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Undergraduate


Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays.
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REVISED ESSAY - UT Issue of Importance

1 - You sound like you are trying to lecture the admission officer rather than offering him or her an insight...

Undergraduatetexasbreed13 - 01:40am
vangiespen
02:01am
"You have put in the miles..." Cross-Country Running (College Essay)

3 - I am wondering what the prompt is for this essay? If you can tell me what it is, I will be...

UndergraduateLPMG - Sep 29, 2014
vangiespen
Yesterday
My life goal is to have a Computer Engineering degree and go to North Texas University

5 - - This is a very weak introduction. It does not really provide a strong thesis statement for you. There is...

Undergraduateswatleader617 - Sep 29, 2014
vangiespen
Yesterday
New Orleans crossed through my mind - Why Tulane Essay

6 - Hashim, the comment that you read about personal experience was from the blog of one admission officer. That is not necessarily...

Undergraduatehashimsyed17 - Sep 29, 2014
vangiespen
Yesterday
REVISED ESSAY - UT Personal Statement

1 - I see an apostrophe in front of that first word, must be a typo. Also, if you are quoting...

Undergraduatetexasbreed13 - Yesterday
EF_Kevin
Yesterday
Address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to UChicago.

2 - Thanks I will take your points. Vangiespen, what do you think?

UndergraduateAnouar_1 - Yesterday
Anouar_1
Yesterday
"Hey man, you should check out Baylor" - supplement essay

3 - Hey so I think for this essay you need to really consider your audience and discuss why Baylor will actually be...

Undergraduatesupreeth97 - Sep 29, 2014
texasbreed13
Yesterday
the children full of hope (COMMON APP ESSAY)

5 - Great essay, thanks for sharing here I had never found any correction, I love the way that you had written.

Undergraduategodlover - Sep 21, 2014
JessieCarpenter
Yesterday
Personal essay based on specific questions on the university website; Undergraduate Admission

35 - I'm sorry I did not mean that. It's just an additional message to the previous one that :D And yes, I...

UndergraduateJangGemini - Sep 15, 2014
JangGemini
Yesterday
"Cut us all in half, we're all the same" - the exhibition; this work of art struck me like an arrow

1 - This piece really captured me in a way that's hard to describe - I suppose you can wipe out this sentence....

Undergraduaterestinpizza - Sep 29, 2014
sa1na
Sep 29, 2014
'questioning all that you have stood for' - College application essay

1 - While I commend you for your strong faith the bonds of family, I believe that the essay became under developed because...

Undergraduatenicksimkins - Sep 29, 2014
vangiespen
Sep 29, 2014
"Irrational Rationalism" - Pomono Course Creation Essay

2 - thank you, I appreciate your feedback. I am considering redoing the essay using a different approach

Undergraduategclough - Sep 28, 2014
gclough
Sep 29, 2014
"Life moves pretty fast..." - review my Villanova University Supplement Essay

1 - Supreeth, your essay is heading in 2 different directions at the moment. Making it difficult to find the focus of your...

Undergraduatesupreeth97 - Sep 29, 2014
vangiespen
Sep 29, 2014
"BEST BUDDIES", significant event in my life- college entrance essay

2 - Karina, while you present a good idea of the work that you do with Best Buddies, I am still unclear as...

Undergraduatesiegelkp - Sep 29, 2014
vangiespen
Sep 29, 2014
WHY MADISON? It would find me a great gain to part of their community

2 - - Do you know more about how Frederick Harlow was influenced by the academic community of Madison? If you can...

Undergraduatevinnymj - Sep 28, 2014
vangiespen
Sep 29, 2014
Engineering-Geek-Application

2 - Your paper could benefit from greater usage of vocabulary words. Although your vocabulary is within the average range for most writers,...

Undergraduatesa1na - Sep 29, 2014
supreeth97
Sep 29, 2014
Opportunity Program / Computer Science / Last day fixes before submitting

1 - something that changed my life happened - something happened that changed my life and I wasn't able to go to...

UndergraduateRaven_Chant - Sep 28, 2014
sa1na
Sep 29, 2014
Woman who loves me and sacrifice for me and my father - Grandmother, the inspiration of my life

1 - 1. who loves me and sacrifice(sacrifices) for me and my father most (not needed- or: more than any other person)...

Undergraduateanhphan1990 - Sep 28, 2014
sa1na
Sep 29, 2014
'Mapping Me' - define a experience essential to your identity

3 - Attached on merging: 'Mapping Me'- CommonApp essay prompt 1 Prompt: Some students have a background or story that is...

Undergraduatexigogondaki - Sep 28, 2014
xigogondaki
Sep 29, 2014
Things To Do For Joy - MIT Essay

2 - You like to learn try to elaborate on what type of courses interests you, do you only take up online courses...

UndergraduateMMUTHIAA - Sep 28, 2014
nikhil333
Sep 28, 2014
How to be Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable

1 - " Since anyone can learn how to swim " try to restate this Your essay is too genearl. Focus on...

UndergraduateSamMorgan - Sep 28, 2014
nikhil333
Sep 28, 2014
UC Prompt 2: A Wrong Gone Good

2 - any specifics I need to change?

Undergraduateann158 - Sep 28, 2014
ann158
Sep 28, 2014
'The New Teacher' (the struggle of having an uncommon name) - Common App

5 - I loved it. It's touching and heartbreaking and extremely relatable. (My full name is Neelambari Madhusudhanan, so you can just imagine...

Undergraduatejwajwa - Aug 21, 2014
xigogondaki
Sep 28, 2014
From Kenya to Stanford ED! :-) Letter to roommate supplement

2 - thanks for the advice Xigogondaki! I was a bit on the fence about that Kiswahili paragraph, haha...Hope we both get in!...

UndergraduateChela - Sep 28, 2014
Chela
Sep 28, 2014
My name is Camp Horseshoe Scout Reservation - common app essay

4 - This was a really different and interesting approach to writing the essay. I liked how you aligned your perspective with the...

Undergraduateruffruff999 - Aug 31, 2014
xigogondaki
Sep 28, 2014
"You don't know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have" CommonApp Essay

6 - I was practically crying. This was so amazing and it really brought out the struggles so many face. I liked how...

Undergraduateerinnicole - Sep 17, 2014
xigogondaki
Sep 28, 2014
Autobiography of myself as a reader - Syracuse University Common App

2 - I was intrigued, and wanted to read right til the end! What I also liked about it was how relatable it...

Undergraduatesagewise - Sep 25, 2014
xigogondaki
Sep 28, 2014
"freaking awesome" - Why Swarthmore? Supplementary College essay

12 - Here is the latest edit I did... The advice has been so helpful thank you so much! ​With an 8:1...

Undergraduatemmurray4242 - Sep 27, 2014
mmurray4242
Sep 28, 2014
Experiences / difficult situation / way of fun / contributing - STEM Application

2 - Honestly, from a view of non-native English speaker, I cannot really comment on grammar. But about contents, For the first answer,...

Undergraduatesa1na - Sep 27, 2014
psm9619
Sep 28, 2014
"Limitless" - MIT Essay; I come from a family who thinks a human limit exists

2 - You have actually written a very interesting essay. However, you need to clarify what you mean by a human limit existing...

UndergraduateMMUTHIAA - Sep 28, 2014
vangiespen
Sep 28, 2014
The trip to a football stadium turned out to be more than an exciting experience; Common app prompt

8 - Thank you guys! Really appreciate the feedbacks and suggested improvements :-)

UndergraduateCaptainCook - Sep 21, 2014
CaptainCook
Sep 28, 2014
'As any self-made man, I am man of work, and my entire world is built on it'; MIT essay

1 - There are some punctuation errors : before and you need a comma(,) when counting more than 2 things. The concept...

Undergraduateironhand - Sep 28, 2014
sa1na
Sep 28, 2014
Among the academic cream of American universities the University of Chicago is most convincing to me

2 - Attached on merging: How does the UChicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of...

Undergraduateprofes - Sep 14, 2014
ZZ_1
Sep 28, 2014
"Wrong but Right" - a memoirs about your experience in the past and its effect on you today

4 - thank you

UndergraduateTbontb - Sep 27, 2014
Tbontb
Sep 28, 2014
Moving to another state - my parents sent me to California to live with my grandma and uncle

4 - Hey, i feel like these sentences sound repetitive. you are constantly saying that you have to leave everything behind...

Undergraduatekev80 - Sep 27, 2014
CaptainCook
Sep 27, 2014
Change for the better - melting pot adventure

7 - Vinny, I have a suggestion for the content that I hope you will consider. I am stating it below along with...

Undergraduatevinnymj - Sep 26, 2014
vangiespen
Sep 27, 2014
Fashion Institute of Technology Admissions Essay - Breaking Expectation

1 - I think that we need to create a focus for your essay in order to remove the redundancies and add a...

Undergraduateveb080 - Sep 26, 2014
vangiespen
Sep 27, 2014
"I am who I am" --- A self discovery journey; common app

19 - - Nicole, if you take out this portion and go directly into the effect that tutoring had on you, that...

Undergraduatenicolezmh1997 - Sep 20, 2014
vangiespen
Sep 27, 2014
I Am a Mirror-Questbridge Biographical Essay

5 - haha that was actually a typo, I accidentally deleted "longer" between "no" and "look"

Undergraduatesummerlilac - Sep 21, 2014
summerlilac
Sep 26, 2014
Describe an extracurricular activity under 75 words - Bryn Mawr essays

3 - Vangiespen, thanks so much for taking your time to rewrite the paragraph, very helpful. :)

Undergraduatejojo159 - Sep 26, 2014
jojo159
Sep 26, 2014
Little People & Little Things - QuestBridge Essay

2 - Linda, I really like the way you presented the part of the essay about your cousin and his experience with the...

Undergraduatelindabrown1997 - Sep 26, 2014
vangiespen
Sep 26, 2014
Using Engineering to design and build machines which transform the way we live - Automotive Eng. SOP

2 - Thank you, any other places where you suggest an edit?

UndergraduateYatish - Sep 26, 2014
Yatish
Sep 26, 2014
"Remember My Jigsaw" - QuestBridge Biographical Essay

4 - - My opinion is that you should just delete that portion because it does not connect with the rest of...

UndergraduateUndecided2018 - Sep 25, 2014
vangiespen
Sep 25, 2014
'I signed up to volunteer for the Special Olympics' - Common App Essay

1 - - This portion of the essay prompt clearly indicates that the place must be somewhere that you frequent and continuously...

Undergraduatelbhux13 - Sep 25, 2014
vangiespen
Sep 25, 2014
Father in jail - UCF Personal Statement: Overcoming an Obstacle

1 - - You only have a limited amount of space to state your case. This portion is just a word filler....

Undergraduatenairobi01 - Sep 25, 2014
vangiespen
Sep 25, 2014
A New Journey: Childhood to Adulthood. Common App. Essay.

1 - There are some punctuation issues, but other than that I like it!

Undergraduateenzomentos - Sep 25, 2014
lbhux13
Sep 25, 2014
The best day of my life. Virginia Tech Essay

4 - It would be good if you kind of explained somewhere in the essay exactly what you were doing or what a...

Undergraduategum101 - Sep 25, 2014
lbhux13
Sep 25, 2014
Imagine yourself in a tutorial at Williams. Of anyone in the world, whom would you choose....

13 - It's ok it's exactly 399 words. Thanks a lot for help.

UndergraduateRevtZ_hh - Sep 22, 2014
RevtZ_hh
Sep 25, 2014
'I have always been self-reliant' - First Draft Undergrad CommonApp Personal Statement

1 - This is a wonderfully written personal statement. Your sentiments, thoughts, and emotions are perfectly represented within the paper. I caught a...

Undergraduatenaomimartinez - Sep 25, 2014
vangiespen
Sep 25, 2014
Seizing the future! ~UC Freshman Prompt

1 - SeniorPeach, while I like the hook that you created by using the story that your mother was reading to...

UndergraduateSeniorPeach2015 - Sep 24, 2014
vangiespen
Sep 25, 2014
The Importance of Diversity - Cultural Food Day (Questbridge Prompt 2)

5 - I think the essay is good overall. There are a few grammatical errors but the ending sentence- "And it's so important...

Undergraduatesummerlilac - Sep 21, 2014
BlueRose99
Sep 24, 2014
'emulate every aspect of my mother' - UC Personal Statement: the world I come from

5 - I can't seem to find a coupon code anywhere on the internet, but I really wish this post could be deleted...

Undergraduatemsi - Sep 24, 2014
msi
Sep 24, 2014
I am many things and Black is one of them - Personal Statement for UT Austin; Essay A

1 - Texasbreed, I once heard these words spoken on a television program "I want my family to be black, not blackish." That...

Undergraduatetexasbreed13 - Sep 23, 2014
vangiespen
Sep 23, 2014
ApplyTexas Essay B - Circumstance / Conflict In My Life

3 - I like that your essay is personal however I feel it's a little debbie downer in the beginning, so maybe the...

UndergraduateNightTimeRain - Sep 23, 2014
texasbreed13
Sep 23, 2014
The little boy- Stanford Supplement

7 - It will help you demonstrate that you are really serious about this but you will need to tie everything together so...

Undergraduategodlover - Sep 21, 2014
admission2012
Sep 23, 2014
The Me I am Today - Common App

3 - Silverw, you have improved the essay a great deal. However, I still have some corrections and suggestions to make for your...

Undergraduatesilverw - Sep 22, 2014
vangiespen
Sep 23, 2014
Since its opening, I have always considered Snow Mountain as a place of comfort; common app essay

2 - Thank you so much for your suggestions! I have fixed everything you said. :)

Undergraduateasi677 - Sep 14, 2014
asi677
Sep 23, 2014
"Life's a Gas" - this song really affected me in an unsettling way

1 - One nice thing is that the vanishing you mentioned can be considered the only real salvation. Here we are in...

Undergraduatelbhux13 - Sep 23, 2014
EF_Kevin
Sep 23, 2014
Acidity/ pH Williams Special Supplement Essay:

2 - it's an application essay (Williams Suplement) has nothing to do with IELTS. Please give some ideas to deal with the essay...........

UndergraduateRevtZ_hh - Sep 22, 2014
RevtZ_hh
Sep 23, 2014
Technology Addiction - University of North Carolina

1 - Dubby, you have created a very interesting essay here. It is a discussion about a theme that is very timely and...

UndergraduateDubby - Sep 22, 2014
vangiespen
Sep 23, 2014
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