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Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays

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I discovered the core of strength within myself that survived all hurt. My childhood.

4 - I had to rearrange you paragraphs again, because adding the other information about the neighborhood should not be placed towards the...

Undergraduatesherricecharles - May 1, 2015
lcturn87
Yesterday
The high school students should work because it provides priceless experiences in work and life

7 - Thank you for taking the time to read my comments Christine, and I do sincerely appreciate how you read my words...

Undergraduatekibz95 - Apr 28, 2015
kibz95
May 1, 2015
My uncommon path - I'm ready to return to UCF now

4 - Continued... After my disqualification in 2012, I got married, and, with the help of my dear husband, slowly began to...

Undergraduatebluefleed - Apr 30, 2015
ChristineB
Apr 30, 2015
Nowadays, it cannot be avoided that the number of people gets the weight increase in many countries

6 - [Link / Image / Video / Quote]

UndergraduateAdhisti - Apr 29, 2015
IqbalThemi
Apr 30, 2015
'My friend forever' - give some words about someone you know well

3 - He is twenty eight years old and he belongs to Muslim family, but I have never felt like that he is...

Undergraduateamit agrawal - Apr 29, 2015
Adhisti
Apr 29, 2015
"Why do you choose Pharmacy?" - Personal Statement for Monash Uni

3 - Thank you so much, ChristineB. Your correction really helps me while editing my personal statement.

UndergraduateGiantonia - Apr 27, 2015
Giantonia
Apr 28, 2015
'joining the band as a percussionist' - it is how I solved my conflict

4 - I had always been very interested in playing percussive instruments and many people, including myself, would consider music my forte. Immediately...

Undergraduatenotblake - Apr 26, 2015
Kikiki
Apr 27, 2015
Acceptance to my dream career. I am extremely excited and ready for this new chapter in my family.

3 - Thank you so much. I missed all those small mistakes to make the essay a lot smoother. I am extremely grateful...

Undergraduateperlamartinez5 - Apr 23, 2015
perlamartinez5
Apr 23, 2015
I AM A LEADER - it's my best trait

3 - I think you should add more or state specific examples. When I read this, I think that you have positive qualities...

Undergraduatetonythatrican - Apr 23, 2015
lcturn87
Apr 23, 2015
UC Davis' resources and research opportunities will give me a solid foundation in programming.

2 - Upon looking at UC Davis site, you can see what the campus has to offer. There is a video where former...

UndergraduateGModesto - Apr 22, 2015
lcturn87
Apr 22, 2015
Is cheating wrong? Quotes of Sophocles and Susannah Centlivre

2 - Therefore, is cheating acceptable as just a normal way of life or is it plain out wrong and never justified?...

UndergraduateKprizzy - Apr 22, 2015
EF_Carol
Apr 22, 2015
The public library (contemporary issue/problem) Richmond Scholar Semifinalist essay

2 - 1) 1st paragraph: I think there is too much information in the second sentence. Although there is little that you have to...

Undergraduatebeccaleelee - Jan 16, 2011
lcturn87
Apr 20, 2015
SVA Statement of Intent - Getting out of the Shadows

7 - Okay here's my revised letter, I know my ending is kind of rocky. I'd appreciate some help with writing a better...

Undergraduatethebadguy - Apr 16, 2015
thebadguy
Apr 19, 2015
Combination of intellectual and professional growth; Vassar Colleg Supp/Why Vassar?

2 - Hi, orlaendoe. Here are my corrections to your essay: HOW DID YOU LEARN ABOUT VASSAR AND WHAT ASPECTS OF...

Undergraduateorlaendoe - Dec 26, 2012
ChristineB
Apr 19, 2015
'When it comes to education I am serious.' Benefits From The American University of Cairo.

2 - When it comes to education I am serious, I have been working hard since I was a little kid to get...

Undergraduateahmedazmy92 - Jan 11, 2014
justivy03
Apr 18, 2015
Why do you wish to study Computer Science? What influenced your decision?

4 - Hi Kimtot, I have several comments and suggestions for you. The digital age has come upon us. Someday, we...

Undergraduatekimtot - Apr 17, 2015
intiaiqbal92
Apr 17, 2015
My future goals - what to do in the future is a decision for the rest of our life

6 - I am very grateful. Thank you for your coments!!

Undergraduatefederica15 - Apr 15, 2015
federica15
Apr 17, 2015
A simple engineering admission essay . AUC: What would you benefit from studying in our university.

3 - Since my childhood when i was child, I have been passionate about machines as well as structures?. Because of this, I...

UndergraduateAmahrous - Apr 14, 2015
MuhammadImho
Apr 15, 2015
Hamid-ur-Rehamn ; Common App/ Person who had influence

2 - I'm going to help you with your paper paragraph by paragraph in order. 1st paragraph: Put just a after...

UndergraduateAryanK - Dec 30, 2012
lcturn87
Apr 14, 2015
What does it mean to be cultured? Texas A&M essay

2 - In the end of an essay you should avoid giving examples again. I think this is why there is so much...

UndergraduateJstuff36 - Nov 26, 2011
lcturn87
Apr 13, 2015
'Leaving home at the age of 16' - Common App Essay

3 - Change your tense. You are speaking in the past. Change have never to never and will to would. If you describe...

Undergraduateverca - Sep 2, 2012
lcturn87
Apr 13, 2015
Where is Waldo Really - CU Essay requirement.

2 - Odgie, Kindly find my help below; So what is Waldo really? The universal game of 'Where's Waldo' continues to...

UndergraduateOdgie - Dec 27, 2012
justivy03
Apr 13, 2015
Maroon and Grey - "two page descriptive essay of a place without using I"

2 - 1st paragraph: Do you have to use the words maroon and grey in this essay? Place a comma between ratty hole...

Undergraduatejricha - Apr 12, 2015
lcturn87
Apr 12, 2015
Chemistry, politics, and art have sparked my interests; U Michigan/ Curriculum & Interests

2 - Hi, Kindly find my help below; Prompt: Describe the unique qualities that attract you to the specific undergraduate College...

UndergraduateAminiN - Nov 1, 2013
justivy03
Apr 10, 2015
Crime in Mexico - some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern

3 - Hi @animber..I think there are many grammatical issues and misspelling. This I have several corrections for you....

Undergraduateanimber - Apr 8, 2015
intiaiqbal92
Apr 9, 2015
Staying in one place and living in different area.

4 - Basically, people want to live in the most comfortable zone.This beginning is somehow bizarre. Remember the more informative your essay is,...

Undergraduateintiaiqbal92 - Apr 8, 2015
Vns9x
Apr 8, 2015
Reed offers variety and exposure - and that's what made me a great scholar, not specialization

2 - I think this is a very creative essay on stating why you want to go to Reed College. Much of it...

UndergraduatePegasus - Apr 3, 2015
lcturn87
Apr 6, 2015
My strenghts are: self-motivation, analytical mind and a strong-work ethic - who am I as a person?

2 - The first two sentences are weakness and strengths because you are trying to figure out who you are but you are...

Undergraduatededeebabi101 - Apr 5, 2015
lcturn87
Apr 6, 2015
My mom put a lot of effort teaching me manners, how to be respectful, determinant and full of life.

3 - Thanks for your respond Alina ... I'm Admitting to to the "University of the people" and this is one of the...

Undergraduatemanar21abc - Apr 5, 2015
manar21abc
Apr 6, 2015
"You may play well or you may play badly; the important thing is that you should play truly" - NYU

3 - Hello abhayarathore, This is some correction for your writing. These words by Mikhail Shchepkin "You may play well or...

Undergraduateabhayarathore - Apr 1, 2015
IqbalThemi
Apr 3, 2015
Persuasive essay on the negatives of excessive technology use

2 - The first sentence is an uninteresting statement of the obvious, so the reader might stop paying attention. It might be good...

Undergraduatenatashanicola - Mar 30, 2015
EF_Kevin
Apr 1, 2015
Chance. When you get one, you're going to want to use it wisely. Why the UMTC PSEO Program?

2 - I think it's easier on the reader's mind when you use "I" instead of "you". Using "you" is subtly offensive...

Undergraduatemohamtes000 - Mar 30, 2015
EF_Kevin
Apr 1, 2015
'I was building robots' - UMASS Mechanical Engineering Common App Transfer Essay

2 - here is my opinion. I'm still new to essay anyway Since a very young age, I demonstrated an interest in...

Undergraduateshermama96 - Mar 30, 2015
johnsenong
Apr 1, 2015
Motivation letter for International Business Administration at Rotterdam School of Management

3 - Hi Carol ! Thank you so much for your help with this letter and those nice feedbacks ! For...

Undergraduatesamaskarkapac - Mar 29, 2015
samaskarkapac
Mar 30, 2015
The people I see nearly every day are unable to access the education that they deserve

2 - It's interesting, the teachers would complain that they have to let their ideals and curricula conform to the standardized tests....

UndergraduateCollegeBoy - Mar 28, 2015
EF_Kevin
Mar 30, 2015
I can offer NYU my patient perspective because of my experience in Xiamen, not so big city in China.

7 - Anyone willing to take a look at my newer version??? Thank you!! Since I was younger, I've not been a...

UndergraduateChenchenchen - Mar 27, 2015
Chenchenchen
Mar 28, 2015
DePauw has helped me progress, but now I want to move even further. Transfer main essay to NYU!

2 - I love the way you are trying to tell a story. However, the points you raised are not strong enough, in...

Undergraduatechan94 - Mar 28, 2015
harveyross
Mar 28, 2015
Engineering in supporting my financial issues - Personal statement correction

2 - is this paragraph a part of the statement? If so, I suggest to remove it or express it in a...

UndergraduateIraj33 - Mar 27, 2015
ah_zafari
Mar 27, 2015
Being a president of English club I organized a summer exchange trip to Lithuania; cultural exchange

5 - You made some great changes here. I focused on cutting this time, but also made some other changes. Hope...

Undergraduatenazmarta - Mar 25, 2015
lynzee22
Mar 25, 2015
My mother's dedication inspired me to set high goals to make her proud. My international background.

2 - Hello! While the overall message you want to convey stands out, I see some structural and grammar issues....

Undergraduatenazmarta - Mar 25, 2015
EF_Sheri
Mar 25, 2015
LIBRARY: SECOND HOME (QUESTBRIDGE SHORT RESPONSE)

4 - I changed auntie to "friend" because she is just an acquaintance

Undergraduaterettabby - Mar 25, 2015
rettabby
Mar 25, 2015
Through medicine people's lives are prolonged - Career Goals of an Emergency Room Physician

3 - Thanks this helped a lot, this is a paper to get into a summer program at a college, and the prompt...

Undergraduatejaylon - Mar 23, 2015
jaylon
Mar 24, 2015
'Academics, bookwork, school' - Quest Bridge Biographical Essay

3 - After seeing the struggles my mother goeswent through in order for me to have a better future, I made a decision:...

Undergraduatek9chilly - Sep 24, 2012
lynzee22
Mar 23, 2015
'scientific research is strongly promoted here' - Macalester supplement

3 - Hello, This is a very good start. Below are some suggestions For a liberal arts college with high national...

Undergraduatecordyceps - Jan 15, 2012
lynzee22
Mar 23, 2015
Motive for exchange program in Japan - to broaden my horizon

4 - I majored in Design at** High School and now major in Creative Design and Management and minor in Early Childhood Education...

Undergraduateerinwu - Mar 22, 2015
lynzee22
Mar 23, 2015
Korean universities, culture, and technology. My passion to continue my study.

3 - When I was born in 1991, and I lived with my both parents at rented house, because at that time we...

Undergraduatetian lee - Mar 23, 2015
EF_Kevin
Mar 23, 2015
It will help me have a clear picture in my career and become a good person. STAAR Summer CAMP

3 - this is my correction, i think it is short, Do i need to write more? (short essay) Since...

Undergraduatetrantuan1471 - Mar 19, 2015
trantuan1471
Mar 21, 2015
What type of work would you like to do once you finish school? Short essay

4 - this my correction, please help me :))) When I was a child, I came to visit my grandmother at hospital...

Undergraduatemaiphuong29 - Mar 18, 2015
maiphuong29
Mar 21, 2015
"The Dreams About a Perfect World" - motivation statement

2 - The time when I spoke up as a delegate of ICPD (International Conference on Population and Development Beyond 2014) Global Youth...

Undergraduatedcdm13 - Mar 19, 2015
lynzee22
Mar 19, 2015
My reason for becoming a nurse is the passion in my heart and soul for helping others

2 - My reason for becoming a nurse is the passion in my heart and soul for helping others. To be a nurse...

Undergraduatejdawdy9 - Apr 13, 2013
lynzee22
Mar 19, 2015
Process Analysis rough draft "Filling Physician Orders"

2 - Today, the medical field is growing and day by day more conditions and diseases are affecting many lives. Without...

Undergraduatesherelle04 - Sep 18, 2012
lynzee22
Mar 19, 2015
Activity- Junior Red Cross, or we usually call it "PMR" or Palang Merah Remaja with 17 of my friends

4 - thanks guys ; D

Undergraduateroyalitas - Mar 19, 2015
royalitas
Mar 19, 2015
Painting I did; Brown/ Something I created and it makes me proud

2 - Hello, Please see my edits below I had chosen to paint the same picture that convinced me to join...

Undergraduatejs65438 - Jan 3, 2013
lynzee22
Mar 18, 2015
Hiroshima Peace Memorial Park experience - Applying for Japanese Studies and Sociology

6 - Thank you very much for spending your time reviewing my essay, lynzee22! :D I really do appreciate your help! In...

Undergraduateishikawayayoi - Mar 16, 2015
ishikawayayoi
Mar 17, 2015
One name became the center of my world - Haruki Murakami; Hamilton Sup

2 - In the year before I came to the States, my obsession with reading books, which had been extinguished for unknown reasons...

Undergraduaterainneil - Dec 30, 2012
lynzee22
Mar 17, 2015
"We spent so much money on you and this is how you repay us?" Since your last application- Stanford

4 - "We spent so much money on you and this is how you repay us?" my dad screamed staring straight in my...

Undergraduatesumitsadawarti - Mar 15, 2015
sumitsadawarti
Mar 15, 2015
To pursue academic interest while preparing for the professional world - why Amherst?

4 - Thank you for such quick responses. I've made the necessary changes and feel reassured that I have a quality paper.

UndergraduateZakarh1 - Mar 13, 2015
Zakarh1
Mar 15, 2015
I decided to learn something practical, technical and capable of creating huge material

5 - Thanks a lot!

UndergraduateAshley_W - Mar 13, 2015
Ashley_W
Mar 14, 2015
I started clicking all the different tabs; My Stanford "Intellectual Vitality"

2 - Hello, your story is very well written and very interesting. You start off very well, but the end is a...

UndergraduateSilverKnight - Nov 4, 2013
lynzee22
Mar 14, 2015
"Arguments of Affection"; dinner with my family. UC Prompt #1

3 - Prompt: Describe the world you come from. For example your family, community, or school. Hello! My edits and suggestions are...

Undergraduate4m4jordan4m4 - Nov 14, 2012
EF_Jasmine
Mar 13, 2015
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