - Thanks! I'll look over yours later so I can learn.

UndergraduateExpeke - Sep 15, 2014
Expeke
Sep 15, 2014
"I am Chicano: Self Identify"

1 - .... compares two cultural identities of Mexicans: Mexicanos and Chicanos You don't need however here. It will be...

UndergraduateMannyDev - Sep 14, 2014
xatutik
Sep 15, 2014
My biggest obstacle to overcome was to accept my new surroundings; College admission essay

2 - Just a couple of months, after moving to America, my parents decided to put me into school in the second grade....

Undergraduatekim16164 - Sep 14, 2014
niesaysi
Sep 15, 2014
not many opportunities for women to get education - college essay

3 - However, In 2000 I did not know English and Economics. Now I can speak English fluently and four other...

Undergraduatemehwish khan - Nov 11, 2008
fikri
Sep 15, 2014
What do you plan to study at X University? What career are you pursing at this point and why?

1 - don't use 'and' to begin a sentence, it is preferable to use 'also' which is followed by a comma...

UndergraduateAbdiu01 - Sep 15, 2014
fikri
Sep 15, 2014
My Community - The Classical Musicians; University of Michigan

1 - hey sooy, here are some unprofessionally suggestions. the ability...

Undergraduatesooysauce - Sep 14, 2014
nickyzhi
Sep 15, 2014
Since its opening, I have always considered Snow Mountain as a place of comfort; common app essay

1 - You certainly created a well discussed essay that not only shows how you were totally content and peaceful, along with inspired...

Undergraduateasi677 - Sep 14, 2014
vangiespen
Sep 14, 2014
Meant to be Temple-Made - earlier I had only dreams that were way to big and scary for my small town

1 - Stefani, while you wrote a very engaging and informative single page essay but I have to tell you that you did...

Undergraduatestefanieionadi - Sep 14, 2014
vangiespen
Sep 14, 2014
Maybe one day, people will not have to hide their sexuality because of their fear of standing out

1 - HI! I feel like in the first paragraph you focus too much on what we are taught and common ideals. The...

Undergraduateerinapply - Sep 14, 2014
asi677
Sep 14, 2014
MIT: 'Every evening I put on my running clothes and go to nearby forest to run few kilometers'

6 - When I cannot solve some problem, the solution often comes to me on a run because I'm able to forget about...

Undergraduateironhand - Aug 25, 2014
SeniorPeach2015
Sep 14, 2014
Running a mile into the UC 2015 Prompt!

5 - Thank you EF_Sheri, itzvt, SHanafi, melramadhani for all your wonderful advice on my essay!

UndergraduateSeniorPeach2015 - Aug 16, 2014
SeniorPeach2015
Sep 14, 2014
'40 question paper' - describe an incident which led you to challenge yourself

7 - Thank you very much for you time and efforts. I am sorry for about the clutter and a lot of grammatical...

Undergraduateksu - Aug 31, 2014
ksu
Sep 14, 2014
Among the academic cream of American universities the University of Chicago is most convincing to me

NEW - UChicago Supplement: How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind...

Undergraduateprofes - Sep 14, 2014
"For the Love of Physics" / "Creativity" - favorite books, poems, authors, films, plays, music...

4 - Since all the correction have been made, I just want to add that if you include another piece of writting...

UndergraduateRevtZ_hh - Sep 14, 2014
Consular
Sep 14, 2014
A Jealousy - Harvard commonapp writing supplement (free topic)

4 - You made an excellent addition to the essay! There are just a few points that you need to revise. I believe...

Undergraduatemelramadhani - Sep 12, 2014
vangiespen
Sep 14, 2014
'I immediately felt a desire to know more about the institution' - Why Madison?

2 - When I first heard many good things about the University of Madison I immediately felt a desire to know...

Undergraduateciuffom - Sep 14, 2014
niesaysi
Sep 14, 2014
RISD: Spending a Day With a Favorite Artist

2 - Thanks so much!

Undergraduatekiditaly - Sep 13, 2014
kiditaly
Sep 14, 2014
'health and science has been my top consideration' - UIC personal essay of program choice

2 - You have a good Idea, try not to write this essay like how you write an essay for...

Undergraduatelolchobla - Sep 13, 2014
nikhil333
Sep 13, 2014
'I consider myself an advocate for many things' - UW Madison Essay #1

1 - At first glance, this paper seems solid and well thought out. But there are still a few errors to be corrected...

Undergraduatebenziee - Sep 13, 2014
vangiespen
Sep 13, 2014
I appreciate these three little words: "Vires," "Artes," and "Mores"

2 - I would be sure to note in the opening the meaning of Vires, Artes, and Mores (strength, skill, character) for...

Undergraduatevirgo66 - Sep 8, 2008
EF_Sheri
Sep 13, 2014
"Do what makes you happy" - this is best piece of advice I have ever received

4 - Hi... I saw that you attempted to write well. However, I think nobody success to write a good writing in his/her...

Undergraduate2015senior - Aug 14, 2014
SHanafi
Sep 12, 2014
'I wish to become a Lincesed Practical Nurse' - LPN entrance essay

9 - you need to pay attention to the flowness of your ideas...

Undergraduatecms91 - Aug 27, 2014
Anouar
Sep 12, 2014
"Why Caltech" - 3:1 student-to-faculty ratio - Supplement essay last question idea?

7 - Anouar, you can use the Caltech essay as a basis for the UChicago essay. You will still need to research UChicago...

UndergraduateAnouar - Sep 11, 2014
vangiespen
Sep 12, 2014
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