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Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays

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My most memorable holidays

3 - Hi, NatyAC. I'll also try to help you with your the grammar and word choice in your essay: My...

UndergraduateNatyAC - May 19, 2015
ChristineB
May 20, 2015
'Continuation of family legacy' - AUC, American University Of Cairo

2 - Hi, islamtorky. I like the upbeat vibe I get from your essay - it'll put a smile on the admission...

Undergraduateislamtorky - May 19, 2015
ChristineB
May 19, 2015
'my Filipino ethnicity' - Culture and a Central Identity - CommonApp Essay

4 - Well, NJ, the prompt is asking for a story that you just did, you gave them what they ask for so...

UndergraduateNJBorst - May 17, 2015
justivy03
May 19, 2015
Biology and the single child in my Chinese Family; The world I come from

2 - I have made some suggestions. I looked at each sentence and paragraph to see what changes needed to be made. Hopefully,...

Undergraduatett6746690 - Oct 30, 2013
lcturn87
May 18, 2015
Resiliency is something I've had to learn quickly growing up

2 - JenniferB, The fundamentals of your essay are great. You've selected some very big challenges to highlight your resiliency, and...

UndergraduateJenniferB - May 17, 2015
ChristineB
May 17, 2015
Assignment about Culture Shock when you come to America.

4 - vchau, I agree with Justivy. Your essay is good for someone new to writing. Even though there are grammatical mistakes,...

Undergraduatevchau254 - May 12, 2015
catapultcow
May 15, 2015
The breakout of the civil war - the time my life has changed

3 - thanks jasmine for the corrections and the advice. it is good to know your weaknesses so that you can work on...

Undergraduatelee boy - May 13, 2015
lee boy
May 14, 2015
How I became interested in becoming a Physician Assistant-Saint Francis application essay

2 - - Rephrasing last 2 sentences; This experience furthered my interest in becoming a Physician Assistant because of the ability to...

Undergraduatemadilyn123 - Oct 31, 2013
justivy03
May 13, 2015
The beauty in numbers like the beauty in art frames - Texas A&M Transfer Essay A

2 - - We all live in society and we must give back or better saying:should I say "do our share". -...

UndergraduateAlexMenendez - May 10, 2015
justivy03
May 10, 2015
'Going The Extra Mile' - Sophie Davis Essay #1

2 - I am new to UnderGrad Essays but one thing I learned is: The Admission Committee asks the essay so they can...

Undergraduateegpctim - Jan 8, 2012
AlexMenendez
May 10, 2015
What is the distinctness between a traditional Vietnamese family and a modern one?

3 - @lcturn87 thank you so much

Undergraduatepnanh - May 7, 2015
pnanh
May 7, 2015
Peace Corps Volunteer Essay Statement; how to overcome the various challenges associated?

3 - Thank you for the feedback and corrections @confusee123!

UndergraduateBlack_Beauty381 - May 5, 2015
Black_Beauty381
May 6, 2015
I discovered the core of strength within myself that survived all hurt. My childhood.

4 - I had to rearrange you paragraphs again, because adding the other information about the neighborhood should not be placed towards the...

Undergraduatesherricecharles - May 1, 2015
lcturn87
May 2, 2015
The high school students should work because it provides priceless experiences in work and life

7 - Thank you for taking the time to read my comments Christine, and I do sincerely appreciate how you read my words...

Undergraduatekibz95 - Apr 28, 2015
kibz95
May 1, 2015
My uncommon path - I'm ready to return to UCF now

4 - Continued... After my disqualification in 2012, I got married, and, with the help of my dear husband, slowly began to...

Undergraduatebluefleed - Apr 30, 2015
ChristineB
Apr 30, 2015
Nowadays, it cannot be avoided that the number of people gets the weight increase in many countries

6 - [Link / Image / Video / Quote]

UndergraduateAdhisti - Apr 29, 2015
IqbalThemi
Apr 30, 2015
'My friend forever' - give some words about someone you know well

3 - He is twenty eight years old and he belongs to Muslim family, but I have never felt like that he is...

Undergraduateamit agrawal - Apr 29, 2015
Adhisti
Apr 29, 2015
"Why do you choose Pharmacy?" - Personal Statement for Monash Uni

3 - Thank you so much, ChristineB. Your correction really helps me while editing my personal statement.

UndergraduateGiantonia - Apr 27, 2015
Giantonia
Apr 28, 2015
'joining the band as a percussionist' - it is how I solved my conflict

4 - I had always been very interested in playing percussive instruments and many people, including myself, would consider music my forte. Immediately...

Undergraduatenotblake - Apr 26, 2015
Kikiki
Apr 27, 2015
"the world gets a lot bigger when you're living small" - Peace Corps Essay

2 - I think you did a good job summing up your experience that would make you good candidate. Your work with...

Undergraduatetempledc - Apr 25, 2015
EF_Carol
Apr 26, 2015
Acceptance to my dream career. I am extremely excited and ready for this new chapter in my family.

3 - Thank you so much. I missed all those small mistakes to make the essay a lot smoother. I am extremely grateful...

Undergraduateperlamartinez5 - Apr 23, 2015
perlamartinez5
Apr 23, 2015
I AM A LEADER - it's my best trait

3 - I think you should add more or state specific examples. When I read this, I think that you have positive qualities...

Undergraduatetonythatrican - Apr 23, 2015
lcturn87
Apr 23, 2015
UC Davis' resources and research opportunities will give me a solid foundation in programming.

2 - Upon looking at UC Davis site, you can see what the campus has to offer. There is a video where former...

UndergraduateGModesto - Apr 22, 2015
lcturn87
Apr 22, 2015
Is cheating wrong? Quotes of Sophocles and Susannah Centlivre

2 - Therefore, is cheating acceptable as just a normal way of life or is it plain out wrong and never justified?...

UndergraduateKprizzy - Apr 22, 2015
EF_Carol
Apr 22, 2015
The public library (contemporary issue/problem) Richmond Scholar Semifinalist essay

2 - 1) 1st paragraph: I think there is too much information in the second sentence. Although there is little that you have to...

Undergraduatebeccaleelee - Jan 16, 2011
lcturn87
Apr 20, 2015
SVA Statement of Intent - Getting out of the Shadows

7 - Okay here's my revised letter, I know my ending is kind of rocky. I'd appreciate some help with writing a better...

Undergraduatethebadguy - Apr 16, 2015
thebadguy
Apr 19, 2015
Combination of intellectual and professional growth; Vassar Colleg Supp/Why Vassar?

2 - Hi, orlaendoe. Here are my corrections to your essay: HOW DID YOU LEARN ABOUT VASSAR AND WHAT ASPECTS OF...

Undergraduateorlaendoe - Dec 26, 2012
ChristineB
Apr 19, 2015
'When it comes to education I am serious.' Benefits From The American University of Cairo.

2 - When it comes to education I am serious, I have been working hard since I was a little kid to get...

Undergraduateahmedazmy92 - Jan 11, 2014
justivy03
Apr 18, 2015
Why do you wish to study Computer Science? What influenced your decision?

4 - Hi Kimtot, I have several comments and suggestions for you. The digital age has come upon us. Someday, we...

Undergraduatekimtot - Apr 17, 2015
intiaiqbal92
Apr 17, 2015
My future goals - what to do in the future is a decision for the rest of our life

6 - I am very grateful. Thank you for your coments!!

Undergraduatefederica15 - Apr 15, 2015
federica15
Apr 17, 2015
A simple engineering admission essay . AUC: What would you benefit from studying in our university.

3 - Since my childhood when i was child, I have been passionate about machines as well as structures?. Because of this, I...

UndergraduateAmahrous - Apr 14, 2015
MuhammadImho
Apr 15, 2015
Hamid-ur-Rehamn ; Common App/ Person who had influence

2 - I'm going to help you with your paper paragraph by paragraph in order. 1st paragraph: Put just a after...

UndergraduateAryanK - Dec 30, 2012
lcturn87
Apr 14, 2015
What does it mean to be cultured? Texas A&M essay

2 - In the end of an essay you should avoid giving examples again. I think this is why there is so much...

UndergraduateJstuff36 - Nov 26, 2011
lcturn87
Apr 13, 2015
'Leaving home at the age of 16' - Common App Essay

3 - Change your tense. You are speaking in the past. Change have never to never and will to would. If you describe...

Undergraduateverca - Sep 2, 2012
lcturn87
Apr 13, 2015
Where is Waldo Really - CU Essay requirement.

2 - Odgie, Kindly find my help below; So what is Waldo really? The universal game of 'Where's Waldo' continues to...

UndergraduateOdgie - Dec 27, 2012
justivy03
Apr 13, 2015
Maroon and Grey - "two page descriptive essay of a place without using I"

2 - 1st paragraph: Do you have to use the words maroon and grey in this essay? Place a comma between ratty hole...

Undergraduatejricha - Apr 12, 2015
lcturn87
Apr 12, 2015
Chemistry, politics, and art have sparked my interests; U Michigan/ Curriculum & Interests

2 - Hi, Kindly find my help below; Prompt: Describe the unique qualities that attract you to the specific undergraduate College...

UndergraduateAminiN - Nov 1, 2013
justivy03
Apr 10, 2015
Crime in Mexico - some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern

3 - Hi @animber..I think there are many grammatical issues and misspelling. This I have several corrections for you....

Undergraduateanimber - Apr 8, 2015
intiaiqbal92
Apr 9, 2015
Staying in one place and living in different area.

4 - Basically, people want to live in the most comfortable zone.This beginning is somehow bizarre. Remember the more informative your essay is,...

Undergraduateintiaiqbal92 - Apr 8, 2015
Vns9x
Apr 8, 2015
Reed offers variety and exposure - and that's what made me a great scholar, not specialization

2 - I think this is a very creative essay on stating why you want to go to Reed College. Much of it...

UndergraduatePegasus - Apr 3, 2015
lcturn87
Apr 6, 2015
My strenghts are: self-motivation, analytical mind and a strong-work ethic - who am I as a person?

2 - The first two sentences are weakness and strengths because you are trying to figure out who you are but you are...

Undergraduatededeebabi101 - Apr 5, 2015
lcturn87
Apr 6, 2015
My mom put a lot of effort teaching me manners, how to be respectful, determinant and full of life.

3 - Thanks for your respond Alina ... I'm Admitting to to the "University of the people" and this is one of the...

Undergraduatemanar21abc - Apr 5, 2015
manar21abc
Apr 6, 2015
"You may play well or you may play badly; the important thing is that you should play truly" - NYU

3 - Hello abhayarathore, This is some correction for your writing. These words by Mikhail Shchepkin "You may play well or...

Undergraduateabhayarathore - Apr 1, 2015
IqbalThemi
Apr 3, 2015
Persuasive essay on the negatives of excessive technology use

2 - The first sentence is an uninteresting statement of the obvious, so the reader might stop paying attention. It might be good...

Undergraduatenatashanicola - Mar 30, 2015
EF_Kevin
Apr 1, 2015
Chance. When you get one, you're going to want to use it wisely. Why the UMTC PSEO Program?

2 - I think it's easier on the reader's mind when you use "I" instead of "you". Using "you" is subtly offensive...

Undergraduatemohamtes000 - Mar 30, 2015
EF_Kevin
Apr 1, 2015
'I was building robots' - UMASS Mechanical Engineering Common App Transfer Essay

2 - here is my opinion. I'm still new to essay anyway Since a very young age, I demonstrated an interest in...

Undergraduateshermama96 - Mar 30, 2015
johnsenong
Apr 1, 2015
Motivation letter for International Business Administration at Rotterdam School of Management

3 - Hi Carol ! Thank you so much for your help with this letter and those nice feedbacks ! For...

Undergraduatesamaskarkapac - Mar 29, 2015
samaskarkapac
Mar 30, 2015
The people I see nearly every day are unable to access the education that they deserve

2 - It's interesting, the teachers would complain that they have to let their ideals and curricula conform to the standardized tests....

UndergraduateCollegeBoy - Mar 28, 2015
EF_Kevin
Mar 30, 2015
I can offer NYU my patient perspective because of my experience in Xiamen, not so big city in China.

7 - Anyone willing to take a look at my newer version??? Thank you!! Since I was younger, I've not been a...

UndergraduateChenchenchen - Mar 27, 2015
Chenchenchen
Mar 28, 2015
DePauw has helped me progress, but now I want to move even further. Transfer main essay to NYU!

2 - I love the way you are trying to tell a story. However, the points you raised are not strong enough, in...

Undergraduatechan94 - Mar 28, 2015
harveyross
Mar 28, 2015
Engineering in supporting my financial issues - Personal statement correction

2 - is this paragraph a part of the statement? If so, I suggest to remove it or express it in a...

UndergraduateIraj33 - Mar 27, 2015
ah_zafari
Mar 27, 2015
Being a president of English club I organized a summer exchange trip to Lithuania; cultural exchange

5 - You made some great changes here. I focused on cutting this time, but also made some other changes. Hope...

Undergraduatenazmarta - Mar 25, 2015
lynzee22
Mar 25, 2015
My mother's dedication inspired me to set high goals to make her proud. My international background.

2 - Hello! While the overall message you want to convey stands out, I see some structural and grammar issues....

Undergraduatenazmarta - Mar 25, 2015
EF_Sheri
Mar 25, 2015
LIBRARY: SECOND HOME (QUESTBRIDGE SHORT RESPONSE)

4 - I changed auntie to "friend" because she is just an acquaintance

Undergraduaterettabby - Mar 25, 2015
rettabby
Mar 25, 2015
Through medicine people's lives are prolonged - Career Goals of an Emergency Room Physician

3 - Thanks this helped a lot, this is a paper to get into a summer program at a college, and the prompt...

Undergraduatejaylon - Mar 23, 2015
jaylon
Mar 24, 2015
'Academics, bookwork, school' - Quest Bridge Biographical Essay

3 - After seeing the struggles my mother goeswent through in order for me to have a better future, I made a decision:...

Undergraduatek9chilly - Sep 24, 2012
lynzee22
Mar 23, 2015
'scientific research is strongly promoted here' - Macalester supplement

3 - Hello, This is a very good start. Below are some suggestions For a liberal arts college with high national...

Undergraduatecordyceps - Jan 15, 2012
lynzee22
Mar 23, 2015
Motive for exchange program in Japan - to broaden my horizon

4 - I majored in Design at** High School and now major in Creative Design and Management and minor in Early Childhood Education...

Undergraduateerinwu - Mar 22, 2015
lynzee22
Mar 23, 2015
Korean universities, culture, and technology. My passion to continue my study.

3 - When I was born in 1991, and I lived with my both parents at rented house, because at that time we...

Undergraduatetian lee - Mar 23, 2015
EF_Kevin
Mar 23, 2015
It will help me have a clear picture in my career and become a good person. STAAR Summer CAMP

3 - this is my correction, i think it is short, Do i need to write more? (short essay) Since...

Undergraduatetrantuan1471 - Mar 19, 2015
trantuan1471
Mar 21, 2015
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