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Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays.
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Subject Last Reply
"Taipei Tokyo, how can I help you" - Inside my parent's take-out restaurant - Common App

18 - No, he is not dead. He is alive but he is battling cancer right now. I was going to mention in...

Undergraduateorangecoolatta - Oct 19, 2014
orangecoolatta
06:01pm
The sights! The smells! The sounds! The atmosphere! - VCU admission essay

2 - Thank you!

UndergraduateAmirahxr - 03:48pm
Amirahxr
05:58pm
Helping a Friend with Anorexia - UC Prompt #1/Cornell CALS Supplement

7 - Overall, this is a very solid and excellent revision. There is just a portion that you need to separate as a...

Undergraduatedumbnerd123 - Oct 11, 2014
vangiespen
05:47pm
Public speaking was never my forte. Disappointment and Failure of a school assignment.

3 - Hi Andrew, in answer to your question, yes, there are grammar corrections to be fixed in the essay and I marked...

UndergraduateHumanMan - Oct 19, 2014
vangiespen
05:36pm
It all started with a joke - common app

11 - Fiona, the reason you need to delete the middle paragraph is because it does not help the essay along. You mentioned...

Undergraduatefionaleeeee - Oct 14, 2014
vangiespen
05:32pm
Almost dead - A ruff lesson

15 - Alina, rejection from colleges and universities does not always happen because of a lack of writing skills. There are other factors...

UndergraduateAlinaSkripets - Oct 18, 2014
vangiespen
05:22pm
'I left my junior year confused, slightly out of touch with reality' - Mary Washington essay

2 - I think you have a great start , but I also believe that you should go further into why the institute...

Undergraduaterestinpizza - 07:19am
Amirahxr
03:51pm
As I progressed through Fur Elise, I reflected on everything that had happened in the past months.

1 - Your topic is a little ambiguous. What was happening at the beginning of the essay? Maybe focus on a particular moment...

Undergraduatemayradio0508 - 10:26am
rarghal
03:09pm
"What do you want to become in the future?" Anything but Engineering

3 - Hi Dowotyyyyy, First and foremost, I REALLY LOVE your essay. Your attitude and how you approach to describe it and...

Undergraduatedowotyyyyy - 04:11am
marky8
02:05pm
Legos -- MIT Significant Challenge Essay

1 - Hi Dibya! It's a very good essay. Through this essay I can see your interest on biology and your problem-solving...

Undergraduatedjgvolt - Yesterday
dominic_jiang
12:22pm
My dad's journey to his new liver - it has inspired and shaped me into the person I am today.

2 - I think you should give less background info and write more on how the experience affected you and show how it...

UndergraduateKelley - Yesterday
mayradio0508
12:09pm
I grew up to become an adolescent who had fallen deeply in love with science - Reasons & Objectives

2 - Thank you very much for your help and ositive feedback. I will work on the point mentioned. ;-)

Undergraduatemarky8 - Oct 20, 2014
marky8
12:09pm
UNIVERSITY COLORADO BOULDER. (How you could increase our diverse and inclusive community?)

1 - They think your essay is great, you seemed to briefly address each aspect. Your story is very important, as your experience...

UndergraduateCaptainCook - 02:41am
fordeja1
08:14am
"Remains of War: Capitalists. Communists. War." - Common App Essay

2 - thank you for your input i will consider adding that to my essay!

Undergraduateegn711 - Oct 19, 2014
egn711
Yesterday
industrial and interaction design / grown man who is doing what he loves - Syracuse Questions

NEW - Who or what influenced you to apply to Syracuse University? Syracuse University's reputation for industrial design and entrepreneurship influenced me to...

UndergraduateKevstevbot - Yesterday
Life in Pictures and Shapes - Common App Essay

3 - Thanks!

Undergraduatefwei15 - Yesterday
takeyuki13
Yesterday
'I hate trade-offs': why Barnard?

1 - I like your essay! However, the beginning "first and foremost, I would require more than 250 words," sounds a bit strange...

Undergraduatemgirl - Yesterday
estherh
Yesterday
My stay at a boarding school in Eastern Nigeria (a symbol of my coming of age)

8 - Thank you for the feedback. Do you have any other suggestions?

Undergraduatejjj90 - Oct 17, 2014
jjj90
Yesterday
"Oh, you got that grade cause you're Asian" - Challenging a belief or idea

2 - thank you!

Undergraduateestherh - Yesterday
estherh
Yesterday
uf admissions essay, my notion of 'the good life'

5 - Attached on merging: REVISED UF undergraduate essay 'the good life' Four years ago, I received the news from my...

UndergraduateKsinger - Oct 20, 2014
Ksinger
Yesterday
'I represented my country at the highest level' - University of California Prompt

1 - in the third paragraph you may give some examples, but I like it.

UndergraduateCaptainCook - Oct 20, 2014
gbekil
Yesterday
I have become best friends with a stationary saw - I feel great working on my tiny house.

3 - Thank you so much for your feedback! I have applied some of the things you mentioned. Also, I did not mean...

UndergraduateLucy2457 - Oct 19, 2014
Lucy2457
Yesterday
There is a soldier who sees the world

1 - There is a soldier who sees the world - I experianced living in Iowa as a local. I studied abroad for...

Undergraduatefionaleeeee - Yesterday
fwei15
Yesterday
Describe your notion of "the good life."

2 - Recognizing that this is a very new rough draft, one thing you can do to make your essay stand out is...

Undergraduateastew5 - Oct 20, 2014
djgvolt
Yesterday
Being the only South Asian child in the australian neighborhood - USF UNDERGRADUATE COLLEGE ESSAY

4 - @vangiespen Okay that sounds good! Is there anything else I would have to change, add, or get rid of???...

Undergraduateshamrazaman - Oct 19, 2014
shamrazaman
Yesterday
Common App- Describe a place or environment essay!! Advice?

2 - You can develop the essay a little further by trimming the content. The general substance of the essay is good, but...

Undergraduateaimank - Oct 20, 2014
djgvolt
Yesterday
Everyone is in his or her own "little world" - COMMON APP ESSAY

4 - In middle school, hormones are rampant in the hallways and excessive fumes of body spray in the locker rooms can choke...

Undergraduatesaiplayer1 - Oct 1, 2014
saiplayer1
Oct 20, 2014
The Gulf of Mexico, engulfed in black oil - Prelude - Texas A&M

1 - This is excellent, inspired writing. I bet you will go through quite a process in the way you think about...

UndergraduateDuncanDonut - Oct 19, 2014
EF_Kevin
Oct 20, 2014
'Outside is cold and dry' - Common App Essay - childhood to adulthood transformation

2 - OMG Thanks for your suggestion vangiespen! But rewrite the whole essay is not a good news at all.......ugh

Undergraduatedowotyyyyy - Oct 20, 2014
dowotyyyyy
Oct 20, 2014
I created an imaginary friend named Oliver - Undergraduate College Essay

2 - Ellen, you have one confused essay here. You need to pick only one of the topics that you have listed, and...

UndergraduateEllenF - Oct 20, 2014
vangiespen
Oct 20, 2014
You Are what you give - University of Florida essay ''The good life''

1 - your last paragraph is a little too vague maybe extend on how you are going to contribute to the gator family....

Undergraduatejuligp97 - Oct 20, 2014
Ksinger
Oct 20, 2014
TAKING ANOTHER STEP Dreams and inspirations are built as children observe the world surrounding them

1 - Irene, this is a highly interesting personal statement that just needs to be edited a bit. Let me help you with...

Undergraduatemhfu17 - Oct 19, 2014
vangiespen
Oct 20, 2014
My drawer; Shalwar kameez's, Pakistani dresses, rainbow of colors and designs - admission for U of M

2 - thanks so much! I wasn't actually born in Pakistan but I have a better idea of what to include now.

Undergraduaterafiquso - Oct 19, 2014
rafiquso
Oct 20, 2014
Michigan State University, volunteering, significant experience, Volunteers of America, life lesson

1 - Hey Danielle, I like your essay, but it needs a little bit of work. In your second sentence instead of saying...

Undergraduatedaniellelp13 - Oct 20, 2014
juligp97
Oct 20, 2014
'I live by the Iguana Rule' - Stanford roommate letter

4 - Sorry for taking such a long time to reply, I was busy taking SAT Subject Tests, and started preparing for the...

Undergraduateoriyanh - Oct 16, 2014
oriyanh
Oct 20, 2014
At nation's service! Supplemental essay

3 - I am not sure about the title.. I tried to review as much as the structure would allow too An...

UndergraduateAlinaSkripets - Oct 20, 2014
AlinaSkripets
Oct 20, 2014
Activities / vacations / values - (Princeton University Supplemental)

2 - Thanks a lot! Whenever you have the time, I'd love for you to edit and give me more feedback.

UndergraduateZero_II - Oct 17, 2014
Zero_II
Oct 20, 2014
Significance of fashion - FiT applicant

1 - Mark, your essay is not really answering the prompt. You should have slanted the essay towards giving the admissions officer an...

Undergraduatemarkcastillo27 - Oct 19, 2014
vangiespen
Oct 20, 2014
"Eat Veggies, Not Friends" - Vegan Roommate - Stanford Essay (Supplement)

1 - Lucy, try to talk about more than just your veganism. Surely there are other more interesting things about you that you...

UndergraduateLucy2457 - Oct 19, 2014
vangiespen
Oct 20, 2014
A New Journey: Childhood to Adulthood. Common App. Essay.

2 - Attached on merging: Critique pls, common app essay, international student Q5. Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal,...

Undergraduateenzomentos - Sep 25, 2014
enzomentos
Oct 20, 2014
I hate keeping a diary. I record what I actually go through, rather than empty talk.

2 - Thanks a lot! Your advice is very helpful! :)

Undergraduatedominic_jiang - Oct 19, 2014
dominic_jiang
Oct 20, 2014
My art speaks for me. As an artist, words are sometimes too inadequate. SAIC Statement

5 - Don't worry about it. Thanks so much for editing. :) good luck with your schools.

Undergraduatetakeyuki13 - Oct 17, 2014
takeyuki13
Oct 20, 2014
'not wasting lot of time attending classes' - I support of building a new high school near our home

5 - Vns, yes, you can write a 3 paragraph essay. That is the minimum paragraph count for any standard essay. Your minimum...

UndergraduateVns9x - Oct 18, 2014
vangiespen
Oct 20, 2014
Tea with Pancakes - Story that changed my life

14 - I believe I'd better not use this essay for the common app but for the Yale_NUS supplemental prompt instead. It seem...

UndergraduateAlinaSkripets - Oct 8, 2014
AlinaSkripets
Oct 20, 2014
'I began learning a C++' - An admission essay to The University of Texas for Computer Science

2 - I think you use the word "I" so much that make your essay unsmooth. "Recently i've enrolled in math tutoring...

Undergraduatemccoyboy22 - Oct 19, 2014
boo2601
Oct 20, 2014
Include an image, share its story with us.

1 - I think you should change the "attitude" of your essay. After reading it, what impresses me is only that a young...

Undergraduatesiyuan12345 - Oct 19, 2014
boo2601
Oct 20, 2014
'I was refused' - Second time applicant "Why University X Essay"

11 - Thank you very much for your ideas, Vangiespen! I believe this essay is ready enough now thanks to your meaningful comments....

UndergraduateAlinaSkripets - Oct 13, 2014
AlinaSkripets
Oct 20, 2014
Life through a camera lens - Self - introduction : KGSP Undergraduate

1 - First things first, attempt utilizing academic words. In other word, do not use big, small, intersting and so on

Undergraduatenayeridesu - Oct 20, 2014
Vns9x
Oct 20, 2014
The Death of Ivan Ilyich; UVA supplement

5 - Nicole, in all honesty, I would like you remove the reference to the environmental club because it does not fit in...

Undergraduatenicolezmh1997 - Oct 17, 2014
vangiespen
Oct 19, 2014
The feeling I get while reading a good book is unparalleled - I could even go on reading for a 24hrs

4 - Thank you for your meaningful advice. My essay already sounds a lot better.

Undergraduatesaugat91 - Oct 13, 2014
saugat91
Oct 19, 2014
At stressful moments, I sit anxiously at my desk, turn my candle on, and peer at this flame

1 - This is very interesting! For your last word, maybe say "fire" instead of "firestorm". It is more simple and powerful. Also,...

Undergraduatediana147 - Oct 19, 2014
Lucy2457
Oct 19, 2014
Fourth grade was finally over and it was a hot, June day - bad or unlucky at first, but good later

1 - This is a very good event to write about. In this quote here, I would recommend a few things. "Fourth...

UndergraduateIndianboy - Oct 19, 2014
Lucy2457
Oct 19, 2014
Vast amounts traditions, extracurricular activities, and research opportunities; reasons for apply

1 - Tyler, you seem too focused on the extra curricular activities of Madison. There is no balance between your extra curricular and...

Undergraduate3mcs1dj - Oct 19, 2014
vangiespen
Oct 19, 2014
'inspiring chat with a Syracuse Admissions Officer' - What influenced you to apply?

3 - Kerry, there is just one more point that I feel you need to build upon with a few more sentences. See...

Undergraduatekjudge15 - Oct 18, 2014
vangiespen
Oct 19, 2014
"The Clintons just want a dynasty." - Common App Essay Transition to adulthood

2 - Thank you for your comments. "The Clintons just want a dynasty was actually the first line of the essay in quotation...

Undergraduaterarghal - Oct 19, 2014
rarghal
Oct 19, 2014
High In the Sky--Common App: An environment where I'm perfectly content and what it means to me

3 - I really enjoyed reading this! Your word choice is very good. When you are talking about meeting strangers, I might take...

UndergraduateWowzy - Oct 17, 2014
Lucy2457
Oct 19, 2014
'Carrots. I don't like them.' - "Who are you?" - Georgetown personal statement

2 - Thank you!

Undergraduateshannonnmm - Oct 18, 2014
shannonnmm
Oct 19, 2014
In Israel I found a type of spirituality and gratefulness that has remained with me to this day

4 - Because I am applying early action to my top schools by November 1st I want to work with what I have....

Undergraduatelnf - Oct 18, 2014
lnf
Oct 19, 2014
"Guys, strive for the best!" - The experience of Volleyball Team; Rice supplement

3 - Nicole, the problem with the statement is that it does not have a conclusion, I was able to whittle down the...

Undergraduatenicolezmh1997 - Oct 18, 2014
vangiespen
Oct 19, 2014
Considering your lifetime goals...Apply Texas Essay C

1 - Samantha, the first thing that I noticed about your essay is that your sentences are too long. You can't keep using...

Undergraduatesamanthafarmer - Oct 18, 2014
vangiespen
Oct 19, 2014
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