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Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays.
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NOT YET (ATENEO DE MANILA ESSAY)

NEW - Have you ever wondered why people write essays? From my experience, I have been writing essays since I was in first...

Undergraduatethaaatgirlll - 08:47am
"As soon as you trust yourself, you will learn how to live" - experiences that defined you

1 - Good Job! I'll just give some suggestions, for example, instead of saying " I give my gratitude to God", you can...

Undergraduateqwertyddam - Yesterday
Gulnar604
Yesterday
'My father introduced me to the C programming language' - SOP UT Austin computer science

1 - When I was a little boy, I spent a lot of time on the computer, and was curious about how they...

Undergraduatethounumber1 - Jul 30, 2014
niesaysi
Yesterday
"CHILD HAUS" - ESSAY FOR ATENEO APPLICATION FORM

2 - " It felt so good to release so much pleasure, by singing a simple yet powerful song. As we get off...

UndergraduateyoureGANAmissme - Jul 28, 2014
Hiruni
Jul 28, 2014
Who I am ; U of M - My community and place within it

2 - I walk into the temple. I see men in turbans, women in their salwar kameez, a traditional modest traditional garment,...

Undergraduateasaraan - Jul 15, 2014
dumi
Jul 27, 2014
'I'm a control freak' - Common App Essay - "environment where you are content..."

6 - I'm a rising senior this year, so my app isn't due until January of 2015. I'm also an American student, so...

UndergraduateLBM - Jul 23, 2014
LBM
Jul 25, 2014
Looking back on your high school years - Essay for Ashoka University

3 - You're welcome!!! I just have some grammatical corrections. I was originally going to comment that the ending seemed a little abrupt,...

Undergraduateheythere11 - Jul 20, 2014
LBM
Jul 25, 2014
Finding about me, if you're interested and have nothing better to do

1 - Although i am just a beginner on writing, this is just awesome to read .

Undergraduatelouisa216 - Jul 23, 2014
emonabin
Jul 24, 2014
'Stuck on a boat in the middle of the ocean' - Background / Story Central to Identity

1 - hmmm... you should probably eliminate the sentence fragments especially at the beginning n turn them into sentences. also reduce the repetition...

Undergraduatelancelot12 - Jul 22, 2014
dchege711
Jul 23, 2014
'BIGB Lessons' - Who or what inspires you the most and why? Ashoka University

2 - Great essay! You have really good English. I can't really even detect that it's not your first language! My edits are...

Undergraduateheythere11 - Jul 16, 2014
LBM
Jul 23, 2014
"It's nothing but a cult!" - Essay for Ashoka University. Need to cut at least 150 words!

1 - Wow! This is a great essay. You tell a very compelling story. If I were to cut anything, I would cut...

Undergraduateheythere11 - Jul 23, 2014
LBM
Jul 23, 2014
What happens in Hardee's: CommonApp Essay

2 - I'm editing from a phone, so hopefully it comes out right! My edits should be in italics. During an afterschool...

Undergraduateswj97 - Jul 20, 2014
LBM
Jul 23, 2014
'The three major artists and designers' - Two short essays for Art center Pasadena

2 - thanks!

UndergraduateAlexturt - Jul 22, 2014
Alexturt
Jul 23, 2014
What I Want - a lot of things from life; Penn Supp. Essay

1 - I want the usual - to have a nice car, the and perfect wardrobe and an ability to eat anything...

Undergraduateshoobidoo27 - Jul 21, 2014
niesaysi
Jul 22, 2014
"What do I want to do when I grow up?" - Peace Corps Volunteer App

1 - This was the one question I could never fully got difficulty to answer. The best answer response I have...

Undergraduatesarx8172 - Jul 18, 2014
niesaysi
Jul 22, 2014
UIC Prompt: Giving education a new focus using history.

1 - It was my first college class that covered the subject, and I took it for just for the love of it....

Undergraduatefoxyh - Jul 15, 2014
niesaysi
Jul 21, 2014
automobile enthusiast from childhood; SOP for masters in motorsports engineering

3 - my revised sop....please gimme suggestion if there is any fault present..... Being an automobile enthusiast from childhood, my early...

Undergraduatevyasv21 - Jul 14, 2014
vyasv21
Jul 21, 2014
Convey your interest: visual, theatre, arts, sports, music, gourmet, cooking - UA&P Entrance Essay

2 - Thank you very much !!!

UndergraduateyoureGANAmissme - Jul 17, 2014
youreGANAmissme
Jul 18, 2014
PS - There are two ways to be happy: improve your reality or lower your expectations

3 - Let's have a look at your prompt; I feel this suggests that you need to be more specific when...

Undergraduateseppukkku - Jun 24, 2014
dumi
Jul 18, 2014
'Dear Mankato Admissions Board' - Personal statement to Mankato University

2 - Thankyou so much for your input, it helped my essay a lot ! i'll definatly try to help out with your...

Undergraduatemalsackey - Jul 15, 2014
malsackey
Jul 16, 2014
'I found someone with shared values and motivation' - Honors College App. Essay

3 - When searching for friends or even a soul mate, I believe one to we should look for someone that...

UndergraduateBellacorrr - Jul 9, 2014
dumi
Jul 14, 2014
This accomplishment of mine really made me get to know myself even more.

2 - Every experience that I have had made me a better person and it helped me know myself even more better....

Undergraduatecharlene1699 - Jul 12, 2014
dumi
Jul 14, 2014
'What do you want to be when you grow up?' - Yale supplementary essay

2 - What do you want to be in future? For me, I always had one static answer, "a Doctor". But why?...

Undergraduateivyaspirer - Jul 10, 2014
dumi
Jul 13, 2014
Amherst Supplementary Essay: stereotyped beliefs; power to dictate who you are

1 - Hi ivyaspirer, In my personal opinion, you're being too direct here. Instead of instantly stating out-of-nowhere that you're a homosexual,...

Undergraduateivyaspirer - Jul 8, 2014
Ulaai
Jul 13, 2014
What Nursing is for me? It's more than just a superficial "why"

1 - I only read your first answer. I think you can safely remove the first few sentences and start directly with the...

UndergraduateNece - Jul 8, 2014
Liebe
Jul 12, 2014
Personal statement for Endeavour Awards - Electrical Engineering in Bhutan

1 - The whole 'benefit to my country' is completely overplayed. Remove it I think discussing your work experience, rather than your rankings...

UndergraduateSan_123 - Jun 23, 2014
Liebe
Jul 12, 2014
Why Yale? What influenced your decision to apply?

3 - I tried to work it through so here's the rewritten one I want to go to Yale because I want...

Undergraduateivyaspirer - Jul 8, 2014
ivyaspirer
Jul 9, 2014
Everybody has person who impacted his or her life for the best

2 - What a nice edit, thank you so much. But can anybody tell me - how should I call someone who...

Undergraduatewejdan - Jul 9, 2014
wejdan
Jul 9, 2014
"Concept of Dharma" - Princeton Undergraduate Commmon Application Supplement

3 - I saw the Hindu god Krishna conversing with the Roman philosopher Cicero in India over a cup of tea. They talked...

Undergraduateabhay4556 - Jun 20, 2014
Popcornasaur
Jul 8, 2014
Common App Essay: Scuba Diving, 80 feet underwater.

1 - First, I'd like to say that this is a very well written essay; I won't be able to correct grammar or...

Undergraduatencurcio6 - Jul 7, 2014
Popcornasaur
Jul 8, 2014
Personal Vision and Mission as future educator

2 - Thank you so much ma'am for extending your help. Thank you allotting your time reading my articulations and making necessary corrections....

UndergraduateNece - Jul 5, 2014
Nece
Jul 5, 2014
United States Service Academy Nomination Essay

1 - Hi, it is of greatest importance that you should reduce the use of personal pronoun as far as possible. please follow...

UndergraduateEvaK16 - Jun 22, 2014
amirebm
Jul 5, 2014
Reason for attending West Point (nomination essay)

3 - I think this is much improved. I think you could build on this even more by adding details to root each...

UndergraduateJarram11 - Jun 30, 2014
Didgeridoo
Jul 4, 2014
Stanford Supplemental Essay #1: Towards a brilliant future

7 - Let me see... Attending ISEF is kind of the fruit of your "intellectual development." So integrating the development with ISEF might...

UndergraduatePopcornasaur - Jun 30, 2014
Didgeridoo
Jul 2, 2014
First Year in University - retrospection

1 - When I retrospect to my first year at Providence University, I found it was a year replete with dreams, enthusiasm and...

Undergraduatehaochen18 - Jul 1, 2014
Didgeridoo
Jul 1, 2014
"Cheater" - Ethical Dilemma (Caltech Writing Supplement)

2 - "I felt the sympathy rushing inside ofthrough me as it was passing I passed through the ethical barrier of honesty. Sitting...

Undergraduatexphysics - Jun 21, 2014
baileynmerrill
Jun 30, 2014
'selection of clubs' - Why interested in Georgia Tech?

5 - I believe that it's alright considering that some universities require the applicants to analyze (don't organize) when writing the essays/letters.

UndergraduateArchlefirth - Jun 19, 2014
Kev101
Jun 29, 2014
What's your career plan?/ What do you wish to gain from this program?

2 - as you know there is some stiff competition then you must give your priority to this program. stating that you would...

UndergraduateFellowWriter - Jun 26, 2014
shreyansh13
Jun 28, 2014
After my failure I went through a great deal of agony that led me to depression.

2 - Thank you so much :)

Undergraduatedestiny1216 - Jun 22, 2014
destiny1216
Jun 24, 2014
Undergraduate Admission Essay - "Welcome to Camp Live, Laugh, Love"

1 - Firstly, I am sorry for your loss; however, this is a generally well written essay. It flowed well...

UndergraduateKTB - Jun 22, 2014
cw4674
Jun 23, 2014
"Do you cut the red wire or the blue?" college admission essay

1 - Well for the 1st para, you have described your background pretty good which is a good base...

Undergraduatecw4674 - Jun 22, 2014
SalMon
Jun 23, 2014
Explanation letter for Canadian Visa

1 - I don't know about the Canadian visa process but I doubt that the Canadian government needs a well-written essay to explain...

Undergraduatemnm123 - Jun 20, 2014
Archlefirth
Jun 20, 2014
'my journey through a candy store' - entrance to a selective diversity program

2 - Maybe its just me but it seems these sentences are a bit unnecessary and seem to drag on: As I moved...

Undergraduatesoto1996 - Jun 14, 2014
abhay4556
Jun 20, 2014
Essay "Tell us about your life" for Tel-Aviv University (Engeneering program)

1 - In addition to languages, my hobbies represent a mixture of different occupations. In my childhood, I took keen...

Undergraduateaklochkova1 - Jun 18, 2014
Misnariah Idrus
Jun 18, 2014
How cancer contributted to my Identity and work ethics

1 - Please tell me how you can write this one!

Undergraduatesmoore34 - Jun 16, 2014
forouzan
Jun 17, 2014
Describing my future project; 'to end and satisfy the hunger for money and food'

1 - your vocabulary is strong but i believe "why do I got to live like this?" is incorrect grammer and use of...

UndergraduateStevenWong206 - Jun 15, 2014
rmk1
Jun 15, 2014
college essay - 'how much of my life has gone by without me even realizing'

2 - thank you for editing my essay :) i really appreciate it

Undergraduatermk1 - Jun 13, 2014
rmk1
Jun 15, 2014
The feeling of wanting to know computers; Personal statement for admission to CS

4 - In the year of my A level examinations, I was doing well until mid-year when I started to face several family...

Undergraduatenitex - Jun 11, 2014
eva_lim
Jun 15, 2014
Essay for a liberal arts program - 'without art world would be a poorer place'

4 - Whether it's the Indian veena, the Italian mandolin, the Mesopotamian Oud, from or the Spanish guitar, one thing is certain; the...

Undergraduateak2909 - Jun 9, 2014
Didgeridoo
Jun 14, 2014
'I am the forgotten child in my family' - the world I came from

1 - I was an outcast in my family.... 2- their problems...

UndergraduateAlexus11 - Jun 12, 2014
reza10977
Jun 12, 2014
Drexel University Essay: why you are interested in your choice of major

3 - good writing. you can also add in what you want to do with learning computer or how learning computer can help...

UndergraduateGilchrist2014 - Jun 12, 2014
nitex
Jun 12, 2014
To Stay Sane, Stay Busy (COMMON APP ESSAY- CONTENT)

2 - This was a really cool essay, the first that didn't talk about somewhere serene. Remember, less is always more with writing;...

Undergraduatemarktager - Jun 7, 2014
Didgeridoo
Jun 10, 2014
Undergraduate Essay Drafting - Transitions; 'dealing with changes'

1 - This is a good start, but I don't get the change from your essay, if that makes sense. You tell me...

Undergraduatecassidy23 - Jun 8, 2014
Didgeridoo
Jun 10, 2014
Is it true, that one can always find opportunity, even in trouble?

5 - Troubles are part of our life lives. Everyone has troubles faces difficulties and challenges in their life lives but it doesn't...

UndergraduateHumza33 - Jun 6, 2014
lewyne
Jun 9, 2014
"Extracurricular" and "Personal essay" - Admission supplement for CS

4 - Colleges like to see such passion and depth in a single area, but they do also want to see interests and...

Undergraduateiceberg32 - Jun 6, 2014
Didgeridoo
Jun 7, 2014
What type of individual is most likely to cause the world to progress?

2 - Thanks. This is an SAT essay (prompt from a practice book). Out of a possible 6, how much do you...

UndergraduateSodiumFactor - May 30, 2014
SodiumFactor
Jun 6, 2014
Liberal arts program essay: New University in India

9 - Thanks,I don't know why but my character counter behaves a little different. I had 3985 in the edited version so adding...

Undergraduateak2909 - Jun 3, 2014
ak2909
Jun 5, 2014
Readmission Essay; 'I have identified and learned from the mistakes I made'

NEW - I am writing an essay for my readmission application and I really want it to show that I take responsibility for...

UndergraduateWhatsInAname - Jun 5, 2014
ESSAY REVIEW: where you are perfectly content?; 'help for the benefit of others'

1 - .......... help others obtain benefits. ...became joyful and.... ....can be enjoy one night create.....

Undergraduatejennifermiranda - Jun 4, 2014
okdeerpass
Jun 5, 2014
My Cousin is My Other Mother

6 - it's true!

Undergraduatesothea1999 - May 30, 2014
sothea1999
Jun 4, 2014
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