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Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays

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My reflection on My Brilliant Life; the supplement essay for Boston College

NEW - Prompt: Many human beings throughout history have found inspiration and joy in literature and works of art. Is there a book,...

Undergraduatethaisontrinh - 05:42am
Acceptance essay to the Illinois Art Institute of Chicago

NEW - How do you expect your education at The Illinois Institute of Art-Chicago to help you attain your career? Ever...

Undergraduatedreamerowl - 01:21am
Common App Question: What problem you'd like solved and steps to get solution

5 - Thank you so much @justivy03! Do you think the introduction is a little bit too much or is it good? And...

Undergraduatehashwindersingh - Yesterday
Awkward relationship with my uncle - ApplyTexas Essay Topic B

2 - between me and my uncle... You need to introduce the progress you made in your relationship, in this thesis statement....

UndergraduateKilleener - Yesterday
Think about the person you admire. What qualities does that person have that are admirable?

3 - Hi, chibichan !! Here I make some suggestions: -Diligence is the first quality of him that make me admire...

Undergraduatechibichan - Yesterday
College expectations, before attending it

4 - My reccommendation is to not use the term "things" as often. I mean, you can't always find a substitution but maybe...

Undergraduateclarinesukamto - Jul 27, 2015
Challenging a belief or idea - Common app essay draft

5 - Hey there! Great essay for the Common App! It came off really genuine and from what I've gathered, that's the most...

Undergraduateminipopette - Jul 25, 2015
Being a Korean immigrant - ApplyTexas Essay Topic A

3 - 1st paragraph; - "I'll never get beable to fit into the American culture". -.. I feared most of mythe time....

UndergraduateKilleener - Jul 25, 2015
Jul 26, 2015
USNA Candidate essay - to achieve my dreams of serving in the navy

4 - - Growing up with Nepaliparents of Nepali descent who.. - devote my life andto onebe of service. - Academies foe...

UndergraduateCandidate - Jul 21, 2015
Jul 24, 2015
Windows on Williams - My Neighborhood and its impact

6 - Hi, I think it would be better I will study for endless time and go to get an education for...

UndergraduateYvette12 - Jul 12, 2015
Jul 23, 2015
'The pain is temporary' - David's United States Naval Academy Personal Statement Essay

4 - Your essay is just two paragraphs, each one answering a question. What you need is proper form. You could...

Undergraduatedavidsrosario0 - Jul 17, 2015
Jul 20, 2015
Naval Academy Senator letter

3 - - I believe that my contagious fervorundying commitment in ( I choose this words because "contagious" seemed like a negative...

Undergraduateryanj928 - Jul 14, 2015
Jul 19, 2015
Among the Very Few; Why do you wish to participate in Semester at Sea as a gap year student?

3 - - VoyagingA voyage around the world on a ship.. - I dream to see new parts the otherof the...

Undergraduatemichaelaowen - Jul 14, 2015
Jul 17, 2015
Selflessness - I hope I would make my papa proud. Common Application

4 - Hello, I can help assist you some. I'm sure you will be able to use all of the suggestions to make...

Undergraduatedam22 - Jul 12, 2015
Jul 16, 2015
STELLAR ACADEMIC PERFORMANCE IN THE AISSE - Penn State Application Personal Statement

3 - I revised it and changed the conclusion and excluded the details you told me to. Still, its 650 words. After...

UndergraduateNilesh99 - Jul 15, 2015
Jul 16, 2015
Escaping the labyrinth-college application essay

2 - I can help assist you with your essay. I will give you some feedback on your writing. 1st paragraph:...

Undergraduatedevyanisawant - Jul 15, 2015
Jul 15, 2015
Because of a video game someone's online and off-line social life may be ruined. College Admission.

2 - Hi Alleged, first you did not introduce your topic properly-- you can introduce like- Integrating with people is a...

UndergraduateAlleged - Jul 13, 2015
Jul 13, 2015
'Who is the person you dream of becoming'; Syracuse Newhouse Common app supplement prompts

3 - - I dream of becoming a better leader, a better innovator, a better intellectualindividual ( I believe you mean "individual")....

Undergraduateqcstudent - Jul 6, 2015
Jul 9, 2015
Common App essay - My story of escaping persecution and moving to the USA

3 - Outlooker, I will look on this specific part of the essay, I hope it helps; - After moving to the...

UndergraduateOutlooker - Jul 6, 2015
Jul 9, 2015
Reflection of my internship experience

3 - Even though there were some days that I felt were monotonous because there were not many things to keep me occupied...

UndergraduateSpecialOne - Jul 8, 2015
Jul 9, 2015
'my sense of needing to give back to the community I live in' - PEACE CORPS Motivation Statement

3 - - Whether it was rescuing them from spiders in the back of their bunk or cheering them on when they...

UndergraduateCarrieG - Jul 3, 2015
Jul 6, 2015
So why would I pick the University of Texas? Simple. Because of the computer science program.

3 - KnightofGondor, WELCOME to EssayForum!!! Let me try to help out; - "As a homeschooled individual, I've always had a...

UndergraduateKnightOfGondor - Jul 2, 2015
Jul 6, 2015
Georgetown Extracurricular- Choral Transcendence

7 - Hi audpodz. Regarding your intro, I feel like you need to revise it because the essay is not about the...

Undergraduateaudpodz - Jun 13, 2015
Jul 4, 2015
I was enthralled by the things I saw in the USA for the first time in my life - Personal Statement

5 - I can cite some grammatical errors: - before his he dies - their old ages -I realized that this is not...

UndergraduateThenewimmigrant - Jun 26, 2015
Jul 4, 2015
Encounter with the slums - Significant Experience Essay

3 - ThatFilipinoKid, WELCOME to EssayForum, it's nice to hear that our EF Family is growing and you as a member is definitely...

UndergraduateThatFilipinoKid - Jun 30, 2015
Jul 2, 2015
This game redefined the online play and has enormous impact to the life of youth - World of Warcraft

3 - Bingtaof, first of all, WELCOME to EssayForum, it's always a great pleasure to welcome yet another member of the EF Family....

UndergraduateBingtaof - Jun 29, 2015
Jul 2, 2015
Stepping stone - help looking over my Motivation Statement for the Peace Corps.

3 - Okay I am back! I met a married couple (a doctor and nurse), while on a trek in the Himalayas...

Undergraduatemkiflai - Jun 30, 2015
Jun 30, 2015
"Psychology wasn't my first choice" - UC transfer personal statement

3 - Deftpunk, WELCOME to Essayforum Family!!! Here's my help on your application. - To tell the truthHonestly, Psychology wasn't my...

UndergraduateDeftpunk - Jun 26, 2015
Jun 28, 2015
Regretful moment when you chose not to speak up

3 - Thank for your help! Thanks a lot!

UndergraduateAvyrene - Jun 27, 2015
Jun 27, 2015
I do believe in the evolution theory which may contrast with my religion voices - personal statement

3 - Thanks so much!

Undergraduateesahn9405 - Jun 25, 2015
Jun 27, 2015
Why go to university? A great environment for us to learn and grow up.

3 - Water Buffalo, I think wadpk had some great suggestions for you. I'm going to add to his/her assessment by making some...

UndergraduateWater Buffalo - Jun 27, 2015
Jun 27, 2015
The recipe for NYU, a missing ingredient which bring back this school on track to its future success

4 - Thank you both! I'm going to revise the essay with your suggestions :)

Undergraduategiasilahian - Jun 25, 2015
Jun 26, 2015
Notre Dame 'good story' essay: 150 eye-catching words.

3 - -A shame, really, to transition from pansophical I'm not sure what you'd like to say but I'm guessing you want to...

Undergraduateodall9876 - Jun 21, 2015
Jun 23, 2015
English is a key to open the door to the outside world - essay with reasons why learn this language.

5 - I agree with @justivy03 but I think you still need some other corrections: - betweenamong countries - many foreign...

Undergraduateennyug - Jun 13, 2015
Jun 22, 2015
The job you like when you finish your education.

4 - Of all the jobs I have known, marketing is perhaps the best one I think about after my graduation. Although...

Undergraduateennyug - Jun 15, 2015
Jun 22, 2015
TASK 2: Children are supposed to start their schools at the age of four

4 - {Children are easy to imitate what they notice from people's behavior.} Sorry, I do not see your main idea here are...

UndergraduateAdhisti - Jun 13, 2015
Jun 13, 2015
What can the study of animals tell us about ourselves and the world we live in? Improvements please.

5 - Thank you!

UndergraduateWaz147 - Jun 12, 2015
Jun 13, 2015
Camden, a city of poverty, violence.. - PERSONAL STATEMENT

4 - Dear Jailene1026, have 1 note for you: Growing up in Camden, a city of poverty, violence, teen pregnancies made me...

UndergraduateJailene1026 - Jun 7, 2015
Anna Davis
Jun 11, 2015
Seeking admission to one of the best Computer Science undergraduate programs in India - SOP

4 - kaushal21, i think that in the first paragraph instead of which is to be a software engineer, you should write to...

Undergraduatekaushal21 - May 30, 2015
Anna Davis
Jun 11, 2015
Assignment about Culture Shock when you come to America.

5 - I have remembered remember the a day that I arrived in America at Detroit airport.

Undergraduatevchau254 - May 12, 2015
Jun 10, 2015
One thing I learned from our band - Dont be ugly Wallpaper - C. Gottesman 2015

6 - This is a poetic essay! Its very ready to read, and very enjoyable for its colorfullness. You could expand...

UndergraduateMayaAngelou - May 25, 2015
Jun 8, 2015
My trip to the land of opportunities! I am not afraid of challenges anymore.

3 - Thanks a lot !

Undergraduatealialkhazragi - May 25, 2015
Jun 7, 2015
George Washington High School Drum Corps - personal quality, talent

4 - Hi, @hahaha Therefore, I led in a team of 15 freshmen and it was responsible to recruit new members, set...

Undergraduatehahaha - Nov 28, 2008
May 29, 2015
My most memorable holidays

3 - Hi, NatyAC. I'll also try to help you with your the grammar and word choice in your essay: My...

UndergraduateNatyAC - May 19, 2015
May 20, 2015
'Continuation of family legacy' - AUC, American University Of Cairo

2 - Hi, islamtorky. I like the upbeat vibe I get from your essay - it'll put a smile on the admission...

Undergraduateislamtorky - May 19, 2015
May 19, 2015
'my Filipino ethnicity' - Culture and a Central Identity - CommonApp Essay

4 - Well, NJ, the prompt is asking for a story that you just did, you gave them what they ask for so...

UndergraduateNJBorst - May 17, 2015
May 19, 2015
Biology and the single child in my Chinese Family; The world I come from

2 - I have made some suggestions. I looked at each sentence and paragraph to see what changes needed to be made. Hopefully,...

Undergraduatett6746690 - Oct 30, 2013
May 18, 2015
Resiliency is something I've had to learn quickly growing up

2 - JenniferB, The fundamentals of your essay are great. You've selected some very big challenges to highlight your resiliency, and...

UndergraduateJenniferB - May 17, 2015
May 17, 2015
The breakout of the civil war - the time my life has changed

3 - thanks jasmine for the corrections and the advice. it is good to know your weaknesses so that you can work on...

Undergraduatelee boy - May 13, 2015
lee boy
May 14, 2015
How I became interested in becoming a Physician Assistant-Saint Francis application essay

2 - - Rephrasing last 2 sentences; This experience furthered my interest in becoming a Physician Assistant because of the ability to...

Undergraduatemadilyn123 - Oct 31, 2013
May 13, 2015
The beauty in numbers like the beauty in art frames - Texas A&M Transfer Essay A

2 - - We all live in society and we must give back or better saying:should I say "do our share". -...

UndergraduateAlexMenendez - May 10, 2015
May 10, 2015
'Going The Extra Mile' - Sophie Davis Essay #1

2 - I am new to UnderGrad Essays but one thing I learned is: The Admission Committee asks the essay so they can...

Undergraduateegpctim - Jan 8, 2012
May 10, 2015
What is the distinctness between a traditional Vietnamese family and a modern one?

3 - @lcturn87 thank you so much

Undergraduatepnanh - May 7, 2015
May 7, 2015
Peace Corps Volunteer Essay Statement; how to overcome the various challenges associated?

3 - Thank you for the feedback and corrections @confusee123!

UndergraduateBlack_Beauty381 - May 5, 2015
May 6, 2015
I discovered the core of strength within myself that survived all hurt. My childhood.

4 - I had to rearrange you paragraphs again, because adding the other information about the neighborhood should not be placed towards the...

Undergraduatesherricecharles - May 1, 2015
May 2, 2015
The high school students should work because it provides priceless experiences in work and life

7 - Thank you for taking the time to read my comments Christine, and I do sincerely appreciate how you read my words...

Undergraduatekibz95 - Apr 28, 2015
May 1, 2015
My uncommon path - I'm ready to return to UCF now

4 - Continued... After my disqualification in 2012, I got married, and, with the help of my dear husband, slowly began to...

Undergraduatebluefleed - Apr 30, 2015
Apr 30, 2015
Nowadays, it cannot be avoided that the number of people gets the weight increase in many countries

6 - [Link / Image / Video / Quote]

UndergraduateAdhisti - Apr 29, 2015
Apr 30, 2015
'My friend forever' - give some words about someone you know well

3 - He is twenty eight years old and he belongs to Muslim family, but I have never felt like that he is...

Undergraduateamit agrawal - Apr 29, 2015
Apr 29, 2015
"Why do you choose Pharmacy?" - Personal Statement for Monash Uni

3 - Thank you so much, ChristineB. Your correction really helps me while editing my personal statement.

UndergraduateGiantonia - Apr 27, 2015
Apr 28, 2015
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