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Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays.
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Describe one of your quirks and why it is part of who you are. UVA supplement

1 - That is definitely a good quirk. But the problem with the essay is that the first paragraph is jumping around and...

UndergraduateMarilu - 01:24pm
vangiespen
01:38pm
My name is Camp Horseshoe Scout Reservation - common app essay

3 - aren't writing it from your point of view*, I meant

Undergraduateruffruff999 - Yesterday
samkazmi
01:18pm
Winter Reading and Dragons

1 - Unfortunately, your essay is quite disconnected. Since you started the essay speaking of reading Harry Potter books, that should have become...

Undergraduatetdshah1 - 12:21pm
vangiespen
12:56pm
"sea shell" - FAU APPLICATION SHORT ESSAY (140 CHARACTERS)

5 - You need to work on the first and last sentence. First sentence is much too vague and never use "one". This...

Undergraduatemariahasbun - Aug 30, 2014
tdshah1
12:15pm
'I wish to become a Lincesed Practical Nurse' - LPN entrance essay

7 - I have rewritten the essay and I would like some new in put on it. I hope this one says that...

Undergraduatecms91 - Aug 27, 2014
cms91
07:40am
'40 question paper' - describe an incident which led you to challenge yourself

2 - Before writing your essay, with this type of essays, I think it is easier for you if you make some questions...

Undergraduateksu - Yesterday
nguoi_co_doc
02:46am
'The New Teacher' (the struggle of having an uncommon name) - Common App

4 - I really liked the essay. The vocabulary, the writing style, all amazing. But you need to explain the way in which...

Undergraduatejwajwa - Aug 21, 2014
samkazmi
Yesterday
LIFE ISNT WORTH LIVING IF YOU ONLY LIVE FOR YOURSELF! BARRY UNIVERSITY PROMPT!

2 - During my time at La Rabida I would help children read, write, and forget for a couple of hours that they...

UndergraduateIyeshaferguson - Aug 29, 2014
jwajwa
Yesterday
Tulane - "Exactly the school I need" - SOP Prompt

2 - Scrap the first sentence. This should be what the whole essay is about. Show, show, show. We should be...

Undergraduatemaddigates - Aug 27, 2014
jwajwa
Yesterday
'When I think about my childhood, my sofa comes to mind' - place or environment

2 - Thanks so much for your help! I'm going to reedit my essay with your suggestions. :)

Undergraduatedearkris - Aug 30, 2014
dearkris
Yesterday
How it all came to choose the career i want. UC application essay ("personal statement") Prompt #2

1 - This essay is a perfect sample of describing an accomplishment that you are proud of. It is obvious that you clearly...

Undergraduatexoxo07 - Yesterday
vangiespen
Yesterday
I gave my hand to a helpless man - Common App Belief essay

5 - This fantastic work! The essay is ready for submission :) The content, the vividness of the description, the end result of...

Undergraduatesamkazmi - Aug 26, 2014
vangiespen
Aug 30, 2014
Virginia Tech: Stepping on Hokie Soil

2 - It is a good start. I would suggest you number the reasons in first, second, third, etc. format so that the...

UndergraduateTajwinder - Aug 30, 2014
vangiespen
Aug 30, 2014
computer science and virtual reality

1 - - While you successfully explained the essence of the program that you took at Carnegie Mellon, you should avoid pointing...

Undergraduateyazoo - Aug 29, 2014
vangiespen
Aug 29, 2014
A broken fridge away to adulthood - Common App Prompt 5

2 - Idea is really good. There are a few grammatical mistakes but its a first draft so i'm sure it will be...

Undergraduateanthonysw - Aug 29, 2014
samkazmi
Aug 29, 2014
I was told that I'm lucky to receive an education in America - USF college entrance essay

3 - I hate to tell you this but the second essay still does not answer the prompt. The main focus of your...

Undergraduatehari11296 - Aug 21, 2014
vangiespen
Aug 29, 2014
A Dyslexic Home School Boy Conquers Public School - Common App prompt 5

1 - Okay, first the bad news. Transitioning from home schooling to public school does not count as a transition from childhood to...

Undergraduatephilipsurdy - Aug 29, 2014
vangiespen
Aug 29, 2014
Senator Mark Kirk - Why do you want to join a Service Academy? (Nomination)

7 - You presented your 3 character traits as part of your justification for your interest in joining the Naval Service Academy. You...

Undergraduatejholden93 - Aug 22, 2014
vangiespen
Aug 29, 2014
"The Bus" - Common app Prompt; Perfectly Content

6 - The problem is , as vangiespen says, that you do not explain the importance of the bus ride and why it...

UndergraduateJacobCub - Aug 29, 2014
samkazmi
Aug 29, 2014
"it's the mark of a great player to be confident in tough situations" college essay

2 - - (This is a word count limited essay. Do not waste the words with fillers. ) my first job...

Undergraduateparsonsss - Aug 28, 2014
vangiespen
Aug 28, 2014
"my grandparents' home in Jordan" - a place you feel content; Personal statement for CPW

2 - Thank you very much, that was very helpful of you :)

UndergraduateOneFiveTwo - Aug 28, 2014
OneFiveTwo
Aug 28, 2014
SAT - Some of the heroes get forgotten because they probably didn't affect directly people's lives

2 - In terms of your writing, the essay is pretty good. But you did not answer the question. Give a couple of...

Undergraduateluisfl97 - Aug 7, 2014
samkazmi
Aug 28, 2014
"Every great dream begins with a dreamer" - my essay for FIT

5 - I like your idea about changing the meaning of fashion. its apreciable and a well written answer.

Undergraduateparsonsss - Aug 22, 2014
anees
Aug 28, 2014
'My interests include organic chemistry and biochemistry' - Which department or program at MIT?

6 - I think the essay would be much improved if you mentioned any accomplishments or important tasks that you performed at your...

Undergraduateironhand - Aug 24, 2014
vangiespen
Aug 28, 2014
'the wind was always at my back' - Explain Hardships Faced/ impact to a student/ overcame adversity

2 - This is not well preferred. You have to make it clear. who "This" refers to ? A suggestion, Introduce...

Undergraduatelawdlc - Aug 18, 2014
SHanafi
Aug 28, 2014
"Tall Dreams, Short Arms" - QUESTBRIDGE Bio Essay

3 - the start of the letter is a bit strange as you describe your height and how people look at you. actually...

Undergraduatekjoalvey67 - Aug 26, 2014
Ayman Hussien
Aug 27, 2014
Public speaking fears - UW madison essay

1 - This is a great subject, and I think it fits in well with the prompt. Here are a few fixes:...

Undergraduatefarron - Aug 27, 2014
EF_Susan
Aug 27, 2014
Competitive children can archive more in their adult life; competition or co-operation?

2 - Thanks for the corrections! now they know how and what to do in situations when they should show why...

UndergraduateGaziF - Aug 27, 2014
GaziF
Aug 27, 2014
My goal is having lots of money to help homeless as well as poor people - success definition

4 - Thank you for you comment :) I think my latter sentence emphasizes what I mean, why I am luckier than others....

Undergraduateguanin_1503 - Aug 26, 2014
guanin_1503
Aug 27, 2014
Lucked out of the gaokao ; UW Madison Admisson Essay

4 - One way you could improve it is by concentrating on the fact that you do not need to take any qualifying...

UndergraduateDavid1 - Aug 25, 2014
vangiespen
Aug 26, 2014
'The assignment was to make a family tree, and there were two boxes above my name: mom and dad'

1 - The essay is already perfect, so I'll give a few comments based on my own prejudices. : )...

Undergraduategilliang - Aug 26, 2014
EF_Kevin
Aug 26, 2014
The World of Harry Potter is the world I came from - MIT essay

1 - You totally missed the point of the prompt. It has nothing to do with fictional worlds and what you hope to...

Undergraduatetdshah1 - Aug 25, 2014
vangiespen
Aug 26, 2014
High school - the time when I learned most about myself and discovered the type of person I am

2 - Most people would say that your years of in high school is where you'll you learn most about yourself...

Undergraduateitzvt - Aug 20, 2014
dumi
Aug 26, 2014
MIT: 'Every evening I put on my running clothes and go to nearby forest to run few kilometers'

2 - Thanks, jholden93. The prompt is: We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of...

Undergraduateironhand - Aug 25, 2014
ironhand
Aug 26, 2014
Skateboarding; I grew up within a community of talented, inspiring individuals - background or story

2 - I have a few suggestion for you; I grew up within in a community of that had many talented, inspiring...

Undergraduatewilguen - Aug 25, 2014
dumi
Aug 25, 2014
Here, in the movie theater is where I feel the most satisfaction, the most joy, the most comfort

7 - good job, but I think you can be more specific. many lines like "I'm able to feel every connection between them"...

Undergraduateamberkb - Aug 22, 2014
tdshah1
Aug 25, 2014
I'm so ready to look and reach further to get what I desire for so long - University of Washington

3 - UWS is preferable to me. Avoid contraction

Undergraduatehuy_big_show - Aug 18, 2014
SHanafi
Aug 25, 2014
"Order of the Arrow" - Common App Essay: WHAT PLACE ARE YOU MOST CONTENT?

4 - Before you begin to write, make sure you really understand the requirements.

Undergraduateruffruff999 - Aug 25, 2014
sircampbell
Aug 25, 2014
"Meissner effect" - My world view was mostly shaped by my school - MIT

9 - I think your best bet is to change your point of view or the way you approach your essay. Remember these...

Undergraduateironhand - Aug 16, 2014
ruffruff999
Aug 25, 2014
"just do not panic, go and take what you deserved" - MIT: most significant challenge you've faced.

5 - kabylda@gmail com Just have some questions about MIT.

Undergraduateironhand - Aug 21, 2014
kabylda
Aug 25, 2014
to persuade the parent to give freedom to their children in determining their own future

5 - :D .......... Happy to help you. On the other hand, all the children in this world have their...

Undergraduateaizuddin - Aug 25, 2014
dumi
Aug 25, 2014
Zero and One - The Most Powerful Numbers - Transfer Essay

2 - I really enjoyed the concept of zero and one which is continually referenced. The end of the essay gets a little...

Undergraduatefayne4674 - Aug 21, 2014
wilguen
Aug 25, 2014
"Busy day" - College Essay - Why Penn?

2 - I think that this essay should be a little bit more abstract in terms of the concepts of leadership or integrity....

Undergraduateruffruff999 - Aug 24, 2014
wilguen
Aug 25, 2014
'I had the fantastic opportunity to travel to several cities in Europe' - Columbia; intended major?

3 - Sure, here's the prompt: For applicants to Columbia College, please tell us what from your current and past experiences...

Undergraduatewilguen - Aug 24, 2014
wilguen
Aug 25, 2014
The Transcendence of a Stage - transition from childhood to adulthood

4 - Nobody knew that I (no comma) being a classical piano player pianist completely in a complete different ballpark from modern...

Undergraduateyazoo - Aug 23, 2014
dumi
Aug 24, 2014
How does USD stand out amongst all of the other colleges to which you are applying?

2 - University of San Diego stands out the most amongst among all the other colleges i'm I am applying to because at...

UndergraduateIyeshaferguson - Aug 17, 2014
dumi
Aug 24, 2014
Supporting statement for exchange semester in Australian university, game technologies

2 - Hi Kevin, thanks first of all for your extensive feedback! Your challenge got me on the right path and I spent...

UndergraduateStevie - Aug 17, 2014
Stevie
Aug 23, 2014
My family environment and it's affect on me. They have helped me to become who I am

3 - My family environment played a very big role in shaping me into the person who I am today. You...

UndergraduateZunera - Aug 6, 2014
dumi
Aug 22, 2014
"Do what makes you happy" - this is best piece of advice I have ever received

3 - Hi. Alas, English is not my first language, so I will try to comment from the position of pure logic. EF_Kevin...

Undergraduate2015senior - Aug 14, 2014
ironhand
Aug 22, 2014
"PERSPECTIVE" - gazing vacantly into the distance. Place where are you perfectly content.

1 - ...... well, I get confused with the latter part of this sentence. Who expected your to be closer to God? There...

Undergraduatenassimahmadi - Aug 21, 2014
dumi
Aug 22, 2014
Merging both medicine and business; doctor - person you dream of becoming - Syracuse Supp

3 - I dream of being a person that helps to shape the future of health care by merging both medicine and business....

UndergraduateSteezed12 - Aug 21, 2014
dumi
Aug 21, 2014
'joining the fire department as an emergency medical technician' - meaningful experience

4 - Thank you, SHanafi

UndergraduateMed - Aug 13, 2014
Med
Aug 21, 2014
"I'm just a circle" Common app essay, review desperate!

2 - Thank you! This is my first draft, and I'm glad that without the common wording, things look okay. Do you think...

Undergraduatelazypanda - Aug 16, 2014
lazypanda
Aug 21, 2014
Running a mile into the UC 2015 Prompt!

2 - I agree ^ your essay was good overall but I feel like some of the phrases that you used are jumble...

UndergraduateSeniorPeach2015 - Aug 16, 2014
itzvt
Aug 21, 2014
Common App: The serenity of Blue Lake

1 - I have always been fascinated by the perseverance of nature,. Contradict to the constantly changing world, the great landmarks of the...

Undergraduatejmilla13 - Aug 20, 2014
klsou2
Aug 21, 2014
'I KIND OF JUST WANT TO GO AS FAR AS POSSIBLE!' - MY REASON FOR ATTENDING

2 - Thank you so much! @jmilla13 This really helped! Let me know if you need any suggestions with your work! 😘...

UndergraduateIyeshaferguson - Aug 19, 2014
Iyeshaferguson
Aug 20, 2014
"Limitless" - experiences or accomplishments that have helped to define me as a person

3 - My experiences, the hardships, the achievements, the highs and lows--they do not define me. I think you should put it -...

Undergraduatephoebedominique - Aug 10, 2014
EF_Kevin
Aug 19, 2014
"fly, crash, repeat" - Common App Essay - The RC Field

1 - This is definitely amazing, and i picked up on your major right away which is great. Comments: Try to create...

UndergraduateRyanF121 - Aug 17, 2014
Iyeshaferguson
Aug 19, 2014
"What, are you kidding? I'd never get in there" - Vassar supplement

1 - Great use of imagery! When reading about places and how the writer views a particular place, getting the imagery right is...

Undergraduaterobby04321 - Aug 17, 2014
EF_Sheri
Aug 19, 2014
A mix between a "central identity" story and "challenging an idea" - Common Application Essay

2 - Thanks for the advice. I definitely agree with your suggestion in terms of deleting the first paragraph, as well as making...

UndergraduateTh25cc - Aug 16, 2014
Th25cc
Aug 19, 2014
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